Post # 1
Today we received an invitation to a friend’s wedding who was not invited to ours. Our wedding is two weeks before theirs and our invitations went out about a month ago. Problem is, on all the printed RSVPs, the “due date” is tomorrow (6/5). I have two options, I could either email her and fess up, and send out the invitation with an expired RSVP date. Or I can pick up another box of invitations, print a new RSVP (which would have to be like two weeks from the day they get it, so it will look a little late) and pretend like nothing ever happened. This was a couple that was “on the bubble” we should have just invited them in the first place!
To add even more awkwardness to the situation, their invitation didn’t come with a return envelope.
I’m guessing they just forgot it. I’m about to vomit from the anxiety! What would you do?
Post # 3
Do you have the budget to include them? They probably have a clue since they didn’t receive an invite to your wedding.
Post # 4
Yes, we can invite them–it’s within the budget, just haven’t talked to them in a little while. Ahhhh so awkward!!
Post # 5
If it’s in your budget to include them and you GENUINELY want to include them, I have a different option for you (a sneakier option).
Wait until your RSVP due date for you wedding. Them call them and just casually say “oh we haven’t received your RSVP to our wedding” when they say that they never got an invitation it will look like it just got lost in the mail. problem solved.
Post # 6
I think I would email them and be honest about it. All the lying and creating new invites just seems skeevy to me.
Post # 7
I didn’t vote because I think you shouldn’t change your guest list based on who invited you to their wedding. Each couple’s wedding is different, you have budget, size of venue, and cohesiveness of the guests to consider. RSVP no if you feel uncomfortable attending their wedding and just send a gift, but don’t invite them out of guilt.
Post # 8
oh yay you added my suggestion to the poll 🙂 hope everything works out for you 🙂
Post # 9
I agree with VeronicaH. There’s no law that says you have to invite someone to your wedding simply because you are/were invited to theirs.
Post # 10
I like the sneaky option, it will leave less hurt feelings and if this girl is also a bride she already has enough to stress about!
Post # 11
Yeah, I too am on the ‘you don’t need to invite them’ boat – but don’t feel like the overwhelming number of comments saying that mean that’s the only opinion; there’s just no poll option for us 🙂
If you realized you WANT to invite her, and it’s not just that you feel guilty, then I would suggest calling her and explaining that you feel bad for missing them on your initial guestlist, and ask whether you can send her an invite. Just cross the rsvp date off and write “ASAP” in pen with a smiley face.
Post # 12
good suggestion/idea meowkers!
Post # 13
Do not invite them to yours unless you had already intended to. Last minute invites that couples send out of obligation and courtesy, even though they don’t care about the folks in question at all, are one of the main reasons that weddings get expensive. If you want to attend theirs then do that but do not invite people out of courtesy whom you have no relationship with. The whole reciprocal thing (“they invited us to their wedding so we have to invite them to ours even though we don’t really want to”) is a tactic that is a very successful guilt trip that folks should not cave into, especially if they don’t have the space or budget, or simply don’t want to invite people who don’t care about them.
Either attend or don’t, but leave the invite to your wedding out of the equation entirely and don’t even bring up the subject.
Post # 14
Hmm… I guess this depends on your relationship with these people. Do you wish you had invited them? …or did you have a good reason for not inviting them in the first place? We invited a couple to our wedding and knew they were also getting invited this summer. At this point, we are clearly *not* invited to their wedding, even though we invited them to ours. I’m not really worried about that though. I think they’re having a smaller wedding and had budget restrictions. Plus, the bride had most of the input on their guest list, and I’m friends with the groom. So in short, I invited them to my wedding, and I’m not too upset that I wasn’t invited to theirs. Life goes on. I’m not going to fire them as friends or anything. Hopefully your friends will feel the same way…
Post # 15
I don’t see the point of emailing to “fess up” – I believe that there are situations in life in which white lies are appropriate, and this is one of them (as long as you genuinely want to invite this couple and aren’t just doing so out of guilt).
ETA: Calling or emailing to “fess up” is like saying “Hey, I just wanted to alert you to the fact that I was going to do something that would have hurt your feelings, and I wanted to make sure you know about it. Sorry – you’re invited to the wedding after all!” What purpose would that serve?