Weddingbee boards

hi Bee's

Ok, so I don't know how to react to a situation that happened this weekend.  I was married about a month ago. I went to a wedding this weekend of a couple that was invited to our wedding.  The bride has been mad at me for ages - ever since she found out we were getting married before them - and she's had a weird competition about our rings as well - I just don't care (her husband and I share about 10 friends - that is all that was the same @ both weddings).

We get to the wedding this weekend to find that my husband and I along with one other couple we know are sitting at the very back corner table - the rest of our friends are not even at the table next to us, so we cannot even talk with them throughout dinner (I placed both tables next to each other at ours, and was pleased when they pushed their tables together after dinner to talk and have fun).  I was not at the same table as my brother and my husband's best friend was also not at our table (everyone found this strange).  The kicker is that on the table the bride had placed a card with everyone's names that were sitting at the table.  Funny thing, my name was NO WHERE on the card. It just said my husband's name.    Not even Mr. and Mrs. John Smith... nope.,.. JUST John Smith.  And of course - MY name is the only name missing... I was pissed off big time because I KNOW that she did it on purpose.  I would like to tell her off next time I see her, and some people think I should (the people that also don't like her).  Other people say I shouldn't so I guess I am looking for an impartial opinion... can you help me?

Honestly, is it really worth telling her off?  It's just going to make you angrier, and she'll probably be satisfied that she upset you.

Thanks ladies :-)

I guess deep down I know you are all right, but she just ticks me off so much!!!  I know that she is trying to get a reaction from me.  Her (now) husband bought her a new engagement ring that is bigger than mine (her first one was much much smaller than this new one) and she kept trying to show it to me at the wedding as if to say "Look - my ring is bigger than  yours now!" and all I want to say to her is "wow, it is bigger but doesn't that sort of ruin the sentiment of an engagement ring, when you replaced it just so it would be bigger than mine?"  But I know that it won't do any good.  BLAHHH I guess my best bet will be to avoid her until I get over wanting to tell her off and then just ignore her if I see her at social functions.

Thanks again for your advice - it helps to hear from people who are outside the situation sometimes

I believe people only have two motivations for knowingly doing things: fear and love. People act selfish and petty out of a motivating fear and in this instance it is a social fear. A jealous fear that your mutual friends like you more. That when held up in comparison, people would naturally choose you over her. And so she keeps trying to prove her worth with ring size comparisons and wedding niceties. But in the end she is simply afraid that you would "show her up" at her wedding by being more of the center of attention. Don't tell her off, but be sympathetic, maybe even pitying of someone who still plays these high-school self-esteem games. Don't let her suck you into it all, and just hope that she grows out of it.

Thanks RyanT, it does make a lot of sense what you are saying. Especially when you look at the fact that out of the 10 friends I share with her husband ALL of them attended our ceremony and NONE of them attended hers. (but the table cards were made before their ceremony obviously, so she was planning on that anyway).

My Uncle Pete once told me (okay more than once, but that's fine) about the theologian Thomas Aquinas. He said that Thomas was asked what was meant by the phrase "love thy enemy." How can you love someone who wants to do you harm? And Thomas said that "love" in this case wasn't the same as romantic or familial love, but more a wish for good. To love thy enemy, you should wish good things for them, including things that end their attempts to do you harm. A real good, and not just a wish to let them get what they want. As an example, if your friend is a violent alcoholic, the good you would wish for them is a way out of the disease, rather than a wish for all the whiskey that they want. So love this woman by wishing her an end to her self-esteem issues and listen to Saint Tommy  or even John Lennon. "All you need is love."

If you retaliate in any way, you can bet any amount of money that she will make you look like a jerk.  No retaliation = no chance she can make you look bad.  Let it go and stay away from her.  Dont' even worry about it anymore.  And don't complain to your husband about it (congrats, btw!), men rarely care about girl stuff like this.  You know it's truly over when you don't want to talk about it anymore.  Get one more good vent out with a girlfriend or a sister or something, and then it's done.  Good luck on your married life!!!