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to be honest if i found my dream dress i wouldnt be happy if someone told (or hinted) to me not to buy it because they didnt want me to wear it. for you its bad form but for her its her dream dress. sounds like youre going to have to suck it up - hopefully she'll find a different dress in the meantime
Oh wow, that is a sticky situation--especially since you already bought the dress? Are you willing to part with it? If so, would you be willing to sell it to her and find a (better!) dress?
Yep - same question - whose wedding is first? If yours is first, then take it as a compliment. If hers is first, tell that bridezilla that is your dress!!!
Oh no! This EXACT same situation happened to a good friend of mine! It was her fiance's friend's fiance, and she basically stole her dress from her. My friend was devastated.
Whose wedding is first? My guess is hers (that was the situation in my friend's case) so she didn't have any leverage at all. She ended up going out and getting a new dress, but she never was truly satisfied with it. I can't believe that there are girls out there who would do this to another bride. How would they feel if the exact same thing happened to them??
If your wedding is first...wear away! It's going to look like she copied off of you. If her wedding is first...I'm so so so so so sorry!!! No one should ever have to go through something like this!
I misread your post - since hers is first and she is going to steal her dress, I would say that it hurts your feelings that she is going to wear it. Has she asked you if this bothers you? Does she know that you planned on wearing this dress??
If I were her, I wouldn't do it but I do not think that you can do anymore than you've already done to change the situation. If your wedding is first, I wouldn't even worry about it. Everyone will see you first and if they notice hers is the same... they'll think she copied you not the other way around. (although honestly, people won't really care)
ETA: I didn't see that hers is first either. Gosh that just SUCKS. I would talk to her again and tell her you've already bought yours and there is nothing you can do about it and it would REALLY hurt you if she wore your dress first.
Oh wow, this is a hard one. Has she expressed that she likes this dress before you bought it? Did she know you were buying it before you actually did? I'm guessing the two of you are quite close as you said most of your guest list will be the same so I'm assuming you both run in the same social circles.
Personally I don't think you're being unreasonable. You bought the dress already. You've asked her to buy another dress and there are hundreds of thousands of similar looking dresses out on the market so I'm sure she could find something. I'd stick to your guns and talk to her again about it. I totally understand she doesn't want to compromise for her wedding but she should also respect you asking her to not buy the dress you've already bought.
I certainly wouldn't purchase a new dress. I'm sure enough money went into the first one. I'd probably still wear it. You can't make her not wear it, and she already insisted even though you asked her nicely not to purchase it. I'm surprised that she still wants the dress, even tho your FI's have the same group of friends. Is it a lot of people?
I dunno, I keep thinking about my Fi's friends...and the girls they're with and if they got the same dress as me, it'd probably look like a TOTALLY different dress on them! And then i think that our guest list probably overlaps by like 5 friends and their SO's. So it probably wouldn't be a big deal.
But that's me. I'd take it as a challenge of fabulousness to make sure I just looked better. Yes, I am mean.
Answer to question:
I have already booked my wedding date (a few months back) but she has not choosen an official date as she just got engaged a few weeks back. She has suggested that she would prefer to get married either 1 month prior or 2 weeks after.
I did tell her/show her what dress I had purchased before she went dress shopping as well, I think that is what hurts more.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. If you have alreay bought the dress and it is the one you love then I would wear it. There's not much else you can do unfortunately. Hopefully the other bride will change her mind and get something else.
Okay. This is a really tough situation. It seems to me that most of this is up to her.
You have your dress. You love your dress. If it's sales final, you can't return it. And you don't want to go buy a different dress and waste the first dress (and the $$$ for the first dress).
So, try to talk with her again. As nicely as possible. Explain the situation to her and ask her if she feels comfortable wearing the same dress as you within the same month with a very similar guest list. She may be, but she might not be.
The fifth-grader in me WANTS to say "I got it first. I win." And I think that there should be some level of respect for that.
But it's really up to her whether she looks for a different dress. If she decides not to, then you have to decide whether your dress can still be special to you.
I really think that each of your weddings will be so unique (you're two entirely different people!) that it won't feel like a "copy cat" sort of thing. So if you really love your dress, don't be afraid to stick with it. But if you aren't going to be able to love it anymore, it's okay to find something that you WILL love and will be yours.
@PinkSparkle: I think it's even worse that she already knew it was *your* dress before purchasing. So sorry that you are going through this. Would you rather have your current dress, even if it isn't unique, or would you prefer to have something that is all yours?
I'm so sorry this is happening. Especially b/c you showed her the dress before she went shopping. I feel like this is a mirror of what happened to my friend. I hope for you that she chooses the date 2 weeks after you. Then she can buy any dress she wants to. But it really is hurtful that she saw your dress, knew what it looked like, is trying to book her wedding date a month before yours and is still insistent on buying your dress. To me, she is stealing your dress, and that's awful.
You can try to see if there's another dress out there. My friend explained to everyone what happened, and they fell all over her trying to find her another dress. It's just something you don't do to someone else.
OK WAIT!!! If this is the fiance of one of your FI's friends... can you ask FI to talk to his buddy about this??
Or maybe if she goes through with it, get drunk at her reception, confront her, and have an all out Bride Wars style battle and tear her dress. (Sorry, couldn't help myself :) )
If she hasn't picked her date yet, I would tell her she needs to get married AFTER. Its just not fair that you show her your dress, then she buys it and wears it first.
Wow, she knew what your dress looked like before hand? That's pretty ridiculous of her.
I say work the dress. As EJS said, take it as a fabulosity challenge & just rock the hell out of that dress!
One thing I'd strongly advise - do not tell/show this girl anything else that you're planning... If she's the type to bogart your dress...who knows what else she might "borrow".
I know you said she hasn't picked a date yet but maybe you can talk her into waiting a few weeks after yours? Totally random and it might not be conventional, but how would you feel about offering to sell her your dress once your wedding's over?
Hundreds / thousands of girls wear each dress out there. You're bound to have the same one or similar one as SOMEONE you know in the world, either through here or in real life. I think it isn't fair to tell her not to. Instead you need to focus on what will be different. Will she wear a veil and you a fascinator? I think it would be nice to congratulate her on finding her perfect dress, and ask how she plans to accessorize (and share your ideas for yourself) so that you two won't be "twins!" I think that's a nice way to put it, instead of being like "so I don't look like you" or something that could come off mean.
@ Mrs. Louboutin I did ask the men not to get involved because I wanted to save their friendship. They are good firends and I know this girl via their friendship. Unfortch, they did speak and I think it made the situation worse only in the fact that she was upset that her fiance approached her about the situation. I would be too and that certainly was not my intension.
@eloping Completely understand where you are coming from, and I think I would be offended too if someone asked me to purchase a dream dress. It is my dream dress to, that is why I purchased it and showed it off to her (prior to her engagement)
@ Miss Meepsie you totally just made my day with the use of "bogart". I say it all the time. ;)
OK, I'm usually for taking the high road, but that is kinda crazy, now that I know you showed her your dress BEFORE she fell in love with it. If it was just a coincidence, my advice would greatly differ. I would ask them nicely that if they are not willing to change the dress, then to have the date set after yours. Honestly, if she is still being bridezilla, I'd probably tell all of our mutual friends what she did, so they will know that YOU had the dress first and don't think YOU copied HER....yuck!
Anyone remember the movie "Single White Female"? <psycho noises>
Omg, how terrible. I feel so bad for you. I agree with your take, I would not even think of buying the same dress as one of my friends, especially to wear it before her. That is just rude. I sure hope she changes her mind.
I agree with Miss Meepsie that you shouldn't share anymore ideas with this girl. The nerve of her saying the dress that you got is her dream dress after seeing and knowing you already got it. The bitch in me is screaming 'Honey, there are a ton of dresses out there..find another dream!' but the non-confrontational side of me says you already talked to her about it and she seems adamant on sticking to her plan.
Is your wedding in October (that's what it says next to your name), because if it is, hopefully (fingers crossed for you) she will have no choice but to get married after you since September is a popular month and venues and vendors get booked early.
Honestly? I wouldn't worry about it. Of the weddings I've been to, I only remember one dress (it had nude netting on the top with rhinestones circling her chest!). Of all the others, I simply remember that the bride wore white and looked awesome. Your guests probably won't notice, regardless of who wears it first, unless they're engaged and in the process of looking for a dress! :)
Why is she riding you and your wedding? I'd be so annoyed. I would just go ahead and wear the dress and tell everyone you know how she insisted on wearing the same dress as you. Make her look crazy. But then again, I'm vindictive like that.
@PinkSparkle....she and I would need to have some serious words and at the very LEAST, she would not be involved/privy to any other decisions I made regarding my wedding. I think that's a sucker move to SEE your dress, know you already purchased it...and then declare it HER dream dress AND try to wear it first. If I knew that my friend had already purchased a particular gown...I wouldn't even try it on! Much less purchase it!
Miss Meepsie...."bogart" is definitely the word of the day in this situation
Honestly, I'd not say another word about it. If she already knew what dress you ordered and took it upon herself to pick out the same one...it sounds like an intent to trumph you. Then she goes as far to say she's planning to hold her wedding just before or right after yours? If you give her any indication that you'd prefer she have her wedding after yours....she'll almost surely pick a date before.... Don't say another word and treat her more like you do when you're keeping your enemies closer...
I am so sorry to hear this. I am with Mrs. Lou -- see if you can get your FI to talk to his friend...often times if you can get the FI on board with it and then HE can talk some sense into her...
How does your FI feel about the situation?
Has she actually dress shopped yet, or just seen yours and fell in love? Has she tried it on? Maybe it'll look terrible on her and she'll find something else! Let's hope!!
This does really suck! If it helps any, however, I didn't remember what my friends wore at their weddings by the next day (and I was IN the wedding!!), let alone a month afterwards. So while people may think "oh, that dress reminds me a little of X's dress" I don't think anyone that doesn't already know they are the same will be able to tell. (Unless there is something totally unique & stand-out about this dress--like racing stripes down the back or non-white/ivory color, etc.)
If there is no way to talk her out of the dress & no way to accept the fact that you will be in the same dress, then you should try to SELL her your dress. Let her know again that you think it's unfair that with all the hundreds of thousands of dresses out there she had to pick your exact same dress which you already showed her, you will let her have her bratty little way if she buys your dress from you. You will have to look for a new dress and you shouldn't have to take the financial "L" just b/c she is inconsiderate.
Just saw your response to getting the boys involved...understandable!
A little off topic, but any chance you can post a pic of this dress? I am so curious now!
I'm sorry, but unless you are wearing a green flamenco gown with hand designed Native American beading, I don't think there's any reason for her to need THAT exact dress. Whatever your tastes may be - beading, ruching, lace, dropped waist, princess skirt - there are enough dresses out there that you can find the exact combination of elements you want many times over. So I am very suspicious of her motives. Maybe I'm totally off here, but I would not be surprised at all if this girl is secretly envious of you!
That said, I don't know if there's anything you can do. It's a free country, you can't stop her from wearing it. You've politely expressed your feelings. You can make a huge deal of it but odds are that won't help either and it will only create awkwardness for you. I would absolutely ROCK that dress and be picturing myself in the Who Wore it Best column (you know, from the tabloids?) ha ha!
it's just a dumb thing for her to do! What kind of weird stalker does that? Don't share with her any of your other plans, and tell your FI to keep mum, too. Even to his friend. Don't mess up your friendship or anything, but don't let her rip off any of your other good ideas.
My friend has the same dress as me for her wedding (IN THE SAME SPOT!) but for us, it's more of a hilarious coincidence, because we met beCAUSE we were getting married at the same venue. The other stuff was just uncanny - her eyes LIT up when I described my dress. She was like, IS THAT THE NICOLE MILLER ONE?! WITH THE KNOT?! haha. So it was both of our ideal dress. Go figure.
Your friend? not the same situation! I second Mouse's advice ;)
Punch her in the nose!! (KIDDING. SO KIDDING. 
)
I agree with all the other bees. It's crappy of her to do this. I don't know what demands you can really make or how you can compromise, but I had a lot of random thoughts.
- I agree, tell a few friends about it and how it's kind of nuts, maybe jokingly. The word will get around that she's stealing your ideas.
- Would you be willing to help her look at dresses? Maybe you can even send her some that have the same look and feel and say you want to help, and that you thought they'd look awesome on her? Don't make an ultimatum of course, but maybe you can find something better?
- Alter your dress a bit? Is there anything extra you'd want to do, like a sash or a flower or a sparkly pin? Maybe you can make it your own. Just DON'T tell her what you're planning, lol. Maybe you can change it up with different shoes or a different veil too. I'm not saying compromise your look, but if you want some of this stuff, this whole mess is a good reason to go for it.
-Steal some of her ideas and see how she likes it, lol. Did she tell you anything about her wedding? Like colors or flowers? Tell her how much you loved it and you're gonna do the same thing. Maybe a taste of her own medicine will help, hahaha
I'm really sorry she did all this. I do hope you can work something out!
This sucks, so sorry to hear that and if I were you I would probably not share much else with her, I know that imitation is considered flattery but in case their wedding is first you have saved yourself from anything else being copied. I would also share with her that this is what you are worried about, and since you all have the same circle of friends I would also remind people of who bought the dress first, that's just me.
I third Mouse.
First of all, I would never ever ever even think about trying on a dress I knew my friend had already purchased for her wedding. And I speak from experience because I LOVE the Melissa Sweet dress my one friend recently wore for her wedding, but I refused to even put it on. That would be weird and wrong and create strange tension between us.
Second, she has only been engaged for a couple weeks and she's already picked a dress? And it HAS to be the same dress as yours? Something's not right here. There are millions and millions of dresses to choose from. I'd be really curious to see if she would have picked that dress had she never known it was yours.
Third, why the heck is her wedding within a month of yours? Well, I guess I do have a friend who chose a date two weeks after ours a few months after we set our date, but our friends don't entirely overlap and their wedding is local.
Anyway, this is too strange to be just a coincidence or normal. I say tell anyone who will listen that she went out and bought the same dress as you and you're totally weirded out by it, but still wear it. You guys will probably look very different in the dress and it really doesn't matter at the end of the day.
I would be upset...and I would tell her that it made me upset.
Bogart is totally the word of the day in this thread... Ugh. People like that piss me off.
She definitely seems a little "off" to put it nicely.
Haha - I wonder ... what if you showed her a different gown and talked it up like nobody's business & said how you wish that you could trade in your dress for that one and how you're so sad you didn't find this new one first... yadda yadda yadda... and how you're going to try to sell your gown so that you can get this new one... She might just be crazy enough to bogart the new one, letting you keep the true dress of your dreams... It's crazy, but so is she... might be worth a shot. :)
Whatever you do, good luck sweetie - you will rock the dress so hard and she will look like a fool regardless of when her wedding is. Of course, letting her sheisty ways be known to your circle of overlap guests wouldn't hurt. 
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Hi Bees!
I have a situation that I do know how to handle.
A friend (my fiancés friends' fiancé) has expressed their desire to purchase the same wedding dress as me and host there wedding within a month of my own. I have already purchased my dress (no refunds or returns) and paid for the reception/ ceremony site several months ago.
I did ask the friend (very nicely) to not purchase the dress, but she insists that it is the dress of her dreams and she should not have to compromise.
We have all the same friends, and will have the same guest list besides our own families.
I feel offended and hurt by the situation. If I were on the opposite end, I would certainly refrain from purchasing the same dress and deeply apologize for even considering it.
What would you do? Purchase a new dress? Stick to your guns and wear the same dress even if she gets married before me? Do you think I am being selfish asking her to not purchase the same dress?
Thanks!