- 3 years ago
Backstory: FI is from a weird family. They never talk to each other, and his mom is purely what keeps everyone connected. They see each other once a year, at Christmas — which is done somewhere around the world because they “fight too much at home.” They fight all the time in the hotel of their choice too, but apparently — I’m told — it’s less ‘blow uppy.’
FI has two sisters and a brother. One sister (Sister 1) I’m on good terms with (read: we can hold a converation together) and she will be on my side of the bridal party. His other sister (Sister 2) has a slew of mental/health problems and FI and her used to be what he considered fairly close. They aren’t anymore, she’s super negative, super combative, and she lives across the country. His brother has undiagnosed mental/anger problems. We’re talking physical abuse, possibly bipolar. He and FI never, ever, ever talk, are not close, and he lives halfway across the world from us.
August 2013: FI and I get engaged. We’re super excited. FI had a hard time making friends in college because he went to a college that he wasn’t necessarily supposed to. So he had very little in common with the people there. He had no ‘best dude/girl’ friend So he told his parents and I that he was considering making Sister 2 his Best Woman (or whatever you want to call it). Clearly he also signed a blood pact about this, but we aren’t making final decisions until May 2014 because who knows who we’ll be friends with by then.
September 2013: FI starts grad school 500 miles away from his parents. It’s a school basically MADE for him. He’s happy, has real friends, and is acing all of his classes in a highly competitive program. He meets lots of people that are definitely making him rethink the structure of his grooms-people, but one guy in particular since he and FI are basically BFFs for life. There’s a running joke that FI and BFF are going to leave their fiancees for each other.
December 2013: Christmas with FI. I only stay a few days because I’m very close to my family and go home to spend Christmas with them. Before I leave, Sister 1 gets sloshed and asks if she’s going to be a bridesmaid. I tell her of course, all siblings will be included. I leave for home thinking the trip was super successful.
Not so much. Now Sister 1 has heard that she’s going to be in the bridal party, but Sister 2 has not been explicitly told that she is going to be in the bridal party. FI’s parents and Sisters confront him about how they’re “Paying lots of money for this day, so they need to make sure that all the siblings are included.”
1) They’re not paying anything for the day. I mean, I can’t stop them on the rehersal dinner but the wedding is being paid for by my parents and FI/myself. My personal feelings are you can’t treat someone like crap for their entire life and then just expect blood and money to get you the honor of standing beside someone on their wedding day…but whatever. 2) FI told them over and over again that all siblings will be included in the bridal party but we’re not sure of the rest of the bridal party and so we aren’t telling anyone anything until May 2014. Bees, they grilled him like this for an hour. All the while his mom was making less than subtle head gestures at Sister 2 to get him to tell her about the Best Groomswoman thing and end the discussion.
They then went after me, convinced I was trying to control the bridal party because they’re inviting more people to the wedding than I am. (???)
January: FI tells me that he wants BFF to be his best man but he has no idea how to tell his parents. He feels like it isn’t worth the pain they’re going to give him over it, and that this is just one of those things that you have to give up.
Short Version: FI told his parents he was considering making his combative, verbally abusive, and negative sister his Best Groomswoman because they used to be reall close. FI goes to grad school, makes actual friends. That month he met his BFF/brother from another mother and now wants him to be his Best Man. He’s too scared of his parents reaction (rightfully so — they’ll certainly be less than happy) and thinks this is something he should just give up on. I think that BFF should absolutely be best man because they’re closer and he’s a positive, all around great guy that’ll make sure that drama on the grooms side (with sister and brother) stays minimal.