(Closed) What would you do or ask done for appearance changes of wedding party?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you
    As the bride: Ask a bridesmaid to cut or dye her hair : (3 votes)
    2 %
    As the bride: Ask a groomsman to cut hair or shave : (39 votes)
    26 %
    As the bride: Ask a wedding party member to cover tattoos : (23 votes)
    15 %
    As the bride: Ask a wedding party member to remove piercings : (29 votes)
    19 %
    As the bride: request something not listed (please specify) : (6 votes)
    4 %
    As a wedding party member: cut or dye hair per the bride's request (not offended) : (3 votes)
    2 %
    As a wedding party member: cut or dye hair per the bride's request (offended) : (10 votes)
    7 %
    As a wedding party member: cover tattoos per the bride's request (not offended) : (31 votes)
    21 %
    As a wedding party member: cover tattoos per the bride's request (offended) : (7 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Nope, wouldn’t change a thing. As long as they are wearing the clothing we asked them to wear and are happy and supportive of us, we’re good!

    Post # 4
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I have not been asked but, I wouldn’t.  If someone does not want me to be in their wedding party the way I am, we’re obviously not close enough for me to be in their wedding party.  Having people in your wedding party is about them standing up to show support for you, not gathering a glamerous group for photo ops.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    None of the above. Those things listed in the poll are part of who they are and asking or demanding they change (or temporarily hide/remove) something is essentially not accepting them. As a friend, you accept all of someone or end the friendship if you can’t. You may not agree with their personal choices, and that is fine *because no one is saying that you must agree with them*, but you accept them anyway, be it hair length, body modifications or anything else. If you feel you need to ask someone to change their appearance for any reason, then don’t ask them to be an attendant and don’t be surprised if they no longer value any relationship with you.

    If I was asked to do that as an attendant, I would automatically step down from the position since they couldn’t accept me for who I was, which goes directly against why someone is chosen to be an attendant.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    asking someone to cut/dye their hair is completely different from asking someone to remove a piercing. removing a ring for 6 hours is not the same as cutting your hair or changing its color, this has  long lasting effect on you. 

    having said that, i’ve never been in situation like this b4, i know a previous thread mentioned an abundance of tattoos and i dont think there is anything wrong with asking somone to wear a long dress that covers their tattoos. just because i accept someone as my friend doesnt mean i want all their tattoos and all their piercings to be a major part of my wedding pictures.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would not make changes to my appearance for anyone, other than wearing the agreed-upon outfit and styling my hair as agreed. Likewise, as a bride, I did not ask any members of the wedding party to change themselves in ANY way. I am not easily offended, but something about the idea of being asked to change my appearance really bugs me.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    A photographer can photoshop anything you want so if you don’t want tattoos, etc in your professional pictures, ask the photographer to remove them that way. The makeups on the market to “hide” them do not work and get on clothing and other people instead of doing what they are marketed to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I have a hard time with this. In many respects, I agree with what people are saying — you love your friends/family for who they are. But on the other hand, I refuse to believe that just because you love a person you will always agree with all or his or her decisions. I have friends with piercings or tattoos, but it is not my style. If I were getting married in a church, I might ask for them to be removed/covered, and I don’t see that as any more out of line than wearing a bolero or staying covered to be respectful. I think it gets offensive when it is something purely aesthetic like cutting/coloring hair or losing weight. But I wouldn’t let my bridesmaids wear dresses with their cleavage popping out, even if that is her “personal style” so I don’t think that should used as a blanket excuse. I think it is a case by case situation. Also, let’s not forget the family politics that go into picking a wedding party — a lot of brides post about feeling forced to include family or friends who invited themselves. Maybe the bride ISN’T that close to the person and DOESN’T approve of those things but feels stuck. In that case, I wouldn’t judge her for not wanting to see that in her wedding pictures forever.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Nope…I wouldnt request most of these things…I guess since my groomsmen are my brothers and our really close friends if a groomsmen needed a little trim i might say something! but other than that…not at all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee

    Aside from wearing the most gawd awful BM dress for my BFF’s wedding, I’ve never been asked to do anything for anyone else’s wedding.

    I don’t have any visible tattoos, but if I did, and someone asked me to cover them for their wedding, I’d be horribly offended.

    I don’t think I’d ask anything of any of my BMs or family members with one exception:  my sister is very “natural” and usually doesn’t shave.  I may ask her to at least shave her pits if she’s wearing a sleeveless dress.  She shaved of her own volition for our other sister’s wedding, though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Selene221:do you know how much it would cost to have a photographer photoshop multiple tattoos out of 50 pictures? 100 picture? 150 pictures? also can the tattoos be photoshopped out of the video? how about out of the pictures taken by guests? Personally if i am the bride I wont mind one to two tattoos on a bm but if its an entire graffitti wall all over her body  i will ask her to cover some of it and if that will bother her and that makes me a bad bride then i honestly dont care. the bride should be allowed to have a say in the over all look of the bridal party and not let one person’s “style” clash with everyone else.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I checked off asking groomsmen to cut hair and shave.  I’m not trying to change who they are, but I want them to look neat.  If they have a beard, I would like them to neatly trim it. Not make it super short or completely shave it off, just make it look neat.  I hope that the boys would do this anyways, but sometimes male behavior surprises me.

    As a bridesmaid I was asked to change my appearance by wearing make-up.  I never wear makeup, but I didn’t take offense to the request.  The bride helped with my makeup and it was fun.  Her request was A-OK with me.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I’ve never been in anyone’s wedding party.  However, as the bride, I had a completely laissez faire attitude.  In each of my weddings, there was only one male attendant and one female attendant.  We just told them to wear something that looked nice, since no one needed to match anyone else.  So I wasn’t even dictating dress or shoes, much less any other physical characteristics.

    Well, ok, when my son told me he had one suit and two ties–a red one and a blue one–I did ask him to wear the blue one so as not to clash with my daughter’s burgundy dress.  But that was it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    I wanted my bridesmaids and groomsmen to look like themselves, the way I’ve known them to look for years and the way they’ll likely look for the rest of their lives, so I was opposed to any drastic-and-temporary appearance changes (like bleached hair on a girl with nearly-black hair who has never bleached her hair before) that would make them look unlike themselves in the photos. I didn’t want to look back at my photos and think”Who was that?” or “Did she go through some weird phase?” but rather fondly remember them from this time of my life.

    Your poll is mainly about a bride asking attendants to change their appearance; I wouldn’t do any of those, but I was concerned about the opposite – them engaging in major changes. I had one bridesmaid who went on a mission to lose weight for my wedding, and I actually really wished that she wouldn’t, but it seemed to make her happy.

    I wasn’t sure whether to check the box about asking groomsmen to shave – I asked them to shave their regular stubble (actually, I made an appointment for all the guys to get a luxury shave the day of the wedding together), but I’m guessing this box in the poll refers to asking a guy to shave off an actual beard or mustache? I would never ask for that.

    If I were a wedding party member and a bride asked me to cut or dye my hair, I would think that incredibly strange (I have a fairly normal hair color) and I’d refuse. I wouldn’t remove my facial piercing because the hole would close. If it were a year or so down the line when the hole could stay open for a day with no piercing in it, I’d remove it but be slightly offended (I think it’s tiny enough to be classy and barely noticeable).

    Post # 16
    Member
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I selected that I would ask them to shave or cover tattoos.  I only had one bridesmaid who had a tattoo, but it wasn’t overly huge or obvious.  I probably wouldn’t ask for them to be covered, but might select a dress with more coverage or a wrap, if it was something offensive, or not wedding like…  I have a client who has a picture of a women being stabbed with something about death and swear word written on it.  I might not be friends with someone who had the type of attitude that makes them want to get that kind of tattoo, but if I did… I dunno.

    I also did ask the guys to be clean shaven, but all of them typically do this on a work day or for special occassions.  If someone had a beard/moustache I woudn’t expect them to shave it off.

    The topic ‘What would you do or ask done for appearance changes of wedding party?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors