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It really depends on why he wants the prenup. Did he tell you why he thinks you guys should discuss one? You may find that, after all, it's completely unnecessary.
Personally I am very open to them. If you should ever need it (heaven forbid) it is there to protect both parties. Both people must agree on the terms at hand.
Does your FI come from a wealthy family? Does he have financial assets? A family business he'll inherit?
They're not all "well if sh*t hits the fan" and preparation for a divorce. Realistically it's planning for the unfortunate what if. If things should not end well, a prenup can help ensure everybody is taken care of AND also that one person is not taken advantage of. If things end on a sour note, there can always be the "well i'm going to screw him/her over" (particularly if fidelity is invovled. I know i'd be a vindictive lady) the prenup is there to assist in negotiations.
Here is my opinion and many people are opposed to it and think it's selfish and not-trusting but i've seen what happens to other people and that things in our life sometimes happen beyond our control that lead to the big D, even after many years of love and trust. Trust me--when my brother died, his death almost tore them apart. You NEVER plan for this kind of stuff and you always say "oh i won't act like that" but you neve really know until you're in those shoes. I had mentioned a prenup to my DH long ago. Why? I have a very wealthy family. And he does not. At all. My parents were not comfortable with the idea of us getting married and them not knowing how *their* money would be handled should something happen to them. There is also a family business involved and lots of property. DH was very open to the idea because it's not mine. He told me point blank that he hopes we never need it, but that he understands why my parents felt we needed to have one, and that he never feels like he should be allowed to touch my family's money (it's not even mine!!!) if we ever get divorced. He said he wouldn't even argue with us over the principle of the idea because he doesn't even care about the money and he knows I don't think he's a golddigger =]. He also knows that when we are in our 60's and something should happen to my parents, we will both be able to immediately retire, put all our kids through college, and be comfortable. But if something should happen before we reach our golden years, he's very "it's not mine. It never was" even though I know he's not that kind of a person. Divorce does mean things to people and there is no shame in protecting what is yours. Or, in my case, what isn't, but will be in the future.
I guess it all boils down to why he wants one. There are lots of good reasons for prenups and lots of silly ones that make no sense. Know that you can't have a prenup though, unless BOTH parties agree, which means they are usually fair to begin with and handled amicably with both parties in mind.
That being said, 2 months prior notice isn't very nice. Maybe somebody in his family talked him into it? I'd be a little taken back if i had no idea it was coming and i'd be confused, too. Try not to take it personally, although I know it's hard
I really believe that prenups are a great idea. NO one plans on getting divorced, but unfortunately it still happens sometimes. If it does happen, its better to decide what is fair now when you love each other than later when there are hurt feelings.
Plus, depending on how you write your prenup it could really protect you even if you stay married. For example, (depending on your state, check with a lawyer!) say one of you gets sued some day in a professional capacity or even after a car accident or something. Having a clause that keeps whats his his and yours yours could save your house and your savings.
Obviously you need to tread carefully, get legal advice, and be sure that you really know his motives... but in theory I think that prenups are a great idea to protect everyone in a marriage.
I think I would be a little uneasy maybe initially, but deep down I know that nobody really plans for a divorce and you just don't know what can happen in the future so it's better to be protected. My mom was blindsided after 10 years of marriage by finding out my dad was cheating on her despite the fact that she thought they had a happy marriage. A prenup wouldn't have changed anything of course since they both really had nothing to begin with (like my husband and I lol) but, you just never know.
Well what exactly did he say? I brought up the subject of prenup to my fiance, not because I actually want one, but because I wanted to know how he feels about it. Luckily we're on the same page, it's not for us, but we also both don't have any money and aren't expecting to come into any. If it's only two months till the wedding, I feel like something would have to have triggered him to think of this all of a sudden.
I think it depends on the situation. Since neither of us is coming into the marriage with a ton of assets (except that which we already own jointly) I would not want to sign one.
Also, I would be a little annoyed at a request this close in time to the wedding - two months is kind of close for him to be making this request now.
Prenups have been discussed here a lot. So that should show you at the very least, you aren't alone. If there is a real reason to have one, then at the very least it should be discussed. I know it is hard not to take it personally, but they can exist to protect both parties. If it is out of no where, and seem unnecessary, then maybe you should talk about why he feels he needs one. He may have waited until two months before because he considers it a formality, and is just now thinking about paperwork. It may seem the same to him as adding you to insurance.
First of all, I think prenups are really smart, even when you don't have assets to protect, depening on the state where you live and if you may ever move. If you get married in a community property state and are happy with the default rule, you might lose those protections if you end up moving to another state. A prenup lets you control the rules instead of state law. Personally, I like that control. ;) So a prenup is not always a big bad scary thing.
On the other hand, to SUDDENLY bring one up two months before the wedding is fishy. What I'd think is that he's getting slightly cold feet and feel like he needs to do more to protect himself. I'd definitely want to check in about where this request is coming from.
Personally, I would have been pretty disappointed if my husband asked me to sign one. Mainly because neither of us had anything of major worth before we were married, and I would have taken it as a sign that he didn't trust me. That's my own personal situation though. If there are major family assets on one side of the family (like in ejs's case) I would probably feel differently. Personally, right now though, I would have been very shaken up.
Do either of you have a ton of assets that you're trying to protect? I would find out exactly what prompted this with only a few months to go.
I don't know how I feel about pre-nups to be honest. I am on the fence, but what I do know is that you need to hire an attorney to review the agreement to ensure it's fair to you. Do not neglect to do this!
Prenups aren't a CYA piece of document IMO. They're a great tool that can help both parties in the long run. Bringing it up 2 month prior is a little crappy but in the world of prenups not uncommon. You can't do them too early incase you all buy something in the interim and then, if it was a big enough purchase etc, you'd have to redo it.
I think you need to talk to him. Tell him your concerns.
California Family Code does not require both parties have their own attornies, it varies by state. Some states say an attorney can draw up the document for both sides. Nevertheless, better safe than sorry!
Come back and let us know what your Fi says, MsHymanRoth! If you want more hits on this, you might want to put "prenup" somwhere in the title of your next post. People are all over that topic like white on rice here 
thats a little bit too much to be springing on someone two months prior to the wedding. Did he give any explanation as to why he wanted to persue that?!
Two months before the wedding is a little bit short on timing and not that fair to you in terms of giving you time to process...We definitely signed one as we both had assets that we wanted to protect. But I will say that we had many discussions about it for several months, probably at least 6 months or more before the wedding.
Also, I second the poster who noted that you need to make sure you have your own attorney check it out if you guys decide to have one ( I guess this depends on your state's rules). My husband's attorney didn't feel like doing the work and kind of printed out a general one (NOT what my husband had told him we wanted) in which it had said I would sign away my right to alimony and child support! This was changed immediately, and my husband got quite angry at his attorney, but thankfully my attorney caught this!
Hi. Ok, this is the deal, he wanted to speak with my father so that they could come to a conclusion on it. My father waited for a while to get back to him and was kind of concerned since it was brought up all of a sudden. My parents have been in an uproar about it all day because I pushed the issue by complaining that they never got back to fiance on it.
Well now I am hiring an attorney and so is he. He doesn't have papers drawn up or anything ... it was casually brought up in a different meeting by a lawyer regarding business matters.
He apparently wants something that protects his assets... nothing is in my name at all. Maybe like one department store credit card.
My mom thinks it's so weird and nasty that he is bringing it up now and I don't understand all the fuss. It's really draining. I don't know what to think. We both come into this marriage with assets but his are in his name, and mine are not ... he is just starting to build wealth and obviously wants to protect it. Lol. Really ... I have no clue. Everything is in limbo right now. My mom called me twice to talk me into calling off the wedding.
It's so weird.
and I wish that we could both have lawyers and sit down together to write up documents that are fair to both of us.
I honestly can't say that I'm for or against them, but I can say that had I signed one, I'd be in a better place. REALLY long, dramatic story made short, I married the man of my dreams and one day his mom passed away and it broke his heart. Instead of getting help to deal, he went out and partied. $40,000 of debt later, he wanted a divorce. With 2 kids and keeping equity (a car) I ended up with 3/4 of the debt. A prenup would have protected me more.
You never know what can happen - if you love him and he's being fair, try to look beyond the stigma of the agreement and work through it.
With the rest of the background story, it becomes even more clear that this really should have been discussed much earlier. It really is up to the two of you though- is there a reason he brought your parents into it? As I said before, I understand his side of wanting to protect his assets. We both had assets to protect, but I will say my husband had significantly more than me and his family's business as well. You definitely can and should BOTH have lawyers to come up with something fair. It's not all one-sided and it shouldn't be him dictating.
Wait, so if I get this right, he decided he wanted a pre-nup because a lawyer in a totally unrelated conversation brought up the topic. He told you he wanted one, and then called your dad to hash it out? But your parents didn't call him back, and now the situation has blown up, kinda out of control?
It sounds like everyone is feeling super emotional about this issue, and with good reason! It sounds like everything just kinda got out of hand. The first thing I would do is take my parents out of the situation. It might be easy for you to forgive and forget with your Fi, but your parents might hold a grudge. If they're already telling you to call off the wedding, you can bet that they feel really upset with your Fi and probably won't forgive him that easily. I would tell my parents that I appreciate their concern, but that pre-nup or not, this is an issue my Fi and I have to work out on our own. Then, I would just stop talking about it with them.
The second thing I would do is sit down and try to talk rationally with your Fi. If getting a pre-nup was a decision made on a whim based on some remarks in passing, he might not have put the thought and research into that decision. Had you discussed finances before this point? If you had, a pre-nup could really change how you had planned for your future together. If not, this is a helluva time to start the conversation. :) The important thing, I think, is for you two to come together and discuss the pros and cons of a pre-nup in your relationship and situation. It might be beneficial for you to get one, or it might not be. Only you can decide what the right action is, but hopefully, you'll be able to come to the decision together.
why is he talking to your parents about a prenup when it should concern you and him the most?
i think sitting down face to face with your FI, without parents or lawyers, to understand WHY he wants a prenup is a good starting point.
there probably shouldn't be any other wedding planning until this is ironed out.
definitely get your own lawyer if you do go through with a prenup. would you be agreeable to a prenup in theory? it might be good for you to talk to someone to understand what a prenup typically entails so you're educated on it.
I'd definitely consider it. I think it depends on your financial situation and the REASONS for wanting a prenup. If it's just to be cautious, sure go for it. If it's because your relationship has trust issues, then maybe it's time to seek counseling.
oh Ms H... sending hugs. this is a real difficult thing to approach and discuss so please try to be strong. discuss the current assets and does he acknowledge that you have contributed to them? if yes, then that needs to be discussed further and put on paper. this document SHOULD be fair to both of you so dont let yourself to be pushed into a corner. think of this as a piece of paper that once signed will be put away forever - it does not have to rule how you live your lives and love eachother
sending hugs because you dont need this so close to the wedding
Yeah it sounds a little weird, too. I get his reasoning behind it (maybe he simply hadn't thought about it, that's understandable) but why'd he talk to your parents instead of you? Keep your parents out of it--they'll cause too much drama. and GET YOUR OWN LAWYER for sure. Make sure he does have good intentions for the prenup, it's not just a trust issue or "she'll screw me over" so it's handled well.
Get a lawyer for your own benefit so you don't get taken advantage of or you just get so tired you give in to what's on the paper b/c you don't think you'll ever need it. Keep your own interests at heart while he is keeping his.
Ok so you say his assets are in his name....are your assets in your parents' names? if that's the case, he can't touch anything that's yours if you don't technically own it (such as if your parents' house is in THEIR name, your FI could never take it unless it got transferred) and stuff like that.
Don't let your parents blow up too much or vent your frustrations to them. They'll always hold it against your FI forever and ever
MsHymanRoth, in most states (I know GA, TN and KY for sure), both parties are required to have an attorney during the drafting and signing of the prenup. This ensures that both parties are protected, and nothing ridiculous is made into a contract. In addition, it's usually required that the prenup be initiated well in advance of the actual wedding, so that a person cannot be coerced into signing a prenup simply because they're so close to the wedding. I don't know if 2 months qualifies, but you may want to look into that.
Here's a link that I found useful - http://www.bankrate.com/brm/prenup.asp. Particularly look at who should get one and signs of a valid prenup. Even if you both sign a prenup, if there is a ridiculous component of it, or only 1 party had a lawyer, or it was done 2 days before the wedding, a judge will probably invalidate it in the event of a divorce.
well if it were my FI... I'd probably laugh cause he doesn't have anything worth covering with a prenup.
But if this is something sincere, I say listen with open ears and remember that this isn't foreshadowing divorce, but just playing it safe.
Wow, this must be so hard on you. I think the best thing to do is to really take a step back and figure out where all this is coming from and how YOU really feel about it. It's a very touchy subject, and conversations about a prenup can spiral out of control. 2 months before the wedding is pretty emotional and stressful to begin with, without all of this. I'm sure your parents feel very protective of you, so they are probably adding a bit of heat to the topic.
How do you feel about a prenup? Are you ok with a prenup that would protect the assets that he is bringing to the table, but perhaps not those that you help him grow? I don't know your plans for the future, but if you decide as a couple that you will raise children while he works, or if you decide to quit your job and move across the country for his job, you are both working towards his career. And that is 100% ok, if you both decide that is what is best for both of you. BUT you should also have access to "YOUR COLLECTIVE" finances, in my opinion.
So perhaps you'll have a better idea if you take a step back and figure out exactly what he is asking for, and how you really feel about it.
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your fiance brought up signing a prenup two months before your wedding? As in, he wants to discuss a prenup agreement between the two of you.
I'm so confused.