Post # 1
*Skip to the short version where you see the bold if you don’t want to read a lot*
I just posted about this in a response to another thread but when I think about it I start to wonder. Do you bees think this may have been a bit intentional or unintentional?
A bit of background, my inlaws like me. They like me because of the man my husband has become since being with me. They love me but my personality isn’t the best and I’m sure they aren’t too fond of my personality. I’m a very shy person so I don’t talk much, when I do talk I tend to stick my foot in my mouth. Not every time but enough for in laws to not like me. I admit this. I have done some pretty stupid things. I’ve even sent my MIL two texts that were very harsh but were meant for someone else, turns out her number is only one digit off from a female relative that really screwed me over. So yeah, I make really dumb mistakes. His family is full of very confident outoing people who are friends with everyone you meet. They literally know almost every person in our town in some way. They are loved by everyone etc.
So I like them because I really respect them, they like me because of the man their son is. If it wasn’t for that they would think I was some crazy strange person.
So now comes the question… On our wedding day we were getting pictures of all the families and my husband and I with everyone. We were about to take the last photo of his family and I wanted to talk to the photographer. So I was standing up there talking to the photographer and my husbands family was rounding everyone up for the photo. Everyone was included in the photo. Uncles, my husband, grandparents, parents, spouse etc. While I’m talking to the photographer my ILs call over my BILs girlfriend saying “You’re family get in the picture” and she runs over there and gets in the picture. Now I’m sure she will be marrying my BIL at some point but for a while there everyone was unsure. They aren’t engaged but have been together almost as long as my husband and myself. No big deal though since they will likely get married right? Well after the girl gets with the group they call out to me and the photographer and say “OK we’re ready now!”. So I just stand there, everything was crazy so I didn’t give it much thought on the wedding day but when I got the pitcures back from the photographer I noticed. A couple weeks after the wedding my ILs said “You should have been in the picture”.
So now I’m wondering, would anyone be offended by this? Does this just seem like an overlook on their part? Should I have been included or was it alright to not have me in the pic? I feel kind of silly entertaining the idea that it was on purpose and I don’t think it was but when I think back to my friends whose inlaws have done things like this, it was because the inlaws didn’t like the person. What would you think?
Post # 3
@MrsNewBride427: wait….you were the bride and you weren’t in the picture? thats super strange. seems like just an oversight to me, though.
Post # 4
I think it’s so strange it must be an oversight.
Post # 5
Without knowing more, I’d think that they assumed that you’d join the picture once you were finished talking with the photographer.
Post # 6
I’m a very shy person so I don’t talk much, when I do talk I tend to stick my foot in my mouth…His family is full of very confident outoing people who are friends with everyone you meet.
Wow! You described my situation exactly! It took years for my ILs not to hate me because I’m not as loud/talkative as them. But to each his own. I even had a similar family picture incident! SIL got married one year before us. They were doing a big-family picture with the spouses, and even though we had been engaged for 8 months, I was intentionally not included. It hurt, and I still think about it to this day, but whatcha gonna do?
As far as your picture, sounds like a TOTAL oversight. I thought it was a blood-relative only picture (which I can understand) until you mention the girlfriend. If they wanted her, then I think they would have wanted you, and it was just a mistake.
Post # 7
From what it sounds like, they called out to you that they were ready, and you didn’t go get in the picture. They probably thought it was strange that you didn’t go get in the picture. I don’t think it was intentional. Plus you could have told the photographer to take another one and jump in that one.
Post # 8
Why did the photographer not see that the bride wasn’t in the photo? Sounds like an oversight to me.
Post # 9
When my uncle got married quite a few years back, my brother brought his at the time girlfriend to the wedding (personally I thought that was the first mistake), which was out of state for us. She popped into all the group wedding photos. She and bro broke up not long after. Now we have the family photos around the house with her in them (bro is long married now with children). I think it’s awkward and my grandmother still gripes to this day (she didn’t approve of her being in the photos). I’m on side where fiances and in-laws could be included but not bfs/gfs. It’s totally personal choice, and some people are just set in certain ways.
Post # 10
Seems like an oversight. Trying to get that many people into a single picture is a nightmare, so I’m sure someone saw you talking to the photograpehr and just thought you would head over when you finished.
Post # 11
intil you mentioned that the BIL girlfriend joined i just thought maybe they wanted a family pic- like mom dad and kids( which is fine to have those pics) but you would of thought they would of realised the one in the big white dress is missing! so probally an oversight, and i wouldnt be offended. im sure you have plently of pics with everyone in it!
Post # 12
Thank you all ladies for the advice.
I don’t think it was intentional really, it just struck me as really odd even during the photo I was confused why the girlfriend was in the picture but not the bride but maybe it was just an oversight. A couple weeks later they made a small comment about “oh you should have been in the picture” but that was it.
I’m kind of worried atm probably because I screwed up Friday. I’d been looking at TTC websites and my chart was pulled up on my husbands new phone. His dad asked to check something on my husbands phone and the chart popped up. They don’t know we are planning or TTC or anything and don’t think we should yet. They think we should wait another 5 or so years since we just got married but we made the decision together and I guess now they know we are TTC and I’m sure they aren’t too happy we didn’t take their advice. It’s not financial reasons why they want us to wait, they just think we should for some reason and even said so as we were getting in our car to leave the wedding site.