- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I have a friend that is getting married this spring. We arent super close but stay in touch every once in a while.
I recieved her wedding invitation in the mail this week but on the RSVP card it only had the option of yes or no in attendance.
I sent her a txt today asking if We had the option to bring a guest or not and she told me NO , that the reception was private, thats why the card was only addressed to me and not my DH or the option to bring a guest. The ceremony is open, just cant bring a guest into the reception.
I dont know her family, I dont know her soon to be husband or his family and just feel super uncomfortable to show up alone.
Im thinking about just going to the ceremony and leaving. What am I suppose to do? tell DH he cant come into the reception?! "Oh yeah you have to go to the car while I party it up in this awesome reception!" lmao
Im honestly kinda bummed out because I dont wanna miss it, but I refuse to go by myself.
Well, I do understand that people have budget constraints, but I generally think if the "plus one" is your spouse there should be an exception. If I didn't know anyone who was going to be there, I'd probably send my regrets along with a nice gift.
My FI and I are having a small wedding but we are still following the convention that we are inviting the partner of everyone who is living with their partner. Also, everyone we're inviting knows at least 20+ people at the wedding. I think this is strange! I would still probably go, but it's definitely a bummer!
The ceremony and reception is 2 hrs from where I live. It starts at 5pm and its in a really big city. Im not really comfortable traveling that far away to an unfamiliar town by myself at night. I also have some anxiety issues and dont like to attend huge functions like that alone; If I knew someone else that were going I would be ok because I have a "comfort blanket" with me.
I don't mind going places by myself, but a wedding isn't like going to a movie. It's a social gathering, people are chatting, drinking, dancing. It's not as fun IMHO if you're looking around for people to talk to all night.
Ooooh this is hard - I believe that FIs and DHs are automatic "plus ones", I think the only way I would go is if it was one of my close friends weddings as we are a pretty biggish group - if it was one of my other friends and I knew no one else I probably wouldn't go. It just wouldn't be any fun...
I guess as long as I knew at least 1 other person (other than the bride or groom as they will be too busy) I'd go but still leaving my FI at home would make me cranky hahaha
If my husband was not invited, I doubt I would attend. I'm having a small wedding as well and not everyone is getting a plus one but married couples of course are, whether I know them well or not!
Once you're married, you have a permanent plus one added to all invitations to social events of this sort. No exceptions. He's your husband. I would decline. And then not send a gift because I'd be so offended and wouldn't feel like being the bigger person.
@KatyElle: I totally agree. Im def not someone that just walks up to strangers and start chatting it up with them lol. Im really shy until I get to know ya!
Husband/wife/partners are social unit. Super awkward to invite one and then expect the other to not be allowed. I'd politely decline the entire invite. 4 hours round trip by yourself is a lot. Budget constraints are one thing, but they need to cut back on the list then to allow for people to bring their spouses.
ETA- I agree with GreenEyedMoon, I likely wouldn't send a gift either. But I'm sort of a meanie like that and only send gifts when I'm really bummed that I can't make it.
I totally agree with both of you. I was a little offended but wasnt sure if I were being dramatic or not..... had to ask my Bees! :D
I would just go to the ceremony too. I think she definitely should have invited your husband.
eta: just read previous posts and saw that the wedding is 2 hrs away... yeah I would just send regrets.
Off topic, but it seems like so many people just have no wedding common sense anymore.
One of my husband's GOOD friends (like, we've all hung out many times and even vacationed together) got married recently and on the invite they sent us it said:
"[DH] and guest"
Really? After being married for all these years and you know me, I'm just... guest? People are silly.
@GreenEyedMoon: Haha, i just wanted to say that I loved the honesty of your response! That is because I would feel the same way.
I would be pissed, and probably wouldn't send a gift let alone attend the wedding.
No I don't think i would drive 2 hours just to attend a ceremony. I'm ok with going places by myself so if it happened on a day dh wasn't available I might go but if youre not comfortable I think it's reasonable to decline.
Hmmm, I voted go to the ceremony but now that I see that it's two hours away I'd vote not go at all. I'm sorry but my hubby and I are kind of a package deal for formal occasions now.
@MrsRuby: Well you came to the right place! I don't think you are being overdramatic.
@KatyElle: Srsly? And you've vacationed together!? That is just a tad silly.
Perhaps she doesnt care too much if you go? If she did she would allow you to bring your husband...
I wouldnt go without my husband esp if I didnt know that many people there.
@80sbee: I dont think its so much that because every couple days she sends me a message saying "cant wait to see you!!!"
but then again its the same person that RSVP YES without a doubt! to my wedding and didnt show up the day of; "because she had church to attend that morning" .........my wedding was at 3 in the afternoon but whatever....
I voted for "attend only the ceremony with your husband". Just noticed it's 2 hours away though, so not quite sure. I would probably respectfully decline given that you also don't know her or her family that well. If she was a friend or so I'd understand to just go to the ceremony, maybe she really can't afford much and you guys were kinda close but not too close... there's really no way to make what she did sound good, it's really stupid, but it is what it is. I would send my regrets, and maybe a small gift, but nothing too big.
@MrsRuby: <then again its the same person that RSVP YES without a doubt! to my wedding and didnt show up the day of; "because she had church to attend that morning"> This person sounds like a complete flake. I agree with everyone else that a married couple is always considered a single unit for social invites unless it's something segregated by gender (female only bridal shower, male only bachelor party, etc.)
I'm the kind of girl who has no trouble attending a wedding solo when I don't know people....I just went to one like that in November when FI had to work. BUT, it is super rude not to invite your DH in my opinion. I'd skip it given your other info about how far it is,etc.
If I was invited to her reception and my husband was not, I would tell her a few things.
1. Screw off!
2. If you don't understand that husbands and wives are a package deal then you should save yourself the trouble of getting divorced and just stay single.
3. I am done because I refuse to be friends with idiots.
Sorry, but that really rubs me the wrong way. Your "friend" seems very strange not expecting that people would want to bring their spouse.
Sent from my Android
Sent from my Android
Sent from my Android
I would skip. I would feel uncomfortable around a bunch of strangers all night without a friend or my FI there to talk to.
Invitations like this are incredibly rude. If a couple's been together over a year, married or not, the SO should be able to come. My SO's friends got married a couple years ago, and didn't allow +1s for anyone that wasn't married. One of the guests, longtime friend of theirs, had been w/her BF for 4 years, and wasn't allowed to bring him.
I wouldn't go. I don't think this has anything to do with being independent/confident enough to go places alone; it's just plain rude. When a couple is married, they automatically become one unit as someone else said. You either invite the unit or you don't, you don't split the unit in half as that creates an incredibly awkward situation and is just rude. If there are budget concerns than the whole couple should have been excluded, not half.... at least IMO.
I would not attend at all but I would send a card and a small monetary gift.
I voted to not go at all. I would not attend a wedding wthout my husband and would be really ticked off if he attended one without me. Further I would be totally pissed if he was invited to a wedding and I was not! I would decline (and probably not politely) and would not send a gift either!
@KatyElle: This happened after you were married?! Man, I was pissed when my husband got an invite addressed "and guest" when we were living together. But, I have to add, my husband was in the wedding, the groom's uncle is married to my aunt, so we're kinda related and we hung out on many occasions, so they for sure knew about me!
I think it's rude to your husband. If her budget is that tight then she shouldn't have invited you, Unless it's a gift she's after. I'd send my regrets!
I would politely decline and send a gift or card:)
Seems a little unfair, especially since you are married and she wasn't exactly keen on your wedding. If you were a BM that would be a different story.
There's no way I'd travel two hours to go to the ceremony/reception by myself. I'd maybe consider going if it was local, but I think I'd be so offended I wouldn't want to go no matter what. Like others have said, husbands and wives are a package deal.
@Vegas Pug: Yes, we'd been married for 4 years at that point! I actually wouldn't have minded as his girlfriend or even his "fiancee" but as his wife? You really can't just use my name?
If she was a really good friend and it was local then I would probably ask DH to go to the ceremony with me but skip the reception all together. Traveling to go to a wedding by myself? i'd probably skip and send a nice gift.
Personally, if someone is married, or in a long term relationship they have a +1. Or if they dont know many people. the only people that I am not giving +1's too are close younger family members that are not married... everyone else. +1. how awkward to be invited and not having your husband... and awkward for him to go to ceremony and not reception.
No thank you. I would decline personally..
I am not the shy personality type by any means, but a wedding is not an event I want to show up to alone.... just saying.
And no, I wouldnt send a gift.
And... realllllly she didnt show up to your wedding at 3pm because of church? She could have went to an earlier time and came to your wedding. Obviously she is fishing for a gift at this point. texting i cant wait to see you .. really? she didnt have the curtiousy to come to your wedding. and you would have to drive 2 hours. NO THANK YOU!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 48 |
| rachgirl82 | 39 |
| pengoala | 38 |
| Sunfire | 23 |
| Beckster329 | 22 |
| Future Army Wife | 20 |
| Mrs. Meowerson | 19 |
| KatNYC2011 | 18 |
| couawilou | 18 |
| beargoose | 18 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| kate02121 | 5 |
| andielovesj | 4 |
| abbie017 | 4 |
| kimberlyr22 | 3 |
| Beckster329 | 3 |
| KCKnd2 | 3 |
| UmbrellaMoon | 2 |
| Pollywog | 2 |
 LauraFaye4411 |
2 |
| T-Rex | 2 |
