Weddingbee boards

I just found out my friend is cheating on her husband, they have been together for a few years and she has cheated on him numerous times before, just this time around they are married and they have a child.

Knowing is eating me up inside because her husband is an amazing man that I have a lot of respect for. She treats him like he cant do anything right and like he is the worst husband in the world, but the truth is that he isnt, she finds fault in him because she is being treated like a queen by her jerk ex. He always seems so miserable and he used to be quite a happy guy. She controls his every moved, doesnt allow him to live his life how he wants to and if he even talks to a girl she doesnt know she goes  ballistic.

She always cheats with the same person, it is one of her exes that she just cant seem to stay away from.

I dont understand why she is still with her husband, why she pretends their lives are so perfect, why they are going to therapy to try and fix things when the real problem is that she is still in love with her ex and sleeping with him. i dont understand how someone can risk their childs happiness for what, an hour or two every week with a giant douche bag.

If you knew would you tell, i personally dont think it is my place, but I cant sit around and watch him suffer for much longer.

She isnt the type of person you can just sit down and discuss it with. I've done it before with the cheating topic, with the her being a bit of a shoddy friend topic (another long story, she is actually a bridesmaid and our wedding isnt in Dec its a lot sooner, i just couldnt post under my regular profile, but ever since i got engaged she has pretty much ditched me unless its a group gathering), with the why on earth are you buying stuff on credit when you have so much debt already topic etc, etc etc - if you disagree with her or question her about anything no matter how diplomatically you try to do it she goes nuts. There are so many things I have confronted her about - she ALWAYS turns it around, gets really mean and tries to make me look like the bad guy. She said to me the other day out of all her friends im the only one that feels the need to be honest with her - like it's a bad thing. I think it says a lot about me that I am trying to help her and guide her to do the right thing by being honest - she cant see it though.

I feel like she has lost all sense of reality when we argue. For example, It came out just after they got married a few years ago that she cheated, but she denied, denied, denied it and now when she talks about it and the person that actually had the balls to tell her husband its like she's convinced herself that that person was lying and just out to get her - she's all "i cant believe that biyotch tried to ruin my family she deserves all the bad things that happen to her"

I just dont know what to do anymore, she has become this very self absorbed person, every single topic no matter how big or small her audience is all me, me, me - she even monopolised my hen party with stories of her marital problems (all of them lies when you know the real story). How can you make your partner go for therapy when he isnt even the issue, how can you make him try so hard and point out all these things he needs to work on (which he is) when it doesnt actually matter in the long run cos you're still intimate with your ex and you wouldnt even have problems if not for your disgusting behaviour.

I want to take her by the shoulders, shake her and say wtf is your problem. You have an incredible child, a loving husband that would do anything for you why are you screwing it up. You have a fantastic group of friends that are getting sick of you going on and on about yourself and not giving them a chance to get a word in, you have me, your best friend who you have treated like a second rate citizen since i got engaged and make feel like shit every time i open my mouth and say something you dont like,  but you just dont see that you're throwing it all away.

How can she not care about any of it. I do sometimes wonder why we're still friends, why she is a bridesmaid, but im really worried about her - something has gone really wrong with her and she is going to lose everything but she just doesnt care. She cant see past what she wants and needs and what makes her happy but isnt thinking about anyone else.

And dont get me started on the drama, every week there is something causing some sort of drama in her life, i have reached a point where i wonder if she is the person causing it so she can get attention.

Argh, this sound so so so mean. I am not mean. I am just furious and hurt and sick of knowing everything i know and trying to get her to see what is best for her then just getting a kick in the face.

@MrsNeutrino: Im not going to tell her husband, i cant. I cannot be the person that tears the family apart. BUT, i am tired of watching her belittle him, i am tired of her breaking him completely, i am tired of watching him try try try and try and not get anywhere with her. I am tired of her accussing him of cheating when all she is doing is projecting her guilt and I am tired of listening to her complain about him.

There are two of us that know, the same two people she always tells when she cheats - the other person wont ever stand up to the cheating friend, she avoids conflict at all times and will keep her feelings to herself no matter how much she disagrees with what the other person is doing just to keep the peace, But, she wants to have an "intervention" type thing, i just think if we do that its going to end exceptionally badly and i dont know how my very sensitive avoid confrontation type friend will deal with it.

Also, a few of you have used the words "judge" in your responses to me - the reason she tells the two of us things is because we are the two that dont judge or turn our backs on her. If she were to tell anyone else she is friends with a fraction of what she tells us they would cut her out completely. I always listen, I always try to give good advise and I always try and push her to do the right thing - i have to go about it rather sneakily though because if im direct and blunt about it she goes off. I have just reached a point where i cant sit back and watch her screw up her lives and those of her family.

@MrsProf, im not meddling, I have never meddled, i have always listened, non judgementally, kept my true feelings hidden under sugar coated supportiveness, but I just dont think I can do it anymore. I dont think i want someone like her in my life and I believe her husband deserves better, but again, its not my place to tell him. We are however going to tell her that we think she is being selfdestructive, what she does with the information is her perogative.

There are only two of us that know, others might guess, but its not something I have ever spoken about to anyone else in the group. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that if she were to tell anyone else they would turn their backs on her. So it would be two of us having an 'intervention'. She seems to respect therapists so we would include one.

@amnystik, thank you so much for what you just wrote, it is a huge compliment.

I really do want what is best for her, thank you for seeing that.