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What would you do ... if my family and his family ....

posted 2 years ago in Parties
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    Buzzing bee
    MsHymanRoth    October 24, 2009   Boston

    Our parents have met each other at dinner and they really liked each other and enjoyed themselves ... but they only met once. So far just our parents have met each other.

    What are your suggestions. Have you ever been in this position? What should we do and what did you do?

    Will it be ok if everyone meets each other for the first time at our wedding? Ahhh.

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Ours met at our engagement party...after we'd been together 3.5 years =]

    They met each other again at the rehearsal and wedding. It went fine; everybody was on good behavior and chatty at dinner. It's not like my parents had to hang out with his parents all night long--each set of parents have thier own family to entertain anyways.

    Seriously no big deal. Too many people, too much going on with a wedding. They'll all barely chat except for dinner =]

     
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    Sugar bee
    naangel55    June 20, 2009   Long Beach, CA

    Do you have time to organize a dinner or get together before the wedding?  They got along, so thats the good thing :)  They will see each other at the rehearsal dinner as well so I dont think you would worry if you cant get them together beforehand.

     
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    scissors    June 19, 2010   Atlanta, Ga

    I vote on organizing some sort of dinner or low-key get together. :)

     
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    nybride09    9/19/09   New York, NY

    our parents met a few days before our engagement party. our siblings will meet the evening before our wedding. everyone's in disparate locations so it's really not an option before that. they don't get in until friday afternoon for our saturday wedding. we're keeping dinner that night to low key, just our family venue so it should hopefully allow them some time to get to know each other. that said, it likely may not matter - as my mum puts it, it's unclear when the siblings will ever meet again since they're not even on the same continent. everyone will play nice and be courteous at the wedding, no worries.

     
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    Jessie516    May 16, 2009   Ann Arbor, MI

    Do your families live far away from one another?  If it wouldn't be too difficult logistically, I'd want to get teh parents together to spend some more time together  in a more low-key way before the wedding.  Maybe just a dinner or something.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    mary-alice-me    May 24, 2009   Kentucky

    Our parents met in February, after we'd been together 3 years and 3 months before the wedding. It only happened this way because my MIL threw a fit and said she would not meet my parents for the first time at the wedding.

    I knew it wasn't practical for them to meet because they live 1,000 miles apart, and that's why I arranged for our wedding to be at a B&B where family would stand and mingle all weekend. To me, that was the practical solution. But it's not what happened. Oh, my parents met only his mom. My bro, his sister, and his dad were all in the picture for the first time the day before the wedding.

    I think meeting once is sufficient unless someone is pushing for more. If it's convenient, arrange for another dinner. At least you already know they like each other!

     
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    Helper bee
    ETwedding    12/12/2009   Chicago

    Our families only met once - a dinner after graduating from college 3 years ago. Since my family lives in MI, his lives in DC and we live in Chicago, it is not natural for us all to hang out. My mom and sisters hung out w/ his mom and sister this past weekend for my bahcelorette party, but that's been it, and will be it until the wedding weekend. Sometimes, distance doesn't give many options. You just have to go with it and hope that everyone will be on good, friendly behavior for the wedding weekend.

     
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    HL    10/11/09  

    My FI's family lives abroad, so our parents have never met and won't meet until the wedding (for various reasons that I'm not thrilled about, we can't have a rehearsal dinner). I'm not that worried about it, though.

     
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    Blushing bee
    dec09bride    12/05/2009   Texas

    Our parents have not met. The moms will meet at the first bridal shower (if his comes). The dad's may not meet until the couple's shower. We haven't really worried about it too much. The family's schedules are all so different, it is hard to coordinate things.

     
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    Noelle-a-Belle    October 16 2009   Southern CA

    My parents have met his dad once, but they won't meet his mom until the RD.  I don't think it is a big deal.  I'm sure they will get along, and it's really not as if they'll be seeing much of each other ever again.  They live literally thousands of miles away from each other. 

     
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    Busy bee
    abrideagain    October 24, 2009   Austin

    Dinner would be nice, but if you're like me, all the families live in different cities...kind of hard to organize.  Our families are meeting probably for the first time (since none of our other plans to get them together have worked out thus far) at our rehearsal.  I think it's a little odd, but I'm not really stressing over it.  They're all grown ups and know how to be on their "good behavior."

    Also, I have invited a few sets of each parents' friends, so it's not as if the parents have only each other to talk with all night long...

    I say that you'll be fine.

     
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    Busy bee
    Bellini    January 1, 2011   Washington, DC

    our families first met at my baptism, my FI is greek orthodox so i took the classes and was baptized and my godfather threw me a huge party. anyway my parents are practically anti-social, they dont even really have friends they see outside of work, so i was super worried about them meeting my fiances huge greek family.  i love my fiances family and have known them for three years, theyre my kind of people, but i was also worried my fiances family wouldnt like my quiet, awkward parents.  luckily it went smoothly, they had a couple of drinks and everyone relaxed, and while my parents left a bit early, it seemed to go ok.

    i wouldn't worry about it, worst case scenario is that they don't have great chemistry, in which case having alcohol around helps ;) but your families will most likely get along fine, and if they don't, they'll probably just have polite small talk.  you and your future husband are always a safe, neutral topic :)

     
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    Bee Keeper
    RecessionistaBride    January 28, 2012  

    We're coming up close to 4 years (holy hell), and due to logistical reasons, our parents haven't met & won't meet until a few days before the wedding!  The tradition of parents meeting & having each other for dinner, etc is a nice gesture, but really hard to make happen sometimes!

    As for the families-- in our case, we're throwing a "Welcome Picnic" at the lake a few days before the wedding when all the guests roll into town! We're inviting all the important extended family members & friends so they can all mingle a little beforehand. 

    If you all live close together, perhaps you & your FI could throw a dinner party & invite your siblings, parents, grandparents, etc? 

     
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    Bumble bee
    Querida       Sugar Land, TX

    Are you having a rehersal?  Since rehersals are smaller than weddings, that would be a good start, but if there is no rehersal, maybe you could set aside a time for everyone to have dinner or something - like Fifty said.  If it can't be done or you are stressing more by setting something up, let it go.  I'm sure everyone will be polite and behave.  :) 

     
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    Dragonsus    December 19, 2009   Lexington KY

    We've been together for quite some time too, but my parents live in Oregon, his live in North Carolina.  Add in our home in Kentucky and the logistics get a little crazy.  I think our parents have met once or twice, but before our December wedding, we're having both families come together for Thanksgiving at his parents' house. 

    Generally, unless someone doesn't like someone else, I think it's a good idea to at least get together for a couple hours before the wedding itself - maybe dinner or lunch the day before?  Even if they don't meet up until a couple of days before the wedding, I think things will still work out fine.  Deep breaths and good luck!

     
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    liztwinz    10/17/2009   SW Georgia

    Aaaack! Our wedding is 33 days away and our parents still haven't met. We're both encores, so it's a bit different, however, this coming weekend is a couples shower for us (our first shower) and my parents are coming up and his parents are coming down-so they will be meeting for the first time. Am I anxious about it? YOU BET!

     
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    Busy bee
    Carbon Girl    January 17, 2010   Vermont, planning from Gainesville, FL

    Our parents have not met.  So his parents and his sister are coming to spend Thanksgiving weekend with my family!  OMG!  My shower will also be that weekend.  I am nervous because dinner is one thing but four days is another thing entirely.  They are staying in a hotel, which helps.  I hope it all goes well.

     
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    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    Our parents met for the first time when we graduated college. They all sat together during the graduation ceremony and then after we all went out to dinner and thats when all of our siblings met as well. Then last Thanksgiving my mom came down to his parents house and had Thanksgiving with us. Oh, they also all saw each other again at our engagement party. It always is going to feel a little awkward, but dont even worry about it! Even if they dont meet until the RD it doesnt matter! Everyone will enjoy themselves and youll have a great time because itll be your wedding!

     
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    Worker bee
    ONash      

    Our parents haven't met yet. My parents invited his to their place for supper along with us. His parents thought that it was 'weird' to meet someone in their home for the first time and wanted to make a supper date in a restaurant instead. Then we said we would pay for it, but money can be tight around here and they know that, so then they wanted to pay for it, while we pretended we were paying. Both of those things made me very angry, especially being asked to lie to my family for some undisclosed reason. I said I was offended and we dropped the subject. It hasn't come up again.

    The only reason I feel bad about it is because they expressed a desire to meet each other. Apart from that it's not like they have to become best friends forever. They just have to get along and I think I can trust all of them to do that. So maybe we'll get them together before the wedding, but if not I'm not going to worry about it.

     
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    grace8367    September 6, 2009   Chicago

    We had a bbq a couple months before to give everyone a chance to meet.  But if it's not logistically possible I don't think it's that uncommon for the extended families to meet at the wedding.  There is enough going on that it won't be awkward.

     

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