Post # 1
This is a situation that happened between a couple I know, and was wondering how the hive would fix the situation!
5 people determined to be in the BP on each side…No flux.
Bride: No sisters, 2 brothers. Asked 5 friends as BM.
Groom. 3 brothers, no sisters. Was planning on asking his brothers and two friends. He is not particularly close to at least one brother (all older).
Groom mentions to Bride who he was choosing. This turned into, “Why aren’t you asking my brothers? DON’T YOU LOVE ME, DON’T YOU LOVE MY FAMILY?”
Oh, the humanity.
How the problem was solved: My FI was asked to be 1 out of 3 friend GM, so they worked something out, I’m not sure what exactly the arrangement is.
Do you think it’s a requirement to ask her siblings, if she doesn’t have to assume any of yours? Is it a requirement to ask your own siblings? Is it fair for her to have friends and him to have none?
Post # 2
I think it is a nice gesture to ask the siblings, unless there is some serious reason they don’t get along. Every wedding I’ve been to the bride’s brothers are groomsmen and sisters are bridesmaids, same with grooms side. Friends, even best friends, can fade out but family is in it forever.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I would just expand the bridal party- to me, it seems like the 5 thing is the most arbitrary out of all of the requirements
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s a requirement, but if she felt this strongly about her brothers being groomsmen, she should have brought it up, rather than having the fight about it. It was important to me for my brother to be a groomsman, and I told DH from the start. He accomodated it and it wasn’t an issue at all. If I didn’t say anything, and expected him to read my mind, it could have been a different story.
Post # 5
Bride chooses bridesmaids, groom choses groomsmen. Any other way create awkwardness and uncertainty.
The scenario where you make your FI’s sister a bridesmaid when you’ve met her three times and aren’t close is a recipe for disaster. You have your very closest friends who are extremely special to you…and then this girl who is there out of familial obligation. You have the most meaningful people in your life eager to try on dresses and go to bachelorettes…and then a girl who just isn’t. And vice versa if you push your brothers to be groomsmen. Who is going to throw your FI a bachelor party and have his back? Your brother who he isn’t close to? Or your FI’s closest friends?
The bridal party is supposed to be meaningful to you- not people invited out of obligation.
Post # 6
My solution isn’t up there! If she wants her brothers in the bridal party, she should ask them to be on her side! My brother was one of my 5 bridal attendents and my husband’s brothers were 2 of his four groomsmen.
Post # 7
MissOtter: I totally totally feel for this situation! MY FI and I are having 4 on each side. I have my 3 best girlfriends, and FSIL(and FI’s only sibling). I have 3 brothers, FI has 3 friends and BIL he wants to include so excluding my 3 bothers. There’s been lots of tears over this and the decision I’m leaving up to my FI.
Post # 8
I would say make the bride’s brothers ushers, or have the brothers be the bride’s “bridesmen”. I don’t think it’s really fair that she has all friends and he would just have family (unless that’s what HE wanted).
That being said, I am just having family on my side: my sister (MOH), my cousin, who is like a sister, and FSIL. FI is having his bro as BM, a friend, and my BIL (his FBIL). On top of that, FI got to choose the ushers, which are two of his friends and I got to choose the reader, which is one of mine.
Post # 9
If I wre the bride, I would insist that my brothers have some role in the wedding, but I would also want my FI to have friends stand up with him. I certainly would not insist that his entire side be made up of family.
Dh and I had it easy- I have one brother, he has one sister and 3 brothers. Originally we had 5 attendants each, I had his sister and 4 friends, he had my brother, his oldest brother and 3 friends. His youngest brothers were 12 and we made them ringbearers (they’re twins, it was really cute!).