- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I am in need of some advice as I’m not sure what to do (or if I should do anything at all!)…
Background: This whole mess started about a month before Christmas this past year. My Fiance and I had been dating for over 5 years and just moved in together (this is a week before he proposed). My Future Mother-In-Law and her sister (FI’s Aunt) invited me to go gift shopping with them and have dinner. At the dinner, Future Mother-In-Law mentions that she has booked hotel rooms for herself & Future Father-In-Law, myself & Fiance and Future Sister-In-Law & her bf for Aunt’s son’s wedding (which was held last month).
I was taken aback as I had no idea she had done this and Aunt got very awkward. Aunt proceeds to say that cousins’ SOs aren’t being invited. Ok, no problem, I understand. Future Mother-In-Law ignores her. This is after we had been invited to their engagement party, given a gift and never received a thank you note (but that is besides the point).
Fast-forward 3 months. Fiance and I are engaged and living together. Future Sister-In-Law is back at college and she and her bf aren’t officially together, but basically are. Future Mother-In-Law receives the wedding invitation to Aunt’s son’s wedding and it addressed “The Smith Family” with no inner envelope or designation of how many seats are reserved. Fiance and I do not receive an invite. So I told Future Mother-In-Law that I didn’t consider myself invited because 1. We didn’t receive an invite and 2. Aunt said cousins weren’t getting plus 1s. Now, I know we are engaged and living together and etiquette would state that we would be invited as a couple but Aunt’s son and his now wife don’t really follow etiquette. I also tell Future Mother-In-Law that this means FSIL’s bf is probably not invited either and we should really clarify it.
Future Mother-In-Law throws a huge fit and in the end, myself and the bf are told that we are invited. I don’t know what Future Mother-In-Law said but I feel so awkward.
Background on FSIL’s bf: Fiance hates him, he has gone on every family vacation since Future Sister-In-Law was about 15 (she is now 20), there is a lot of family drama surrounding this and his constant attendance to all things family related. But Future Mother-In-Law has told Fiance many times that she considers Future Sister-In-Law and bf’s relationship EQUAL to that of Fiance and I. So, if I’m invited somewhere, the bf has to be invited.
So we go to the wedding. Fiance and I are in our mid-20s and we are seated at what they call the “cousins table” but it is Future Sister-In-Law and her bf (19 and 20) and several 14-15-16 year olds. Ok, not a big deal. Aunt comes up to us at the reception and apologizes. Fiance and I say it’s not an issue at all, we’re just happy for the newlyweds and don’t even think about it again. Aunt walks away happy. Future Mother-In-Law is pissed. (And my escort card said “FI’s Guest”).
Fiance and I gave the couple a nice gift and thought everything was fine. This past weekend, we find out the couple sent a thank you note to Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law and addressed it “FMIL, Future Father-In-Law, Fiance and FSIL” and said thank you for the “gifts”. FIL’s gave 1 gift so we assume they meant the gift we gave (which we gave with a card signed “FI and PinkPinstripes”.
I don’t know if this is a jab at me or at the bf or what. Fiance wants to put them at our “cousins table” at our wedding or not send them an invite at all and say it got lost in the mail. Obviously, we wouldn’t do that but it just hurts. Fiance feels that he is always treated like a teenager and that his family doesn’t respect that he is an adult.
How would you react and what would you do?