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I would completely say something like "We're so happy that you'll be there! Wow, I really love that dress you're wearing. Where did you get it at?" and change the topic.
Probably not the best approach, but I don't like questions like that either...
Hmm. That's hard. I'd normally answer with "Whatever you feel comfortable with giving. This can mean different things for different people and there's no definite set amount for a wedding - but if you really aren't sure then our registry will give you a good idea" or something along those lines. I don't know if that helps.
First of all, no couple (or attendants, etc for that matter) should ever be asked that question. It is up to the guest to decide what they personally can afford and want to give. If they persist, continue to ignore their crazy questions. Unfortunately some people don't get a hint and it's rude for you to come out and say certain things in return.
i think the ONLY thing you can say is "we just want you there to celebrate with us!" or something along those lines...if they persist, you can direct them to your mom or MOH or their own parents/friends (or weddingbee) for guidance.
I think your answers are perfect. There is no other way to answer that kind of question.
@Selene221:Whilst I agree that it's a question that shouldn't be asked I don't think it's fair for the couple to just not answer the question. I had some friends who came to my wedding who'd never been to one before and wanted to know how to dress and if they were expected to bring a gift, etc. There's no harm in gently helping them along. Just my 2 cents.
It's one thing to ask how to dress, etc but it's something else entirely to ask how much the couple wants as a cash gift. The first is perfectly ok, the second isn't.
@Selene221:I agree that it's an awkward question. I'm just saying that I think any question from someone who hasn't been to a lot of weddings does deserve to be answered - even if it's a vague, "well we'd like anything off our registry" just to help them out.
I agree with that sentiment, which is why tangible store registries are much prefered instead of cash gifts by the majority of guests in real life, even if the online community doesn't believe that to be the case at all. It eliminates the awkwardness that is nearly always accompanied by cash gifts.
I think your answer is perfect too. However, if your social group hasn't done many weddings yet, I can understand how the discussion comes up. Nobody wants to look cheap or over-extravagant. If someone is insistent, then just say, "whatever is in your budget or we would be honored if you made a donation in our name to such and such charity"
I'd probably just fake ignorance and say "I don't know either!" and say perhaps they should look online or ask for advice elsewhere (from another family member of yours or their own parents or something)? That way I don't have to tell them haha
I agree with deathbydesign. "I don't know either... Maybe we should google it." And then don't, and hope they google it without you.
But then again, I say to google everything.
There''s really no other polite way to answer other than what you've been answering. Just stick to your stock answers and eventually people will realize you're not going to give them a specific dollar amount.
I just couldn't imagine asking! My brother did ask me, but that was because he was offering me a monetary gift early to acutally help with wedding expenses. He wanted to know how much I needed. I really had no clue what he was capable of, so I out right said, I am not giving you a dollar amount and whatever amount you give will help. He gave me $300! So, in his case I understand asking, I mean as my brother and for his purpose it made sense for him.
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A number of our friends haven't been to weddings before (or went as kids with their parents, so didn't give a separate gift). More than once, FI and I have been asked point-blank, "How much would be the right amount for a wedding gift?"
I've tried vague answers like "we're just happy you're coming, and we're grateful for whatever you decide." Or "we'd love anything off our registry" etc. But they persist in asking for a specific dollar figure!!!
My bridesmaids have gotten these questions as well - and also tried to give vague answers like "Here are different approaches you could take to thinking about this..." But again, this didn't seem to be enough - the guests would either persist in their questioning or go ask me.
I understand sort of where they're coming from...but it puts me in an awkward situation. I have an idea of how much FI and I think is an appropriate wedding gift (i.e. what we usually give), but it just seems wrong to tell guests how much they "should" give us. Any other ways I can deal with this question?