- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
So my husband and I have only been married for about 7 months now and I’m finding that I’m having to always initiate sex with him. He’s a police officer and works the night shift and has been on nights for about 4 months now. I thought for a little while that he had low testosterone, well I was kind of hoping that he did. However, he went to the doctor and had lab work done and his testosterone was right at the beginning for the normal range scale, so it’s not low T. Well we went to this party the other night with some of his co-workers and there’s one co-worker that he’s really close with that isn’t married, but has a live in girlfriend. Well his live in girlfriend and I hang out and she’s said things to me that makes me think she doesn’t trust him and thinks he might be cheating on her. She says she looks through his phone and will see that he deletes his messages. Well I think all this hanging out I’ve done with this girl has got me paranoid with my husband because there’s been times I’ve found myself wanting to check his phone and I’ve seen where he’s deleted messages here and there and there’s this 40 year old dispatcher who calls him all the time and when she and I met, she had no clue what my name was. He said I’m crazy for thinking there’s anything going on with this dispatcher because she’s not attractive and has kids and that I need to stop getting so jealous over her. The more I talk with this girl, the more I find out about her relationship and I then start comparing it to mine and I know that’s toxic. I was telling my husband that she was thinking about breaking up with his friend because of this girl she’s seen messages from on his phone and he said that I didn’t have the entire story because apparently the three of them got together and had a threesome one night. This was like the first time I’ve ever heard this news and it kind of upset me because I think what kind of things does my husband talk about with his co-workers and is he not being intimate with me because he’s feeling guilty for thinking or having done something with someone. I really have no evidence that he is or has cheated and I seriously doubt that this girl that I know who’s a girlfriend of his co-worker can tell me anything about what she’s heard about my husband story wise.
I just worry that all of this jealousy is seriously poisoning my marriage and ruining our intimacy but no matter how hard I try and not be jealous, the harder it is. I guess it’s just rough when you’re constantly initiating sex and I feel rejected sometimes because he’d rather sleep than be intimate. I’ve tried spicing things up and despite that, we still don’t have sex the way I feel that we should be. I thought about counseling but I worry that this is just going to give me another notch in his belt regarding more reasons he knows I’m a nagging wife.