- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: October 2017
Ok guys, this is a long narration of what happened, and a question. Here we go:
Two weeks ago, my husband’s brother and his wife came to visit. They are very political, and very on the left, and have gotten into arguments with other family members — including my husbands mom — over differences of opinion. I honestly don’t have any strong political opinions, and when I do, I’ve trained myself to just be as polite and diplomatic as possible ( it helps that I have a corporate job, I have plenty of time to train myself to be as PC as possible.)
Anyway, I welcome them with no problem, and I start discussing with my husband of how to entertain them during their stay. I prepare an expensive bottle of red wine that I bought in one of our trips to wine country (they like wine, so I thought it would be nice). I buy new set of sheets and a comforter for them, and a new set of towels. I clean the guest room and get it all ready for them.
They arrive. We pick them up from the airport and go to our first activity, it included a long drive — my husband has back pain, so he drives for more than an hour to get us there. Then walking around, etc. We all know having family in town is exhausting, but ok, we do it anyway. And this is the weekend, so instead of relaxing, we are out and about showing them the city, etc. All the typical stuff of when family is in town.
We go back home, and to relax we open the bottle of wine. We are having wine, and the conversation of Thanksgiving and Christmas comes up. Apparently, they cancelled Thankgiving because of arguments — some family members are Republican, other Democrat and there was animosity, so no Thanksgiving. I think something similar happened during Chritmas, but we couldn’t get into anything in specific because then they started talking about the argument they had with the mom (my husband’s mom).
Apparently the brother’s wife, we’ll call her SIL, posted something on facebook that was political motivated, and her mother in law (my husband’s mom) replied. The SIL took offense to that reply, and long story short: my husband’s brother ask his mom to apologize to his wife.
They are telling the story, and I’m all confused because she’s referring to the “women’s march”. I’m not so political, and I work a lot so I miss a lot of what’s going on, so I ask “What women’s march?”. The SIL looks at me like I’m the devil, and proceeds to explain that it was the march with the pink hats. I said I had heard of it but it wasn’t sure what was about. She gets upset, and I say I don’t know much about what’s going on. She basically hinted that I don’t know what is happening, and that the march was for our rights.
I get it. I’m a woman, who suffers discrimination and sexism and etc. I work a corporate job, in an industry of mostly males. So I said, that I get it, and that I hope that me setting a good example in the workplace for professional women, helping younger women to succeed, and making sure we continue to grow in the workplace — I hope all of that somehow helps younger women behind me ( it hasn’t been easy for me, and my hope is young women that I mentor have an easier time getting to positions of leadership).
Her response: bullsh*t, you do it for yourself.
I didn’t know what to say back, so I didn’t say anything. But neither my husband or her brother say anything. She proceeded to turn around and ask her husband: “What do you think about the bullshit of these two?” And by these two, she was referring to me, because I was the only one doing the talking.
Anyway. She continued with the political talk all night, being insulting, and angry, etc. The brother sitting there not saying a word. Then she said something like: “my husband has my back no matter what, yours should have your back too”.
Well, while she continued her tirade, my husband went to lay down on a sofa somewhere, and left me there on my own, dealing with his brother and the SIL. I was distant with them from that moment on. I was hurt that my husband wasn’t able to say anything to defend me, or step in and say enough. I was offended that the brother wasn’t really apologetic.
They were at my house for three more days, and they were as chill as if nothing had happened. I had to work, so I only saw them in the evening. The last day they were there I was in my bedroom resting. I never heard an apology.
When they were gone, I told my husband that I was hurt he didn’t really support me or defended me, he yelled at me that I was asking him to choose sides, and he was his brother! I didn’t offend anybody, I didn’t mistreat anybody, yet I was the one getting yell at.
My question is: What would you do? What would you say? I think is unfair to me to receive this kind of treatment.