Dealing with terrible sister in law

posted 4 months ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee

I mean, if your husband is just going to walk away and leave you stuck with HIS brother and asshole SIL…..follow him! Then when he says “what are you doing, you can’t just leave them out there,” you look at him like “Dafuq are you doing yourself?” And then he’ll get the message.

Post # 17
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

SaraJeanQ :  It’s not about her needing a man to stand up for her – it’s about his partner dealing with HIS brother and his wife insulting her in their own home.

Post # 18
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

While I completely agree your SIL was rude to you, I can sort of understand why she might have reacted that way. I think she got angry at you because she thought you were being fake by saying you support woman’s empowerment in the workplace, yet, seem ignorant to a movement made to demand woman’s empowerement in the workplace. This is no way condems or makes her behavior acceptable, but it might help you throw some light into the way she acted. Also, it might help you build some arguments against her arguments for next time this situation presents.

That aside, I don’t think there is much you can do now. You missed you window at that time, and whatever you tell her now might only stir more drama. However, I believe your husband can and should say something to his brother. Perhaps he could casually say something along the lines of: “Hey, last time you and SIL were here I overheard you saying some insulting things to my wife. At that time my back hurted to much to go over there and confront you, but I would appreciate if you avoid doing so next time, and also offer her an apology”. He doesn’t need to be demaning or confronting him, but at least let him know he would not accept you being mistreated in your own house -and him, by default.

I think him dealing with the situation is the best scenario, given that they belong to his side of the family so it would be more acceptable that he expresses such feelings.

Post # 19
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

msworriedbee :  Gosh we might share a Sister in Law! Same relation- my fiance’s brother’s wife. She is just rude to everyone and I have cut her out. Blocked all forms of contact (phone, email, all social media) and will have nothing to do with her. Fiance is welcome to spend as much time as he likes with his brother, and her, but I will not. I don’t play these games. She is invited to the wedding, as the Best Man’s wife, but I am hiring security to ensure she behaves. Wish I was kidding. 

Post # 20
Member
7907 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

msworriedbee :  They would never stay overnight at my house again, that’s for sure. 

And yes, your husband should have come to your defence when she accused you of “bullshit”.

Post # 21
Member
7907 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SaraJeanQ :  Not because she’s a woman. Because it’s his family, not hers.

Post # 22
Member
5793 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

your SIL is a four letter word, no two ways about it.

your husband is terrible for actually yelling at you when you asked him to support you–besides, it sounds like SIL wanted him to support you too.  

more than anything though, her.. “what do you think about the bullshit of these two” line would’ve definitely resulted in a “you knwo what’s really bullshit?  You are so self-absorbed you’ve taken our hospitality completely for granted all weekend and now you’re actively insulting us literally while we share our wine with you.  I think it’d be best if you left and found somewhere else to stay.” 😐

Post # 24
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Damn how come this doesn’t happen to me ahhh I have the perfect solution to a RUDE bitch 

Post # 25
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

They’re gone, let it go. But I would never invite that moron into my house ever again.

Post # 26
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Since it’s over and they’re gone I would move on.  However, I would not have them in your home again, actually I would probably remove them from social media too.  You and your husband need to get on the same page.  The two of you are a team, and by marrying you he did chose a side: yours.  While he sat there and said nothing, that was bad enough, but the fact that he yelled at you about not wanting to choose a side is troubling.  

Post # 27
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that the moment to address the issue with SIL and BIL has passed. I wouldn’t invite them into my home again.

Your DH owes you an apology for yelling at you and accusing you of asking him to take sides–he could have simply said it was time to change the subject if he was uncomfortable listening to his wife being insulted, but then again you could have done the same. Or, you could have left the room before your DH escaped and let him deal with them. You and your DH absolutely do need to get on the same page. 

Post # 28
Member
4218 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s too late to do anything about the particular situation, but if they want to visit again, I wouldn’t let them stay with you – tell your DH that you don’t welcome house guests who insult and attack you. 

Also, I know it’s his brother, but wife trumps brother – and definitely trumps SIL. 

If you are around them at family events, you (and your DH) should tell them (if it comes up) that you prefer not to discuss politics with family. If they persist, restate that you don’t want to talk about it and walk away.

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