Post # 1
Long story short – I’ve really been considering moissanite as an engagement ring. For many reasons – more sparkly, cheaper, no conflict, etc. I also just don’t see the point of a diamond, since it’s so expensive. I think diamonds are absolutely gorgeous, but I don’t see what the point is JUST because society says you should have a diamond, and anything else isn’t good enough, or real, or whatever.
I really trust my boyfriends’ mom – I love her so much. Well my boyfriend let it slip that I had been considering moissanite and she was like noooooo. Basically she wants me to have a diamond. And now my boyfriend is saying he wants me to have one to. I explained all my reasoning and even though he doesn’t have a lot of $$ right now for a ring (he wants to spend under 1500$) he wants the biggest he can get me for that price. But it seems like he asks me what I like and then just keeps trying to pick out something else. Like if I say I want a cushion-cut, he says well I think solitaires are pretty (which I think so too).
Anyway, she brought him home some magazines and jewelry catalogs because she’s really good with that kind of stuff. He picked out a 1/2 carat solitaire for $1000 that he is probably going to get me.
I guess the whole thing that bugs me is that it’s mostly they just think it HAS to be a diamond. I even asked him about gemstones and he was like no. I want you to have a diamond. Even though I said I may want something else! It’s like he thinks people will judge him. I understand it but..isn’t it my choice too? I mean I understand if this was a surprise from him but he wanted me to help and has been dragging his feet since January now (and I still won’t get the ring for a few months, he probably won’t even buy it for a few months). If he wanted me to help, how come every time I toss out an idea it doesn’t matter? I had a moissanite ring picked out for a month and he said if I wanted it I could have it. Now it’s out the door. Gemstone? No. This setting looks good, it’s pretty, I think I’ll get it.
I’m just so over waiting for him to finally do something, I guess I should be happy. I am happy that he is finally doing it, but I think the waiting has me aggravated?
Post # 3
That is a tough one! On the one hand it is YOUR ring, but on the other… getting him to go against his mother could make for some issues.
At the end of the day it seems like he wants you to have the best and maybe he is just concerned that you are only asking for a moissanite because of the expense?
I would just enjoy the ride and accept the lovely gift he has for you 🙂
Post # 4
@CupcakeLove: That’s true. And it’s only a ring I guess. I’m just so ready for him to propose, honestly…I want to marry him so much! I wish I didn’t even have to plan a wedding!!
And I really value his mothers’ opinion…lol so. 🙂
Thanks so much!!
Post # 5
My FI thought my e-ring should be a diamond solitaire. I hadn’t planned on that – I said a different stone would be fine and spending less money would be great. But, it was important to FI so we did the diamond solitaire. I love it because it’s from him and it’s beautiful. The ring is only partly your choice – it’s something he should be proud to give you.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
This sounds like it’s a big deal for him. As the wedding is typically “bride territory”, I’d let him win this battle. You’ll have the same look, and maybe down the line you can talk him into a gemstone right hand ring, so you can have your personality out there too.
Post # 7
That’s silly. Diamonds aren’t that great. Have you point blank asked him why it has to be a diamond?
Post # 8
I agree that an e-ring should be only partly — if at all — your choice. I’ll also second the idea that brides get weddings, guys get proposals. If he wouldn’t feel proud to get you a diamond alternative, I kinda don’t think you should make him. It sounds like you’re not SUPER against diamonds, just that you think there are other good options out there. So, I would let him do what he will. You’ve given him your input, what he chooses to do with it is sort of out of your hands, and I’d keep it that way if I were you.
Oh, but tell him about Pricescope. 🙂 That site can help you do wonders with a budget to get the most for your $.
Post # 9
@littlemissmango: I feel the same way about how I shouldnt *have* to be involved in this. It is mostly just the fact that he has been asking me for months what I want – and no matter what I say:
NO NO NO NO NO. Everything is shot down. If he wanted to get me a solitaire, that’s fine with me, but he could have just done it without asking me what I wanted, and I would have been fine with that. I just feel like he doesn’t care what I want, even though he ASKED me…
And I’d tell him about pricescipe, but he already has it picked out because his MOM decided to go to the jewelry store yesterday, try on a ring and band, then bring a little catalog to my boyfriend and point it out to him, He is set on it. 1/2 carat solitaire. Which is ok because I have size 4.5 fingers but …whatever.
Post # 10
@Minutiae: Yes He basically said this: Because it’s just how it is. That’s what everyone gets. It’s what you have to get in an engagement ring (No, it isn’t, that’s just the result of brainwashing, thanks DeBeers!). I think he thinks everyone will judge him for it. Which he is right. But moissanite…? If it is enhanced nobody would know the difference unless we told them. Plus he knows his mom would FLIP out if she knew it wasn’t a diamond.
And she just went and picked one out that she liked for me and told him about it, so now he is dead-set on that one. 1/2 carat solitaire. I wouldn’t be happy if I had big fingers, but they are size 4.5 so I can’t really complain. But…I basically get no say-so except for the band, and it really upsets me because he has had me helping him look for months!!!
Post # 11
yeah, you need to talk to him about this. If you really wouldn’t be happy with a diamond, he needs to know that. Deliberately picking out something he knows you don’t want –diamond/cushion/halo–is pretty disrespectful. If you shop TOGETHER (leaving his mom out of it), you may find something you like together.
I wouldn’t be happy with a ring my MIL picked out. I’d be livid actually. He shouldn’t be listening to his mommy over you. It grinds me big time.
Theoretically, he COULD get you a moissanite and just say “it’s a lovely diamond i got a great deal on!” to keep her shushed, haha.
Many large chain jewelry stores would let you return something like a soliatire stone if you haven’t actually worn it. Many have 30 day policies “just in cases” the chick doesn’t like it
Post # 12
@ejs4y8: Thanks. I tried talking to him about it, and I don’t really think he is swaying. The way I think is – if he told me he wanted to get me something I liked, and to help him choose, then I should get to choose. Plus, I am wearing this thing forever, so I should atleast LIKE IT.
I don’t know what else to say to him though. I honestly think I’m just screwed, but it is really making me the OPPOSITE of excited about getting engaged – even though I’m been waiting since last OCTOBER basically!
Post # 13
I’m wondering how this situation went. It’s good that you value his mom’s opinion and you want him to be proud of the purchase as well, but this could set a pattern that you don’t want to get in to. My SO has been known to let his mom sway his opinions too. Even though we both adore his mom, it’s important that his choices are based on what he thinks, not on just satisfying his mom.