Post # 1
One of my husband’s relatives sent us an electronic save-the-date for June 2016 with a personal note on the bottom saying that she’s giving us plenty of notice because she absolutely positively wants us there, no excuses. Actually, if I’m not mistaken, it doesn’t actually even have a date, it just has month, year and location. I appreciate that she’s just trying to give a heads up. But dude, I cannot in any type of good conscience predict whether I will be able to attend a particular event 20 months from now. By then, I will have moved countries, changed jobs. Theoretically, I have time to have 2 babies before then. Do we just smile and nod and give the usual “can’t wait! See you then!” or do we actually explain that we can’t even begin to commit to that right now? How would you handle it if you received an STD like this?
P.S. I knew a couple who was planning a 2 year engagement and a wedding on a cruise. They had a wedding website, had started accepting payment installments and everything and then broke up. Everyone was screwed. Not that I’m wishing anything bad for this couple, but 2 years is a REALLY long time.
Post # 2
I may be wrong, but I don’t think you are actually supposed to reply to save the dates. I’d just wait for the formal invitation. I’m old school and use an actual calendar versus my phone. If my calendar doesn’t go that far, I wouldn’t be saving any dates. If the person actually asks you, I’d say, “we’d love attend, but we can’t confirm until closer to.”
Post # 3
Wow two years!! I agree do not commit to anything, even if pressured.
Post # 4
Overjoyed: It’s meant to be an invitation, but they are treating it like a summons. If something comes up which means you can’t go, then don’t go and don’t feel guilty. I agree with the first two answers – don’t commit, because you can’t.
I’ll add (in view of that other couple with the cruise): no one can demand you spend a lot of money on their wedding. no matter how much notice they give.
Post # 5
It’s just a notice and does not need a response. So if in the end you don’t even live in this country then fine, dont go. Not that big of a deal.
Post # 6
STDs in general don’t require a response. However, I don’t think she’s using this as a normal STD. In a way, I think she’s kinda doing some preliminary “market research” to try to get a feel for how many people might come so that she can then go and select a venue, etc. In casual convo with my husband and others, she says things like “you guys got my STD right? You’re coming right?!” Thus far, we’ve been avoiding an answer, but it’s clear that she actually wants to know whether we’re planning to attend. DH thinks it’s fine to tell her that we plan to come and that if our plans change, they just change and oh well. Whereas, I think it’s appropriate to be honest about the fact that while we’d love to be there, we won’t know our availablility until much closer to the event.
On another note, neither she nor we currently live in the country where she’s planning to get married.
Post # 7
It’s probably just a lot of early excitement. Considering how many people RSVP late, or not at all, a few weeks before a wedding, she can’t expect much, or will have accurate answers.
Post # 8
I think you’re making too big of a deal out of this. Plan to go, but if you’re plans change, they change.
Post # 9
Overjoyed: I would just tell her the truth. That you’ll try. Tell her you’re excited for her, but unfortunately you can’t give her a definite answer, because you’re expecting so many changes from now until then. You’ll have a better idea closer to the date.
I’m all for honesty. While I think a 2 year out STD is silly, there’s no reason to tell her that.
Post # 10
2 years!? I bet she is trying to figure out how many people can come so she can create a budget – which, of course, is not how you do it.
I’d tell her that you are tentatively coming, but can’t make any promises because you have no idea where you’ll be in 2 years.
Post # 11
RunsWithBears: “I bet she is trying to figure out how many people can come so she can create a budget – which, of course, is not how you do it.”
Exactly. I don’t think she has made a single plan for her own wedding yet, but wants us to say whether or not we can come so she can BEGIN setting a budget, choose a venue, etc. <br /><br /><br />
Post # 12
Overjoyed: I would just tell her that you’ll do your best to be there. We did STDs 9 months out and had people tell us they’d be at the wedding but when RSVPs came around things came up and they couldn’t. Shit happens.
Post # 13
I would simply thank them for wanting to include you, and not affirm or deny you’ll be present – because, as you point out, there is really no way to predict what may happen in the meantime.
Given the number of threads posted by brides who are actually ANGRY that people didn’t have good excuses for missing their weddings, it appears that some brides now think that they do have the right to order people to attend. Who knew? 🙂
Post # 14
Just tell her that you can’t possibly predict where you’ll be in two years, but if you are sure you could make it if circumstances remain stagnant, say just that!
Post # 15
Maybe she’s just trying to gauge how many would be interested, assuming its a destination wedding. If you truly want to be there, I’d just say yes, of course I’ll try to be there (pending other uncontrollable life chaging event in that time frame) which I don’t think you have to say. She can’t seriously expect people to really commit right now, right?