What would you do if…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: In this situation, I would:
    be thrilled and supportive. : (73 votes)
    43 %
    be angry and resentful. : (3 votes)
    2 %
    obviously seek couple's counseling. : (0 votes)
    not worry about it, things will fall into place on their own. : (47 votes)
    28 %
    I like cheese. : (37 votes)
    22 %
    Obligatory other... : (10 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Other, I’d be concerned but not angry. I also love cheese

    Post # 4
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would be pretty irritated that I wasn’t involved at all in the decision, especially since you have a young baby to think about. I would really want to be thrilled and supportive but I think my frustration over not being involved, and the proper questions not being asked, might cloud my initial reaction.

    Post # 5
    819 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I totally understand being so anxious to get out of a current position when something even remotely better comes along but caution against acting in such haste that you don’t find out important info such as this. Primary example – me. I HATED my last job and was offered a different position with a different firm. I quickly accepted because I wanted out so bad that I didn’t get ALL of the information about the position. Well, the grass definitely wasn’t greener so now I’m returning to my old job.

    Post # 6
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wait, I need more information.

    Your SO doesn’t like his job so he took a new one with higher earning potential but minimal benefits, and he didn’t ask you.

    You’re currently responsible for the entire family’s health benefits…but how do you feel your job?  Do you hate it?  Were you hoping to stay home for a bit with the baby?  Are your current benefits satisfactory/enough for your family? 

    Are you miffed more because you feel pressured to stay at your job for the benefits no matter what?  Or are you more annoyed that he made a bid decision without consulting you?

    Post # 7
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @DaneLady:  I would be disappointed that we didn’t at least have a conversation about it first.  But if it doesn’t affect our ability to pay bills and I carry the benefits then I don’t really see how it’s a bad thing.  Maybe I’m not reading it right?

    Post # 8
    4367 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If I was carrying benefits, I wouldn’t care.  Basically it would only hurt himself not to ask about his own vacation, that is just silly.

    But I work in HR, and that would never happen.  LOL.

    Post # 9
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I like swiss. Baby swiss. Absolutely delicious.


    Also, I would be annoyed if he didn’t discuss it with me first. But at the end of the day, his happiness is more important than money, especially if he isn’t the primary breadwinner.

    Post # 10
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Sharp cheddar.  Yum.  Get in mah belly…

    I’d be irritated, but if I had the benefits we were using I guess less so?  FI had a minor situation with work earlier this year in possibly being offered a night shift and we definitely discussed all options, how we’d work around having different schedules.  If he’d be happier in the new job, by all means though.

    Post # 11
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @DaneLady:  I would expect to be involved in the decision making process because if I was, all of those crucial questions would have answers. I wouldn’t accept a job without knowing all of those things and how the fit would be or else I could be going from bad to worse. You need an accurate picture of what you’re getting into.

    Even if I was the breadwinner, I wouldn’t be happy because it puts even more pressure on me if he becomes unhappy yet again or can’t deliver in the new work environment. I firmly believe that all important decisions need to be made as a unit and the implication to the family needs to be considered before any job is accepted.

    Post # 12
    1420 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would be irritated but still supportive in this case. If the benefits were with his job then I would be angry, and if he was the bread winner. 

    Post # 14
    552 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My BF recently took a new job without even asking what his wages would be, let alone any questions about benefits, vacation, etc! I was not mad, I actually laughed, because it’s just so him to do that. It all worked out fine in the end, they’re paying him slightly more than his last job, with more overtime, and he will have benefits in 3 months. I think if he ever applies for another job I will make him a crib sheet with the questions he needs to ask, because honestly I think he just forgets about most of that stuff. He’s a mechanic, so his questions are about the shop, what kind of equipment they work on, the hours, etc. He is so much happier at this new job, so it was the right decision in the end.

    Post # 15
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’d like to have been at least told that my husband was going to job hunt (assuming SO didn’t tell you first?). I’m really only be mad if the job required us to move a good deal away, but otherwise I’d be happy for him.

    Post # 16
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If he went out and applied for a job, interviewed and accepted it and hid the whole thing from me, yes I would definately be mad.

    If he went to work one day and they offered him a promotion on the spot and he took it and knew there wouldn’t be a pay cut and we wouldn’t have to move, no I would not be mad.

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