What would you rather be invited to?

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
  • poll: What would you rather be invited to? (even if you only plan on going to the hometown party)
    Destination Wedding & at home Reception : (55 votes)
    44 %
    Engagement party & Destination Wedding : (17 votes)
    14 %
    Just the at home Reception : (44 votes)
    35 %
    Just the Engagement party : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Just the DW : (8 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    “Technically” you aren’t the Hosts for your own Engagement Party… someone throws it for you in your honor

    So…

    In my mind it would be best to go with Inviting One and All to your Destination Wedding… as a sign of being inclusive.

    Then having a Back Home Reception Party when you return, so folks who cannot make it have an event where they can attend and celebrate with you.

    Back Home Reception Parties can be whatever you wish them to be… Wedding-like or not.  Full on Vow Renewals or just a Party.  Formal / Informal, Big / Small, etc.  The choice is yours.

    Hope this helps,

    — — —

    UPDATE…

    Looks like you made an EDIT since I first read your post.

    YES you can most certainly make your Destination Wedding a smaller intimate (family & best friends only affair) and then have a more inclusive Back Home Reception afterwards.

    As you say that might make more sense in that the Wedding is on another Continent

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Only inviting close family could go two ways. 1) They’re offended that they’re not invited or 2) they’re relieved they won’t have to shell out the cash for travel. Personally, I would be relieved as a guest, but you know your friends and family best.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5839 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Brickette:  Unless you are a best friend or close family member, I’d prefer not to be invited to a desination wedding. An afterward  home reception is perfect. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Ellyson:  makes a good point (one I often stress in my Etiquette posts)

    The choice is yours… as only YOU know your Guests best.  You weigh the Rule of Etiquette for the Risks & Consequences (and accepted local customs etc) and make a decision based on that

    As stated you can truly do this however you see fit… invite everyone, or just call it a “Small Intimate Destination Wedding” and invited just your nearest & dearest.  And then send out seperate Back Home Reception Invites.

    If anyone asks what your plans are… be honest.  We are having a “Small Intimate Destination Wedding in America… and a Reception Party for Family & Friends when we return from our Honeymoon”

    OR

    Here’s a thought… thinking outside the box…

    Print up your Invites with 3 parts to them…

    Destination Wedding Invite – Back Home Reception Invite – RSVP card that includes options:

    YES / NO… We will be attending the Destination Wedding on May 23, 2015

    YES / NO… We will be attending the Back Home Reception on June 27, 2015

    You can even print the two Invites so they look coordinated, but not identical… giving a clue that they aren’t for the same event overall.

    Putting everything together in one mail-out, means that EVERYONE gets invited to it all.  They can make up their minds on what they want to do… and no one will feel offended by being left out of anything.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2429 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    It would be my preference as a guest to only be invited to the reception. In your shoes, I would invite only family and very close friends to both. 

    I would not shell out the cash to attend a DW for anyone other than an immediate family member or best friend. I don’t think it is rude at all to not extend the invite to everyone. Where I live, most people just get an invite to the at-home reception following a DW.

    Post # 11
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We are doing option 3 for ourselves…only my parents and brother will end up attending (FI’s parents and sister won’t be coming) to our DW. We will be inviting extended family and friends to our home reception once we get back.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    2 is out b/c an engagement party is not guaranteed since other people throw it for you.

    I like option 1: using plenty of inserts, I would like to know that I am invited to the DW and a timely after party back in the home country.  The RSVP should reflect all wedding related celenrations.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @Brickette:  I would be fine with only being invited to the at-home reception since the DW is in another country.  PP made a good point about the enegagement party; those invitations are for the host to decide.

    Post # 14
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I think you invite family and friends to DW and have a larger celebration reception at home is the way to go. I think that’s they way I want to do it at least.

    Post # 15
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee

    I’d invite everyone to your destination wedding, to be inclusive.  Obviously those who can’t afford it won’t attend.  Find a way to word it to say that you understand that not everyone will be able to make it, and that it’s okay.  Then invite everyone to the “back home” reception.

    I would be a little insulted if I was only invited to the reception back home, and not to the DW.  Leave it in their hands, I say.

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