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Dear Coworker Who Talks Too Loud,
Please understand that this is a professional work environment and no one (especially customers) want to know the nitty gritty details of your life. Also, it's NOT OK for you to chime into conversations that someone else is having WITH someone else about the events of their life, only to OUTDO their tales with marvelous ones of your own. One more thing to keep in mind is that you sit RIGHT ACROSS from 2 supervisors offices and the DIRECTOR is right ACROSS THE ROOM, so it might be wise for you to keep your colorful vocabulary to a minimum.
Sincerely,
Someone who is NOT impressed by your obnoxious personality.
Dear coworker:
Just shut up. I do.not.care.about.anything.you.say.
Sincerely,
Miss Chapstick (yeah, I really do not like this person, in case you couldn't tell)
Dear Co-workers,
I'm only pretending to like you.
Love, VM.
ps: I judge you based on how messy you keep your cubicles, you filthy, filthy piglets!
Dear Coworker who has not understood the concept of boundaries:
It is NOT ok for you to come at my desk, stand behind me to watch what I'm doing at my computer.
It is NOT ok for you to leave your garbage on my desk, nor is it ok for you to put your things there to sort them out. Use your own desk!
It is NOT ok for you to come grab things in my cabinet by passing OVER my head! Just ask me for what you need, I'll get it for you.
It is NOT ok to come over in the middle of a conversation I'm having with someone and just listen and then ask what we're talking about. If we didn't include you in the conversation, maybe it's because it does not concern you.
It is NOT ok to take files from my desk and tell me what I'm supposed to do with it. First of all, I KNOW how to do my job, second, you're not even giving me the right information and third, it was sitting on MY desk for a reason!!!
The sad part is that this is a very nice person, but NO concept of personal space!!! I tell her all the time, it doesn't get through to her... uughh!
THAT FELT GOOD!!!
Dear OTHER Coworker,
It is NOT OK to call in "sick" EVERY other Monday (& Tuesday). We are short-handed enough on this shift as it is when everyone is here. You are so selfish and lazy.
Also, PLEASE for the love of all things holy, TAKE A FREAKING SHOWER! EVERY. DAY.
Sincerely,
Someone who is onto your game
Almost forgot:
Dear other co-worker:
The only reason your office was smelling so good the other day, was because we put Febreze in it while you were out on your break. Your office smells like feet to the point we can't get in. BUY NEW SHOES!!
Honestly, someone came to me to complain that when you walk in the hallway they know it's you because of the SMELL!
Good thing you're leaving tomorrow... We'll miss you!
I KNOW! I went through an entire meeting the other trying to subtly have my hand over my nose/face because I couldn't breathe properly, the smell was THAT bad.
Although I must say, it does bother me a lot, but less than the one who has no boundaries... I feel I have to fight every minute of my day for my personal space. It's very hard....
@egb - Your first coworker could definitely be my boss!! ugh
@ egb - I know EXACTLY what you're talking about with the personal space thing. The same guy that needs a SHOWER is also bad about that (think about THAT when your other coworker gets too close - at least she doesn't SMELL! lol)
In the past, he has stood over my shoulder as I took a call (this is when I was new and 'might need help') and I had to tell him not to stand over me because I can't work like that!
Dear Co-worker,
You need to retire. You are old and wore out and incapable of handling the stress of your job. I hate that I have to spend every day with you. I pray that sometime you will realize that lunch is a break, and time to take a rest, so please stop talking about work during that time. Further to that; silence is golden, so don't tell me about your grandchildren, daughters, sisters, mother, friends, etc. I also don't care to hear about all the bad news in the paper, or someone you know who knows someone who knows someone who had a personal tragedy. If you love drama so much please retire and spend your days watching The View and Soaps and then I won't have to listen to your crap.
When you get your lunch please don't tell me that you asked for a half order or confess that you 'are being bad today'. You are 63 and have a self-esteem issue. We get it. If I eat healthy, please don't say 'oooooh, someone's on a diet!' I'm not on a diet, i eat salad everyday for lunch and have for the past 2 years that i've worked here. shutup.
Most of all, shutup. Just shutup. Just go back to your desk and do you work (even though I know you are sitting in their playing hearts on your computer and then staying late to make yourself seem indespensable)
Just shutup.
Oh, and you are only invited to my wedding because I want to invite our other co-workers. I could care less if you were there.
Thanks,
BsGF.
@okqueenbee: said co-worker always tries does the interupt and outdo others in their converstion.
DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!!
I feel so mean on this post! I kinda feel guilty for writing those things now, and guilty for reading the other ones lol!
Amen other bees! I agree with you completely... it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way every day at work!
Dear new office mate:
You share an office with 2 other people. There's no need to use speakerphone all the time.
Stop.eating.all.day.long.
"An Apple" a day is a saying. There's no need to chomp & slurp on one every single day while watching Oprah at your desk.
We wouldn't really mind it, if you chewed with your mouth closed.
You have headphones for both your television and your computer. Please use them.
Yes you are a gay man, no that does not automatically mean that you and orig. officemate are automatically BFF. He hates you.
Yes, the office smells good lately, we bought a Glade plug in that's hiding behind my desk because the protein bars you eat every morning make you fart & we have to live with it.
Dear co-worker who thinks it's okay to bash our boss to me:
It's not. She's my FMIL and I see everything she puts into the business and all that she does for her employees. She sent you to Disney World, for goodness sake. If you are a hard worker, she's a good boss. So maybe you should stop reading magazines when you should be working and do something!
Dear Coworkers/enemys,
It is not ok to treat this place like your house. Clean up after yourself, fush the toilet when you leave, and wipe the seat if you "missed" the toilet!!! There is no excuse for me having to deal with this at work. YOU ARE ALL ADULTS!!
Don't complain about how unappreciated you feel. I feel the same way! we all do! It's a crappy economy!
Don't take my food in the fridge or that is on my desk. If I didn't offer it it's because I don't want to share!
Don't complain about what I eat because you are on a diet. I excersice to stay thin you should try it!!!
ok i feel much better :)
Dear Coworkers,
For every single birthday, special occasion etc I am the one who spearheads the "lets get a card/cake/gift/whatever" effort, buys it, pays for it and never receives any money back from any of you. Literally, not a dime from one of you for any of the cards/cakes/gifts that you all take credit for.
Thank you all so much for forgetting that today is my birthday. It feels awesome.
Much love,
PL
Dear Coworkers,
Just because we work together 6 days a week in a small, confine space does not mean I want to talk to you the entire time. And, you don't need to mark on a calendar with a happy or sad face the days I do or do not talk to you. That only makes me want to talk to you less. I do not have my job to socialize with you, I have it to work and get paid. I understand you are old and retired from your first career (1st grade teacher) but I am not your student and you may not live vicariously through me which is exactly why I don't feel the need to tell you the exact details of my nightly plans even though you request that information daily.
Oh and yes, I do understand that you are new BUT...I will not hold your hand every step of the way. I have showed you countless times how to do a simple job. I even typed of instructions and taped them to the wall. At some point you need to take off the training wheels, stop using the "I'm new" excuse, put your big girl panties on and DO YOUR JOB!
End rant.
dear co worker
ever since we met u have been trying to outdo me which u can't.quit trying to make your relationship with your man seem like its simliar to mine. it will never happen.my man is considerate and loving.you're only fooling urself.i hope u dont end up heart broken.
ps stop always trying to get your man to purchase things u see me with its getting old! and u'll scare him away
pps also quit hugging and giving me judus kisses when u see me am not buying it.
dear coworker - why can't you hang your jacket on the back of your chair like everyone else? why do you have to hang it on the wall of the cubicle that is between both of our desks? Can't you see that I tack papers up on that wall and whenever you put your jacket there it knocks them off the wall?
such a simple thing, but it really really annoys me.
@ prettylizy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it doesn't make up for the co-workers, but...
Dear co-workers,
Did you get that email Mom sent?
Dear Co-worker that I'm not related to:
You're a racist, selfish, self-centered and self-serving ass and even though we don't narc on you for coming in late, taking long lunches and leaving early, we don't like you. No, you won't be invited to my wedding.
dearest co-worker who works in the cube next to me, you're a great guy - but PLEASE STOP WHISTLING!!! It is really rude when everyone is quiet and trying to work. Granted, we are allowed to have headphones on, but I'm already half deaf (no joke, i have a hearing aid) in one ear and can't turn my ipod up any louder.
STOP WHISTLING IN YOUR CUBE! IT'S RUDE!!!!!
Dear Co-Worker/Friend,
I really appreciate the lunch invite. However, I have lunch, we're trying to save money. I don't want to go out and spend $15 on lunch at a restaurant I'm not in love with. You are not a money saver. Besides which you still owe me money on a gift we went halfsies on and a lunch from two weeks ago! So don't roll your eyes because I'm declining your impromptu lunch invite! Some of us plan out our week!!
Your amiga,
Gerbera
Dear Coworker,
We all know that you are incredibly skinny and are a missed meal away from a distended stomach. Despite what you may believe, you do not look like the other tiny girl in the office. Unlike you, she has curves on her. Additionally, you are not better than me because you do not have any debt from college or because you're getting a master's degree. Also, if you could cut your hair and stop letting your horse-hair pony tail linger in my cubicle, that would be fabulous.
Sincerely,
Twista
P.S.--If you laugh one more tim I WILL toss your mal-nourished BMI body out the window.
Dear Coworker #2,
I understand that you have back problems; however, I do not think it is fair that management has accomodated this by buying you a special chair and a massaging pad. The moaning and groaning that this pad encourages from you sounds indecent and I might vomit on my keyboard at any moment. Also, it would be greatly appreciated if you could stop snacking on crunchy items from cellophane wrappers. You work in a cubicle and disturb everyone within earshot and we just can't take it anymore.
Hugs and Kisses,
Twista
Dear coworkers,
Screw off. Today you are not my problem. I don't want to hear it.
Thanks.
Yeah the coworker who stands behind me and goes over my head to reach in my cabinet actually smokes (no offense to anyone, but it doesn't smell very good) AND she has yellow spots under her arms... I. dont. get. that.
Dear Coworkers,
Please stop hanging out right outside the bathroom and then staring me down every time i go in there or worse stare at me intensely and say "Hi How are you???" in a condescending tone. I try not to make eye contact with you and I frankly don't care that you socialize all day instead of doing work, it's none of my business. We aren't friends and I'd rather not talk to someone EVERY TIME I need to use the bathroom. I don't pass by you because i want to talk to you, I pass by because it's the only way to the ladies room.
I need to go brush my teeth now before I get on a conference call, so let's practice this new strategy immediately!
Thanks,
Moderndaisy
Dear cubicle neighbour,
Please stop cutting your finger nails in your cubicle. It's gross.
Love,
Ottawa
Thanks for the b-day wishes Bees!!! :) Made my afternoon!!!
PLUS, I have another co-worker vent:
Dear Coworker,
Please quit. We all know you hate your job, you tell us all every chance you get. I get it, you've been doing this for 20 years and want to retire, but if you can't afford to retire, then stop whining or find someting else to do. No one wants to be near you because of your negative energy and how miserable YOU ALWAYS ARE.
Hugs and kisses,
PL
Dear co-workers/food service employees that I am in charge of:
Please stop fighting with one another over whose turn it is to use the bathroom. You are grown women who are older than I am. Just because one of you disappears for 10 minutes into the bathroom does not mean that you need to do it too. This is not a competition. You are here to work. Please start acting your age, because "Babysitter" was not in my job description.
On that note, please stop complaining that I like one of you better than the other. I dislike both of you equally, but human resources doesn't let me say that to your face.
Best,
Miss Root
@MissRoot: HA! Your HR comment might be the funniest thing I've read all day. Love it.
Oh yes, I neeeeeeeeed this today.
Dear DIT,
YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING DICK WAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop picking on me you douche bag.
Dear MD,
Dude, you need to quit. The degree to which you don't care about this office is absolutely absurd. And the degree to which you just spin the bullshit that a certain other manager feeds you makes you look like a real pawn. Common man, sack up and get a new job your draging us all down.
Dear HPSV
You work so hard yet those other power tripy managers are never on your side. I try to be on your side and I hope it makes a difference.
Oh yeah, and to all my piggy co-workers
PUT YOUR F***ING DISHES IN THE DISWASHER YOU DISGUSTING PIGS!
lol
Dear coworker..
you rock! (and yes, I know your on wedding bee too, I caught you browsing. :) lets keep it our secret.
signed
your other coworker. :)
OMG I LOVE HOW THIS THREAD IS TURNING OUT. I just get so frustrated at work because my coworkers literally just yap and yap all day-loudly.
@prettylizy- HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY birthday!! I hope your day got immensely better after your venting.
@okqueenbee- it's not that this thread was meant to be mean... It was just meant as an outlet to vent so that meanness is not literally sent out into the universe because THAT would really make work environments uncomfortable.
Hope all of your work days are wonderful today bees!
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OK Ladies... having a rough week trying to concentrate bc there isn't much to do in the office... If you could say something to your coworkers... what would it be?
I'll start:
Dear Supervisors Who's Lives Are Broadcast Throughout the Office:
In case you didn't realize, there are 30 other people in this open office environment who actually have work to do! I don't care about your dating lives and what you did with your new, hot flame last night. I don't care that you ate a bag of tuna fish AND a WHOLE HALF bag of peanut m&ms yesterday. I don't care about your plans for the weekend and how much you drank. I really wish you would stop talking over your office walls and yelling out the doors so that others may concentrate on what they need to do.
I especially think your thoughts on being invited to someone's wedding without a date are selfish, inconsiderate, and ignorant- to say the least! If someone is inviting you to their wedding (with or without a date), it's because they want you to share in THEIR special day! Someone inviting you to their wedding without a date is not rude- ESPECIALLY bc you are NOT dating ANYONE seriously right now!!!!
Love Always,
Vanilla Frosting
Wow... I really need to get that out into the universe before it bottled up inside and shook around!