Post # 1
We have these friends, well FI childhood friend, and his gf. Theyre 10 year dating aniversary is our wedding day. When I told her about the wedding, she tried to get me to change the date because she “wanted to get married’ that day. I told her no, its booked. I dont talk to her, and had no idea at all when her dating aniversary is, of course I wont change the date, and the only people who would be going to both weddings would be us.
So anyway, they arent getting married, no wedding to speak of. Which I knew would happen anyway.
I sent them their invitation, they did not RSVP. I asked her on fb, and she said “we might stop by for a bit”. I told her I needed to know, for final head count for dinner. She said they “might come to dinner”. Its them 2, and their 2 children.
I highly doubt theyre coming, we recently went to a friends wedding, and they showed up for the ceremony but left right after. And she hates my FI because he is social and always goes to visit his friend, and “takes him away from her”. Now i am sure she doesnt like me because of the whole wedding date thing lol
anyway, I am not sure if I should count them in my list, to be quite honest I dont care if they come now, and we have other friends who would love to come instead.
Should I count them in, or invite other friends instead?
Post # 3
Forget them, and invite other people. If they kick up a fuss tell them that they didn’t commit, so you assumed they weren’t coming, as you couldn’t confirm their attendance to the caterer.
You don’t want them there anyway, she’s clearly trying to cause you trouble and shift attention to herself. If she doesn’t give you an answer, tell her she can’t come.
Post # 4
I would let her know (or your FI friend!) that you need a firm yes or no by X date. If that day comes and its still a “maybe, might” etc. Let her know that regretfully that is not a firm answer and the spots will be going to someone else who will attend
Post # 5
Give them a date that you NEED to know by. No waffling past X date. Explain to them that if they don’t come, it’ll cost you (price per head) and they need to decide.
I don’t bring up the cost per person price often, but when people ask why they aren’t invited, I wave that number around as a reason why I can’t afford more people. Don’t make it about the price, but let them know it isn’t a $5 meal they’re missing out on, their flakiness could run you $200 (or whatever it is) and it would be nice to NOT throw it away.
Post # 6
I would make it very clear “If you do not tell me a REAL yes or no by XX date, you will not be coming, we have to give a head count by that date and I am not paying for your plate if you really aren’t going to show up, please don’t put me in that position.”
Post # 7
scratch them off as a “no”. Didn’t your RSVP date pass? You did all you could already by double checking so that is a “no” to attending the wedding. Not a loss for you though if they get upset. It seems this person is really trying to sabbotage this for you anyway.
Post # 8
Let them know, and mark them as a no. That way they don’t think they’re still able to attend, even though they gave you a very vague answer.
Post # 9
Personally, I would count that as a “no” when giving my number to the caterer. This is especially true if you are having a buffet as opposed to a plated meal. Either way, the caterer should have extras just in case.
Post # 10
You should tell them that since you can’t commit, we need to put you down as not coming. Since we are having escort cards made, seating arrangements, and plated meals, we need final numbers into our caterers. I am sure once you finally get engaged and start planning your wedding, you’ll understand.
I would HAVE to add that last jab. I wouldn’t be able to help myself 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 11
You’re only a few weeks out, don’t give her any more tme. Send her a message saying “Since I never got a firm yes, I’m going to have to mark you and your family as not attending. All the best, yourname.”
Post # 12
@BrooklynWife: Yes! I love your snide comment
Post # 13
@BrooklynWife: HAHA! You made my Friday morning!
Post # 14
I would tell her you need a firm answer by whatever date. Then when they don’t reply, I would not plan a seat or a meal for them. If they do show up and it’s awkward there is nowhere to sit, that’s their own fault.
Post # 15
If it’s past your RSVP date mark them as not coming but tell them, as the pp said. If you want to extend the invite to others then I think that’s fine, as long as you won’t be chasing them for RSVP’s too lol.
Post # 16
Send them an email, say very sorry you can not come, lets get togethor for dinner after wedding.