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What would you rather have in-laws pay for??!

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you rather have your future in-laws pay for?
    Alcohol : (10 votes)
    13 %
    All flowers and a professional decorator : (9 votes)
    12 %
    Rehearsal Dinner : (13 votes)
    17 %
    Honeymoon-up to $5,000 : (45 votes)
    58 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    JamieAnnette    June 4, 2011  

    If in laws are planning to pay for one LARGE wedding item, what would you rather it be? I know what my preference is, but everyone is acting like I'm crazy. What do you ladies think?

     
    2.
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    8,467 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    KatNYC2011    September 24, 2011   London, UK (american expat)

    The honeymoon!

    Unless that doesn't count as a wedding item.

    Ummm.... maybe the band? Or if you are not going a band then the food?

     
    3.
    Member
    4,018 posts
    Honey bee
    abbyful    June 7, 2011   Kansas City

    Photography

     

    EDIT: I voted "Honeymoon".

     
    4.
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    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    JamieAnnette    June 4, 2011  

    I added a poll, can you ladies vote :)

     
    5.
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    397 posts
    Helper bee
    Applestar13    January 8, 2011   Phoenix, AZ

    My in laws paid for our honeymoon and achohol.

     
    6.
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    Blushing bee
    Eye Candy    November 27, 2013  

    Decor can get really expensive.  But I'll take what ever they offer.  It's a gift and it's not up to me to tell them what to give us.

     
    7.
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    2,569 posts
    Sugar bee
    iheartnerds    October 9, 2011   Massachusetts

    I'd have to go with rehearsal dinner because we haven't really budgeted for that and I keep hoping they'll offer. :) I would have said alcohol but they don't approve of drinking so that would never happen. Would be sweet to actually be able to afford open bar, though.

     
    8.
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    4,224 posts
    Honey bee
    kitzy    June 2011  

    i would probably choose the booze. that won't happen, because fmil thinks we should have a cash bar. they're paying for the florist instead plus a couple of smaller things.

    i would like if they paid for a honeymoon, but they kind of are because they're paying for us to go to a DW one month later.

     
    9.
    Member
    2,616 posts
    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    I'd pick whatever's going to cost the most!  Not to be grubby about it, but money is interchangeable, so anything they spend money on is funds that I can use out of my own pocket for something else.

    Though I do have this weird distaste for anything that's a wedding tradition, so them paying for the alcohol or rehearsal dinner makes me slightly uncomfortable.

     
    10.
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    425 posts
    Helper bee
    FinallyGettingMarried    January 1, 2011   Northern California

    it's more meaningful to give a 'trip' as opposed to alcohol, flowers, etc.

     
    11.
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    3,312 posts
    Sugar bee
    TinyTina    June 2012   Albany, NY

    HONEYMOON!

    Alcohol woulda been my second choice, but my parents are paying for that one (yay!).

     
    12.
    Member
    8,808 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    UpstateCait    October 7, 2011   Upstate, NY

    HM!! My FIL's are paying for our rehearsal dinner and flowers but if they would have offered the HM I would have totally done something simple for the RD and paid for the flowers ourselves.

     
    13.
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    JamieAnnette    June 4, 2011  

    So here's the deal: from DAY ONE they've been saying they'd pay for honeymoon. So I've been banking on that, planning on DIY decor, etc. Last minute, FMIL finds a decorator to hire who will also do all the flowers, etc. She calls, Fiance and he OKAYS it without talking to me. Now he's offended that I'm so upset. I'm just super frustrated. We were planning on going to Greece (paying a little on top of what they had offered) but now we're back at square one. I feel like I'm being unreasonable, it's just a disappointment (but of course I'm not acting this way in front of them, I want to be gracious...). 

    Needless to say, I am quite ready to be done with wedding planning!

     
    14.
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    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    UpstateCait    October 7, 2011   Upstate, NY

    Stupid iPhone. Double post!

     
    15.
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    3,044 posts
    Sugar bee
    camrie    September 5, 2010   Louisville

    I'd say the honeymoon or the rehersal dinner.

    Money always comes with strings attached so if you want to make sure you don't have to worry about other people's opinions for your wedding then let them pay for something that isn't and actual part of the wedding. YOU may think that $5/piece for chaivari chairs is a good deal but if your future in-laws don't agree you may be forced to make changes, if they want to plan something - let them pay for the RD, if they just want to gift you some money - I'd say use it for the honeymoon.

     
    16.
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    JamieAnnette    June 4, 2011  

    Thanks guys! It looks like my original opinion wasn't so off-base. I guess I just need to be thankful that they at least want to help out with ANYthing.

     
    17.
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    8,387 posts
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    Beekeeper
    PitBulLover    August 21, 2010  

    Honeymoon up to $5K

    If I could go back I wouldnt have had my ILs pay for anything towards the actual wedding because once they did they felt like they had the right to do things their way and take control!

     
    18.
    Hostess
    4,169 posts
    Honey bee
    yrret107    November 28, 2009   Seattle, WA; Married in West Chester, PA

    I would rather have them contribute to my honeymoon but then again, I think it's their decision as to what they should do with their money. I mean, any money they are helping out with is great, if their aren't any strings attached.  It would be great if they didn't care where that money went but I know with my wedding, they had their own beliefs on where most of the money should be spent.  Which was different from what me and the DH believed... which is why we didn't ask for monetary help.

     
    19.
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    329 posts
    Helper bee
    nursein10    May 21, 2011  

    HONEYMOON!!!

     
    20.
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    730 posts
    Busy bee
    MUI831    October 22, 2011   Chicago, IL

    I'd rather have them contribute what they are comfortable giving and using it towards any and all of those.

     
    21.
    Member
    2,762 posts
    Sugar bee
    PinkMagnolia    November 2011  

    Which one is the most expensive? lol

     
    22.
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    1,141 posts
    Bumble bee
    SBourgeous    February 1, 2011  

    Honeymoon, hands down. Mine are paying for our rehearsal dinner - nowhere near 5000$! We're so grateful for their help. I think if I asked them to pay for alcohol they'd be offended.

     

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