Post # 1
Scroll down for the short version of the story (bold) and the link…. read on for some of my opinions.
Ok so I personally don’t know how I feel about legal charges being brought. But at the same time I don’t agree with this man’s actions either, assuming the witness’s account is accurate. Also, I don’t know that I would have said something to him either. But I almost don’t feel like I would have been able to just sit back and do nothing at all? but what would I have done? Idk. this is such a tricky situation and I thought it would be interesting to see what people have to say about it.
I doubt people would agree with how I speak around my son or to my son at times. We come from a really open family where swearing isn’t really a big deal. It’s kind of the norm. So growing up and hearing “shut the hell up already!” or something like that doesn’ treally shock me much. Even “shut the f*** up” wouldn’t sound all that out there to me. My mom would regularly whisper to us “if you don’t shut the hell up right this instant I am going to beat your ass”. We weren’t abused and my mom was, by all accounts, a great mother. We did get that ass beating here and there when we just pushed our luck a little too much. But even that was like a slap on the arm or the butt. It was enough to get her message across to us. I can’t imagine someone ever having gotten involved had they heard my mom say stuff like she did to us. Those moments were not an accurate picture of what kind of parent she was overall. Those were moments were she was at her limit. So if someone had gotten involved it would have been really inappropriate IMO. But not all cases are like mine and god forbid this is the one case where the parent is actually verbally abusive and this is a glimpse into what those kids deal with all the time or worse, some kind of red flag that he was thinking of harming his kids.
It’s just such a touchy thing and I really struggle in my head wondering what the “right” way to handle this kind of thing is. On the one hand it’s not ok to butt into other people’s lives, especially in regards to parenting styles and family lives in general. But at the same time there does comea point where it’s irresponsible to overlook how parents treat their kids. What point is that? and as a stranger, how do you know if what you’re seeing is a one time bad moment on the part of the parent, or a red flag for something bigger?
Basically, a woman over heard a father tell his kids to “shut the f*** up” and then say something like “if you don’t be quiet I’m gonna put you in a hot car” or something to that effect. This woman said to the father that he needed to stop verbally abusing his children and he basically told her to stfu. So she called the cops on him and he was arrested. Family services also got involved. Here is the link to the story
Post # 2
I would probably call CPS if I saw the same kind of behavior. People are not able to observe a stranger’s day-to-day parenting skills, and making threats to lock a kid in a hot car is crossing a line. Kids are defenseless and in many cases don’t even know when they are being abused because abused kids might not have ever had a period of normalcy in their lives to use as a basis for comparison. Since we’re all members of the same community, we should all be looking out for those who are less able to protect themselves— kids, the elderly, the mentally or physically disabled, the poor. If the behavior does not constitute abuse, there is a good chance (although not 100%) that the CPS investigation will uncover that.
I have to say that I have a hard time believing that there are not other ways to get unruly children under control that do not involve threats of violence, cursing and raising your voice. I know kids can be incredibly difficult sometimes, but that doesn’t make it okay to threaten them in that manner. Dude needs a few parenting classes.
Post # 3
I think most parents have whispered threats under their breath at some point, but his were particularly awful. However, I’m not sure it rises to the level of calling CPS.
When i do this in public, my threats are vague, as in “if you don’t straighten up you will be sorry”. I’m sure some well-meaning person could interpret that as I’m going to go home and beat my daughter- when in reality it means losing TV time, or going to bed early.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
stardustintheeyes: I live in NYC and I see women tell their kids to “shut the fuck up” pretty much once a week. Usually these women are obviously poor, seemingly ill-educated and look as if they have been run-ragged. They usually have 3-4 kids with them at one time.
They were probably raised in the same way and it’s fair to say their kids will also grow up the same. I think it’s a shame. I don’t call the cops because telling your kid to shut the fuck up isn’t against the law – it’s just shitty parenting.
Post # 5
I would never be ok with swearing at my children, verbal abuse is harmful. However, the issue I have with this story is how quickly it escalated into police and CPS getting involved. While I would never be ok with how he speaks to his children, I wonder if the woman was just blowing things out of proportion because he offended her. I do not see how getting arrested in front of your children is less damaging than telling them to “shut the **** up.” Maybe, it is due to my own personal issues in feeling like parenting rights are being taken away by the system. It seems almost everything you do is wrong these days and people completely outside of the situation can butt in and cause huge issues for the parents. This story proves that point, we don’t know the whole story, but the dad is going to be viewed as a villain regardless of what actually happened or was said.
I have dealt with people doing this to me, here’s the story:
My son was 4, my FI and I were painting the living room. I needed to run and grab a couple more brushes from the store, my son wanted to go with me and I said no. He had a temper tantrum, but my FI took him inside and I left. Apparently, 2 mins after I left, my son ran out the door while my FI was in the bathroom. He ran out after my son, and my son was screaming and crying when FI caught up to him. My FI called me while he was chasing after him to let me know what happened, I came straight home. I was gone for maybe 15 mins, and 5 mins after I got home there was a knock on the door. It was the police asking if we had a 4-5 year old boy in our home. The neighbors had apparently called the police! We let them in and my son was standing in the corner by the door in time-out. They asked my son what had happened, and he sobbed to them “Mommy went to the store without me and I wanted to go with her!” The police were actually really nice to us and my son showed them his room and some of his favorite toys. They spoke with us little longer and said that they are required to check up on these things but everything looked fine. Of course it was fine! Neither of us would ever lay a finger on our children, and the whole situation was ridiculous. My son ran out the door having a temper tantrum, so people automatically assumed he was being abused or something.
I know I went off on a tangent, but this is why I am skeptical of some of these stories. People need to mind their own business, unless it is something serious. Do I think it is ok to speak to his children that way, absolutely not, do I think it was worth calling the police, absolutely not. The woman could have said something if it bothered her that much and then gone on her way.
Post # 6
I don’t know about being arrested, but I think calling CPS is warranted. That way, Dad knows what he did was wrong and is also on the radar of CPS.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
stardustintheeyes: I would say I had a very similar upbringing; I think a little fear of repercussions is beneficial so I will likely raise my child in the same manner. I don’t believe there are many circumstances in which I would say something to a parent because you just never know how the person will react (whether verbally or physically) and I would not put myself in that kind of position. I don’t think I would even call the cops or get CPS involved BUT I think what he said was horrible, especially in light of recent events in the media so in that case I agree with her calling the cops (But again, I wouldn’t have said something to the guy directly- there are too many crazy people in this world to predict how a stranger will react to basically being scolded).
Post # 8
MrsClumsy: this is exactly why I’m torn about this story. It’s obvious his actions weren’t appropriate. But I have a hard time with being completely ok with strangers being able to get involved to this extent over this kind of incident. how do we know this wasn’t a bad moment for him? It’s a slippery slope I guess. And you’re right, how do we know her story is actually how it went down? were there other witnesses? there isn’t enough info I guess to know for real.
mixtaperomance: It bothers me when I hear people say swearing means you’re uneducated. My mom is actually very educated and intelligent but she likes the F-bomb a lot lol. My whole family is that way and to us it’s not a big deal. I was exposed to that kind of language for as long as I can remember and I just never thought anything of it. So when I see people freak out about it being used around or at kids (to an extent) it’s just not something I relate to. Im aware of there needing to be boundaries, and the details of how and when certain words ar eused, definitely mean a lot. But that little bit of fear we had of our parents growing up in my family went a long way.
Post # 9
I don’t think swearing at your kids is okay. HOWEVER, I wouldn’t say anything to someone else who did. But threatening to lock them in a hot car? IMO, that crosses a line that I am not comfortable with, and I probably would have reported him as well.
Post # 10
JiminyCricket: I think people are so quick to call CPS these days. Sometimes its warranted, but I think there’s this knee jerk reaction sometimes to call CPS when it’s not always needed and ends up creating more of a problem than doing good. If this isn’t something that warrented a call to CPS you’re talking some major consequences if this was all for nothing. Everything from losing custody, losing a job, trauma for the kids, etc. Calling CPS is done so quickly these days. I have a friend who used to do social work here in chicago and she said that real cases fall through the cracks because they are so overworked with checking into cases that shouldn’t be cases to begin with so the ones who do need more attention get glossed over sometimes because there just aren’t enough people to do the work. So there needs to be some judgement used here and I’m not sure in this case if the woman who called had a reason to. Mostly because there isn’t enough info given in the story, but still…
Post # 11
My parents did not censor anything they said to me. I also heard a lot of “shut the hell up” when I was growing up. They are not the type of parents who sugar coat things for children, and that’s just how they chose to raise me and act around me. They were great parents and I turned out just fine (although with a bit of sailor’s mouth myself). I’ve seen parents curse at their kids in public, and generally it does not bother me. A small glimpse of someone swearing at their kids doesn’t give me the full story on the type of parent they truly are. Sure, you can tell a parent your opinion on their language, but accusing them of verbal abuse is crossing the line.
The one item which would raise concern for me is the threat of leaving them in a hot car. This is something which should never be taken lightly. Stories of kids dying in cars have been all over the news lately. There’s a difference between dropping the f-bomb around a child and making a threat to put a child in harm. If I had overheard that in public, I would have called CPS or the cops too.
Post # 12
stardustintheeyes: I’m torn. It brings out the rage in me when I see parents treat their kids like shit, and what the dad said was unacceptable. I like that the woman said something, but I’m not sure if the police or CPS should have been involved. There was one time when I was working as a serve in college that one of my managers called CPS on a parent. The mom and kid went to the restroom and the little girl could be heard screaming and sobbing from the bathroom. As they walked out, her mom was screaming at her and yanking on her little arm the entire way. The entire restaurant stopped because it was so heartbreaking-the little girl was really, really upset and the mother was out of control. This story…I don’t know. I wish it was acceptable to confront shitty parents because they deserve to be called out and I hate seeing kids treated like shit, but I’m not sure this was a case for the police.
Post # 13
I would a million times over rather have cps investigate and find nothing than miss a kid who is being abused. Around here, several kids have died from heat stroke in cars. That is never funny, never a joke and if I heard it, would call the cops. A little inconvinance is worth it if it keeps a kid alive.
I will come out and say it, I find it classless to curse at anyone, but especially a kid. There are a lot of ways to express oneself without being vulgar.
Post # 14
stardustintheeyes: I am curious if there are other witnesses. I also believe people are a little too quick to contact CPS. Thankfully, in my situation, the police were able to see the situation for what it was and they didn’t file a report, they simply had us sign off that they spoke with us and there was no issue. I believe CPS is important and they should be called for serious issues, but I think that people jump the gun far too often.
As a parent, you get stressed out and can say things that you never thought you would say. It could have been an off day for this father, speaking like that is never ok to me, but I have snapped at my children in public before. The one thing in this story that would really make me question him is if he actually did threaten to lock his kids in a hot car. That is not something to ever threaten or make light of, especially given recent news stories.
Post # 15
Considering that every year children die from being left in hot cars, I would not take the threat lightly, and I would have called CPS. It’s better to be safe than sorry.