- 6 years ago
I’ve recently reconnected with a group of friends (2 guys and a girl). One of the guys lives in another state and is starting to plan weekend trips to visit the rest of us every other month or so (or once every three months). When he comes to town, it’s usually a weekend event: dinner Friday, brunch Saturday, hangout Saturday, dinner Saturday, brunch Sunday.
There have been only 2 visits, but more pending. On the first visit, Darling Husband met up with us on Saturday night. Mostly to meet the two guys (he already knew the girl). He liked them, but they weren’t people he’d be dying to spend time with again.
On the most recently weekend visit, I didn’t attend the Friday dinner, attended the Saturday events (DH wasn’t available in the morning, but was for dinner – and, at the last minute, opted not to attend). Same thing happened on Sunday, I went – Darling Husband was invited, but he decided not to go.
After all was said and done, Darling Husband was giving me attitude. When we talked about it he said he was surprised I went on Sunday, since I had seen them all day on Sunday.
Typically, Darling Husband doesn’t care what I do socially and has never told me to not do something. So, it was surprsing to me that he got so bent out of shape about it.
I’m trying to figure out what to do in the future. I know that if I told Darling Husband I wanted to spend time with these people, he wouldn’t say not to do it. DH is always invited, but I’m also not going to push him to be with people he doesn’t want to be.
Have you ever been in this type of situation?
I’m thinking about either:
-just telling Darling Husband what to expect (ie: this weekend, I’m hanging out with X while they are in town and you are welcome to come with, but I understand if you don’t).
-Carving out time for Darling Husband within the weekend: ie: spend time with Darling Husband on Friday, hang with them on Saturday, spend time with Darling Husband on Sunday
-asking Darling Husband to give hanging with the group another try (although, this would be very forced, if he isn’t willing to do it on his own): sometimes it takes a few times for Darling Husband warm up to new people. These people really want to get to know him, but I’ve noticed (generally speaking) especially with my single guys friends, he’s really hesitant to forge new friendships with them.
I’m already feeling stressed about the next visit… and how it will work out. When Darling Husband and I talked about the previous visit – he kept saying “I didn’t expect you to spend that much time with them” – even though, I had told him what I was planning to do and he didn’t say anything about it. He assumed I would change my mind.