- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 1993
What would you do?
Short version: family members that I am not closer to or speak to, and are not invited to the wedding, submitted my engagement announcement to a paper and didn’t tell FI or I.
So I should preface by saying that my dad’s side of the family is bat sh** crazy, my grandparents are hateful, manipulative people that we do not speak to except for the fact that my grandpa still comes out to our farm to fiddle around occasionally. My dad has serious issues about cutting his parents completely out. My mom, siblings and I do not speak to them or my dad’s two sisters. They have sided with their parents over the many issues that have come up and deny the fact that my grandparents have ever done anything wrong. We have a good relationship with our uncle (dad’s only brother).
Just as an example, my grandfather screamed at me on my 16th birthday that I would never be anything in life or amount to anything – both he and my grandma deny this ever happening. He also told my two brothers he would knock their f*cking heads off if they ever touched his truck (after my brother threatened to take out the dog treats he was giving our dog after bladder surgery for stones and was on a strict diet – my grandfather was giving her the treats anyway). Again, this was denied as occurring. This has been going on, along with many, many other issues for the past 10 years.
No one on that side is invited to the wedding other than the Uncle and a cousin I am close to (one of the Aunt’s daughters. The others know about the wedding from word of mouth obviously, and also have probably figured out by now that they are not invited.
FI and I currently live in WI, with the wedding in IL. We submitted engagement announcements to local papers in IL a couple weeks ago. Today at work, a colleague stopped by to congratulate me on the engagement after seeing the announcement in the paper today. This is for the local WI paper where FI and I currently live. I was confused and called the paper as neither FI nor I submitted it. I left a message for the lady who handles announcements (she is out today) but I did get clarification that an announcement has to be submitted by someone – it wasn’t just picked up through the magic of the Internet ( I thought maybe because our announcement mentions our current location maybe it was picked up).
My grandparents live fairly close to my parents and would have seen all the announcements that we submitted locally. One of my Aunts lives in the same town as FI and I, and wouldn’t have seen the announcements – but likely heard about it from said grandparents.
I am fairly certain that this Aunt submitted it after getting the information from my grandma. We don’t know anyone else in this area that could have possibly done this – and not tell FI or I. Who does that? Who seriously submits an engagement announcement for a wedding they are not invited to, to a paper that we didn’t plan on putting it in? It’s not that it being in the paper is a big deal – it’s that they did this without our permission or even telling us they did it, we haven’t spoken to each other in years, and they’ve never met FI. My mom and I are worried that they are going to show up to the wedding and cause issues. This is something I’ve been worried about since I was 14 and thought about how not to have them at my future wedding – and now 4 weeks out, they are starting to pull crap.
What would any of you do? Contact them and ask why they thought this was ok? Not say anything and hope they don’t do anything?
I would prefer not to say anything but many times in their case that is the equivalent of giving them permission to keep doing things like that. This is seriously one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever dealt with.