Post # 1
This isn’t in my own relationship but of a family member. My SO aunt has no relationship with her son. She says her and her son were like best friends and when he got married for some reason his wife didn’t want him talking to her or his father anymore so that’s what he did. She said she thinks she was jealous of their relationship. She has sent him heartfelt emails about how she feels and he responded with ” I will always love you and dad but this is how its has to be.” He has 2 kids that she has never met. She also has a daughter and when she tried to get involved the son just said mind your own business. My heart hurts for her because she has been nothing but kind to me and I love her so much. Of course I don’t know their side to it but I was just wondering what you would do if this was you. If you were the son/daughter or if you were the parent being pushed out.
If my SO didn’t want me talking to my parents for reasons that were petty (like jealousy as this is the apperant reason in this situation) I would not go with it. It would take something massive for anyone to get me to stop talking to my parents. If I was the one being abandoned by my child I would do all I can to fix it and never give up.
So what would you do? And do you have any ideas on how to try and fix this situation? I am not trying to get involved but his aunt and I talk a lot so I just want some ideas as to how to help her get her son back.
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Post # 2
Like you said, there are two sides to a story. I am not a mom or even a grandmother, so I cant imagine what your aunt by marriage is going through. How long has he been married? This is so wrong. do they live in the same state? You are going to have to find out the other side of the story, preferably from the DIL.
Post # 3
2good: I think they have been married for about 5 years maybe longer, yes they live in the same province. I just feel so sad for her because she really misses him. I wish I could speak to the DIL but I don’t even know her or the son. I have been with my SO for 6 years and have never met them. It wouldnt be my place anyway. No one will even tell her why this is happeneing .
Post # 4
What a sticky situation. My first thought is that your SO’s aunt’s son is choosing not to have a relationship with his family, instead of his wife is choosing for him. But to echo your post, you’ve only heard one side of the story. May I gently suggest that you sound like you’re getting involved even though you don’t want to? I figure you’re coming from a sympathetic place, and want to help your SO’s aunt with the best of intentions, but it might be best if you remain a person for her to vent to without providing any input.
Post # 5
- Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
AquamarineQueen: My fiancé and my recently had an issue similar to this one. Except that the person trying to mess with the family is a girlfriend and not a wife. My fiancé is really close to his family so the fact that this was happening to him really upset me. I told him that he needed to have a talk with the family member that was being affected. But most importantly I told him that family is sacred and you do not mess with family. Your family has been with you since day one and then this person comes along trying to control everything and break the family apart like if it was nothing. If my fiancé ever tells me that I cannot speak to one of my family members for some stupid reason I think that will be the end of it. I believe that if you allow person to mess with your family then you will allow that person to do anything that they want. Honestly there’s not much you can do because you’re not directly involved in the matter. Only time will tell what will happen and you could just hope that it doesn’t come back and bite him. Sad part is that at the end of the day his mom is going to be waiting for him no matter what.
Post # 6
AquamarineQueen: If there is no significan reason to cut off contact, then her son is a jerk.
If all else fails, they could take legal action to attain/maintain access to the grandchildren.
Post # 7
julies1949: I have mentioned that to her and she said it would only make things worse and her grandkids have no idea who she is and she doesn’t want this to affect them.
SilaC: I tell her all the time that if this is because of his wife that when (god forbid) they die that he will regret it and resent his wife for keeping him away.
I guess I’m just frustrated because I feel like she is giving up.
Post # 8
Yes, I have heard about this mystical mother and son bond. How my own mom wished for a son and ended up with three daughters. Lol. she was literally jumping up and down when she found out my sister was having a boy. Her prayers were answered, even if was her grandson.
No, you hate to see your aunt suffer. I dont want to tell you to jump in it either, but if something was ever terrible happens to his mother, how he is going to be so sorry he ever listened to his wife.
Post # 9
AquamarineQueen: It will affect the grandchildren either way. Which is worse? Not knowing your grandparents or knowing that your grandparents wanted to have a relationship with you?
If it were court ordered access, the introduction woud be sensitively handled by a court ordered social worker. They don’t hand frightened young children over to strangers.
Post # 10
Could some kind of conflict have occured between your aunt and her son and wife that you don’t know about? Maybe your aunt didn’t approve of his wife for some reason and made her opinion known to her son? Or her daughter in law is just extremely possessive and maybe abusive? There could be more to this than you know, and maybe all you can do is give your aunt a shoulder to lean on.
Post # 11
julies1949: You’re absoultly right.
ellie17: I asked her about their relationship before they were married. She said that she liked the DIL and she thought everything was fine. Maybe there is some things she isnt telling me but as far as I know this came out of nowhere. She seems to think the DIL is jealous of the relationship her and her son had so maybe the possessive part is right.
Post # 12
It seems a bit odd that this would come out of nowhere. How often do we see stories in here of rude or crazy MIL’s who still think their sons are their little babies and who openly end up rubbing the new wife the wrong way. I would just be hesitant to believe without both side of the story. She may very well be telling the truth but who knows how she acted once her son was being ‘taken’ away. To never meet your grandkids is pretty drastic. Of course the DIL could just be a bit of a psycho but the son is going along with it too. Just tread carefully before knowing all the information
Post # 13
AquamarineQueen: What does your SO think of all this? This is his aunt and his male cousin, so does he have any contact with his cousin? Is he close enough to his cousin to talk to him?
As a mother myself, I would be heartbroken and would simply continue to try to make contact with my son. I would try phoning him during work hours, when he is not around his wife. As a last resort I would intercept him outside home (e.g. at or after work).
I get all the comments about crazy MILs, but crazy young wives are probably at least as common; we just don’t read about them as much on Wedding Bee. If the aunt doesn’t seem crazy to you then I’m inclined to believe her.
My suspicion is she has done something to offend her DIL, possibly unintentionally.
Post # 14
I’d pay good money to know the son’s side of the story.
My SO and I are *this close* to cutting off the relationship with his mother, for a zillion reasons, but I’m sure if we do she’ll be confounded. She’ll think there’s no reason at all, and she can’t understand it, and she’ll want explanations that we won’t want to give (because it won’t be worth it, and she’ll just use it as an opportunity to manipulate or freak out).
I could believe anything – maybe the DIL is a controlling, conniving, manipulative demon. That certainly happens. Or maybe mom is infuriating in ways that she is simply incapable of hearing/understanding – that happens too. Impossible to know.
Post # 15
Unfortunately we can’t really provide much help without knowing the other side of the story. I personally feel that when there are issues like that, then it’s usually the MIL that does something. She either doesn’t realize that she did something offensive, or she doesn’t want to admit fault.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel there are super crazy DILs too. However, your SO’s aunt didn’t mention anything about that, so I don’t think that’s the issue. I don’t think you should try to solve the problem. It’s best that you stay out of it, even if you are close to your SO’s aunt.