Post # 1
I was asked to go in on a group gift, but couldn’t afford to contribute anything.
After telling the person coordinating the effort that we couldn’t participate, they said they would sign our names to the card anyway.
Neither Darling Husband or I were comfortable with that and so we asked them not to do so (and thanked her for wanting to include us).
This really ruffled the feathers of the gifter and I got an angry-ish email saying she was just trying to make the recipiant feel loved by including us all collectively, but she would respect our wishes.
My question is: what would you have done in that situation? Taken credit for a gift you didn’t have anything to do with? Or ask that your names not be part of the card. (For what it’s worth, I sent a card (without a gift) to commemorate the occasion (a milestone anniversary)).
ETA: If it matters, there were a total of two people going in on the gift. I would have been the third.
Post # 3
I would do exactly the same thing. I would not feel comfortable taking credit for a gift to which I did not contribute.
Post # 4
If the giver had offered to include our names on the card, I would just say thank you and be done with it. By giving them a “separate” card, you are making yourself stand out – if I was receiving the gift, I would wonder why the the group gift did not include you – and this is not about you, it is about the person receiving the gift.
If the giver did not include our names, I would not have asked to be put on the card (since we did not contribute) but I would have given the person a separate card.
Post # 5
I would have done the same thing you did. I refuse to take credit for a gift I did not contribute to.
Post # 6
This is happening with my mom right now – my sisters and I want to buy her a seat in a theatre (as a donation to the theatre) but only two of us can really afford it. However, it would be silly to have the gift come from only two of us, it really means more if we all give it together. That’s why one sister will be contributing $10, which is the most she’s able to afford right now. The amounts supplied by each person don’t really matter as much as the thought itself. If my sister really couldn’t afford even $1 then I’d still want the gift to come from all of us – if anything, I’d want it MORE!
But if you just really don’t have any interest in going in on the gift then that’s a whole other issue. I would never get MAD at my sister if she refused to go in on the gift, that’s a bit uncalled for.
Post # 7
That is really tough. If the gifter really thought it was important to the receiver to see our names… maybe. At that point it is kind of up to the gifter. I don’t know. I think it depends how close you are. I mean, we do that with family sometimes… I am not sure about it with anyone else. I guess the gifter just wanted the receiver to feel like you were behind it/ supporting her- more than the money to contribute. Maybe that was not the point for her. I can see both sides… At the same time, you did the right thing not taking credit- but maybe it was more about emotionally support of the appearance of it (?)
Post # 8
oh I didn’t read your whole post before I answered and I said no. But since they offered to sign your names anyway I would be very greatful and send that person a thank you letter and just go with it.
Post # 9
@BrightGreen: it is a family thing. My sister was orchestrating something for our brother. My mom is going in on it as well. My sister was wanting us to contribute $150-200 towards the gift, which we couldn’t do.
I learned after the angry emails that my mom wasn’t contributing that set amount – and, honestly, if I knew we could have done less, I would have gladly given what we could (my understanding of the initial idea was that it had to be that much). (It’s too late at this point, it’s already been sent.)
It also got into her asking why we were having a hard time with finances (which triggered a whole other set of sensitive buttons for me)… but I’m still sitting here wondering if I did something wrong by just sending a card from us.
The thing that put a bad taste in my mouth was that she didn’t include one other sibiling on the card. Had it been from the entire group (regardless of contribution amount), I wouldn’t have made a big deal about it….. (and it ended up being a cash gift, not an actual gift).