What would you do in this situation?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Who gets to be the groomsmen?
    Ask both sets of brothers and have no friends standing next to you. : (4 votes)
    17 %
    Ask your own brothers only and 2 friends. : (9 votes)
    39 %
    Ask no brothers and ask who you want. : (10 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 2
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think it is a nice gesture to ask the siblings, unless there is some serious reason they don’t get along. Every wedding I’ve been to the bride’s brothers are groomsmen and sisters are bridesmaids, same with grooms side. Friends, even best friends, can fade out but family is in it forever. 

    Post # 3
    6194 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I would just expand the bridal party- to me, it seems like the 5 thing is the most arbitrary out of all of the requirements 

    Post # 4
    11588 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it’s a requirement, but if she felt this strongly about her brothers being groomsmen, she should have brought it up, rather than having the fight about it.  It was important to me for my brother to be a groomsman, and I told DH from the start.  He accomodated it and it wasn’t an issue at all.  If I didn’t say anything, and expected him to read my mind, it could have been a different story.

    Post # 5
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Bride chooses bridesmaids, groom choses groomsmen.  Any other way create awkwardness and uncertainty.  

    The scenario where you make your FI’s sister a bridesmaid when you’ve met her three times and aren’t close is a recipe for disaster.  You have your very closest friends who are extremely special to you…and then this girl who is there out of familial obligation.  You have the most meaningful people in your life eager to try on dresses and go to bachelorettes…and then a girl who just isn’t.  And vice versa if you push your brothers to be groomsmen.  Who is going to throw your FI a bachelor party and have his back? Your brother who he isn’t close to?  Or your FI’s closest friends?

    The bridal party is supposed to be meaningful to you- not people invited out of obligation.  

    Post # 6
    9525 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My solution isn’t up there! If she wants her brothers in the bridal party, she should ask them to be on her side! My brother was one of my 5 bridal attendents and my husband’s brothers were 2 of his four groomsmen.

    Post # 7
    992 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    MissOtter:  I totally totally feel for this situation! MY FI and I are having 4 on each side. I have my 3 best girlfriends, and FSIL(and FI’s only sibling). I have 3 brothers, FI has 3 friends and BIL he wants to include so excluding my 3 bothers. There’s been lots of tears over this and the decision I’m leaving up to my FI. 

    Post # 8
    2209 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would say make the bride’s brothers ushers, or have the brothers be the bride’s “bridesmen”.  I don’t think it’s really fair that she has all friends and he would just have family (unless that’s what HE wanted).

    That being said, I am just having family on my side:  my sister (MOH), my cousin, who is like a sister, and FSIL.  FI is having his bro as BM, a friend, and my BIL (his FBIL).  On top of that, FI got to choose the ushers, which are two of his friends and I got to choose the reader, which is one of mine.

    Post # 9
    1112 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If I wre the bride, I would insist that my brothers have some role in the wedding, but I would also want my FI to have friends stand up with him. I certainly would not insist that his entire side be made up of family.

    Dh and I had it easy- I have one brother, he has one sister and 3 brothers. Originally we had 5 attendants each, I had his sister  and 4 friends, he had my brother, his oldest brother and 3 friends. His youngest brothers were 12 and we made them ringbearers (they’re twins, it was really cute!).

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