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I'm not really sure what I would say to him, but I applaud you for using proper terms for anatomy with him, that's definitely a step in the right direction!
As a step parent, I can see where you want to be careful- my toddler daughter knew there was a place "down there" where her brother would come through. That's one of the ways we introduced the concept of "private" areas to her.
Do you have a good relationship with his mother? Perhaps you could call her and let her know that he asking a lot of questions and she can explain it to him in a way that makes her comfortable.
If we had a better relationship with his mother I would talk to her about it but she's made some comments that it was awfully soon for us to be having a baby etc so I don't think thats a good idea.
His grandmother suggested we try the bookstore to see if there are any books to help so I think we will try that route and see what we find. We are just trying to find that line of telling him enough truth to satisfy his curiosity but no more than he needs to know for this age.
I think I'd tell him something along the lines of, "There's a hole in every woman that's part of her private parts, and it's made for babies to come out of it." That doesn't seem too explicit to me, and is also clear enough about where the baby comes out and that it's not something he should ask other little girls to see!
I think the book idea is a great one! There are a lot of books about becoming a big brother that he will probably enjoy.
I would also go with the vague route because most kids don't need a ton of detail at this age. You may want to recruit the help of his mom in this case. If he knows that girls have a vagina it might be fine to say "A baby comes out of the mommy and the doctors helps catch the baby and makes sure the baby is happy/healthy" If he wants more than something about girl body parts and a baby coming out there would probably be the most you would elaborate.
Also, I know that a lot of hospitals have sibling classes or a sibling tour so you may want to look into those with your local hospital. My cousin's daughter attended one when she was three and it was really cute and age appropriate. She received a little certificate too and felt like the proud big sis!
You kind of are in a tough position because you don't want to upset his mother. She probably has her own ideas about how she wants to teach him about things. I would stick with, "The doctor helps the baby comes out of the mommy's body."
I do think you or your husband should mention this to your stepson's mom. Even if things are tense, she'd probably be grateful to know rather than you handling it yourself without communicating with her.
A pregnant friend of mine, who has a daughter that is 4 years old, has a book that talks about the baby being born through the "birth canal" and she has accepted this without asking any further questions.
The nice thing about using the term "birth canal" is that it's a truthful, age appropriate answer, that can be expanded upon when the child is ready to learn more specific details.
Hope that helps!
While the mother issues may be present, I always believe it's best to answer kids questions and not put it off. You use an answer that will satisfy them. Example, the first time my son asked how babies are made, my response was "when two people love each other." That answer was enough for that moment.
I also think a book and "birth canal" would help as well. My daughter just turned 5 and swears she never wants to have kids because "they come from down there." Kids! lol...
Thanks for all the suggestions...We did find a book that gave details about how to handle different levels of curiosity. We started with telling him that the Dr would help get the baby out but as I've gotten bigger that answer stopped being enough. We had previously told him that girls have vaginas instead of penis's so we told him yesterday that the vagina was a hole for the baby to come out and he seems good with that answer.
We are doing a sibling class in a few weeks but he asks every day so I felt like we needed to give him something. I am curious to see if they talk about that part of it during the class tho. He was really fascinated with the picture in the book that showed a cross section of a pregnant woman with the baby in the womb. And he thought the umbilical cord was really cool.
I was 4 when my sister was born and don't remember being told anything at that point (I'm not sure if I was asking questions though). However I was 6 when the next one was born and I remember Mum stocking up on books (we especially loved the cartoon one called "Where did I come from" - funny pictures of a very ordinary looking couple!) and just being honest without going into massive amounts of detail. Good luck!
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My step son keeps asking how the baby is going to get out and I am really not sure what to tell him. I worry about telling him too much but I'm running out of answers. Right now he keeps asking if the doctor is going to squeeze him out. We use proper names for penis etc, as does his mother, but I don't want to say too much and have her get upset.
Any ideas?