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I don't think you really can. I know some churches have "Cry Rooms" where parents of small children can sit and watch the ceremony through a window, perhaps look into this and see if your Church/ceremony venue offer anything like that.
@JustMarried51912: I don't have much advice, but I think that statement is very polite, and not rude at all. However, if I read that I wouldn't think "Okay, they want me to reign my children in." I wouldn't really know what you mean by it. If anything, I'd think you're talking about over-indulging in alcohol or something like that.
If your guest list is small enough, you could try to pass the word along to guests with children without putting it on the website at all. You could just say something along the lines of "I just want to make sure everyone knows that there won't be any activities for children or anything to keep them occupied." They can take that to mean "leave them at home" or "be prepared to entertain/ control them all night."
I'm not having children at the ceremony either! We put something along the lines of "Due to the intimate nature of the ceremony, seating will be available for adults only. All welcome to the reception.". No complaints yet! The 'no kid' suggestion came from my FI cousin who has 2 kids and just wants to enjoy the wedding without their kids.
I'm not sure how to word it exactly (what you've written above probably wouldn't make me think you were talking about kids), but I just wanted to say that from my experience, many guests won't ever look at your wedding website. If they do, they definitely won't read every word of it.
If you're really set on getting the word out... I think word of mouth or signs at the ceremony or something would probably be more successful than a statement on your website.
Thanks ladies those are some good ideas.
@bluebonnet: Those are great ideas I will have to look into some signs. Thanks
I think word of mouth is a good option. Also, as a contingency (hopefully you don't need it), perhaps you can talk to your close friends and family (mom, aunts, etc.) and have them be prepared so that if the day of the wedding they see any unattended children, they escort the child back to their parents. At least that way if it does happen, it gets addressed quickly without you having to scramble around
We are writing on our website 'while children are more than welcome at our wedding, should your child become upset during the ceremony, we respectfully ask that you remove them to the foyer.'
We are providing some activities for the little ones during the reception, and there is only 1 child I'm worried about causing a scene, but I plan to tell FMIL to scoop that kid up and remove him if FI's cousin won't control her son.
The main problem for children is that weddings are boring. So what you could do is provide some entertainment for them during the service and reception. Maybe a creche room where there are loads of activities, professional childcarers to watch them and attend to their needs, their own table to eat at away from the main reception. You could write in your invitation something along the lines of this:
"This is a really special day for us, and we would love for you to be a part of it. We understand that weddings can be a long day for the kids so we will be providing a creche service so that your whole family can enjoy the day as much as we do."
I think it's fine. Perhaps if you change the word 'controlled' to 'peaceful' ....
Just included a clause you invites say that everyone is required to take a shot at the door????....I would so do that....is that tacky, cause actually after typing it I wanna do that. I mean if I wasn't eloping, I would and the shots could match my wedding colors whic works because we could use appletinis. I'm freaking brilliant.......
As someone whose wedding vows were ruined by a screaming baby, I would have been clear on my invites that kids weren't invited. I was lucky, my ex H's parents paid for the wedding. If I had spent 18 thou and it had happened I would be even more livid than I still am when I think of it (10 years later).
I would say something like "The bride & groom respectfully request that anyone under the age of ___ refrain from attending the ceremony. Additionally, for the enjoyment and safety of all guests, we ask that all children be supervised for the entirety of the reception."
@CarolinaCola: I wouldn't really know what you mean by it. If anything, I'd think you're talking about over-indulging in alcohol or something like that.
GRRR! Wedding bee keeps eating my posts. But I agree with CarolinaCola. I would think you meant people having too many. Which is something you may want to aviod as well. No one likes adults fighting and puking in the hall.
People have given great advice on how to keep kids occupied, but to be honest, it doesn't sound like you want them there, so why do it? Wouldn't a lot of parents like a kid free night? Plus, I think some people might view the inclusion of any such statement on appropriate behavior as passive agressive and offensive. People get weird about their kids and the possibility of anyone thinking their kids aren't well behaved. Also, people's ideas of behaving can be really varied. I honestly think that if there's any way of just not including kids you should go that route. You don't want kids there, and it's your wedding! I really feel that anyone who is going to be offended that they can't bring their kids to your wedding is going to also be offended at that statement.
I'd probably say "During the ceremony, a cry room will be open for wiggly kids to help keep the atmosphere reverent" or something like that. But if I'm having kids at my reception, I'm not going to tell parents how to handle their own children. If you're going that far and it's cauing this much stress, make it child free.
Is there some way you could hire guardians or babysitters to entertain the kids and keep them from being underfoot?
The problem is mom and FMIL are helping a bit with the wedding and they will not allow me to have no children there. I HAVE to allow the kiddies. Another issue is I don't want to spend any money on entertaining the kids or hiring a babysitter. I already cut some things out of my wedding I would rather have because of cost, and putting money towards the kids as I am already paying for their food seems like an unnecessary expense. I believe it is the parent's job to be sure if they are bringing their kids along that the kids are behaving. They need to be responsible but some people these days have no control over their kids. My mom's friend who has twins are the ones I am worried about the most. She is a obilivous mother who lets her kids do whatever they want. And I did not even want to invite them. And there are going to be a couple of babies there as well who could scream during ceremony ugh.
Ceremony is outside of building so no crying room but if baby gets fussy they could go in.
You need to be very careful here.
This is what I have said on our wedding website, I've posted it under FAQ:
'The invitations
Everyone is welcome to attend and witness our ceremony at the Church. In regards to the reception, all invited guests will have their names printed on their invitation. We will be posting all invitations a few months before our wedding date.'
Hopefully everyone can and will read between the lines. Hope this helps.
Have you actually discussed your concerns with your mother and FMIL about exactly why you don't want kids there? I know people do this all the time, but I really feel like any money that is being given for your wedding should be given because they want to help you out and not because they want an excuse to dictate how things should be done. I realize that is probably naive because I suppose most people want to have an input on how their money is spent, but I really have an issue with that. It's a gift after all.
If you have already done that and they are still demanding that kids be allowed to attend, then maybe you should spend the money on activities that will keep kids quiet and occupied. You can probably find some cheap coloring books and crayons or even make copies at a Kinkos of something for them to color. You should be able to do that for under $10. Or tell your M/FMIL that since they want the kids there, they need to come up with something to keep them occupied. My sister made kits for the kids at her wedding. It had things like crayons, coloring books, play dough, little cars, etc. To be honest, I'm not sure they were used but there weren't any kids that misbehaved either. They were running around (they are kids after all and it's going to happen) but it was an outdoors venue and it wasn't disruptive.
I just flat out told everyone with kids that we were not having ANY childern at any part of the wedding and I want it to be an enjoyable night our for adults. I dont have a problem with children I just dont think they belong at a fancy evening event- Ours went out as word of mouth, so I didnt have to write in anywhere but gave people plenty of time to get a sitter. Also on the invites we will say WE HAVE RESERVED ____ (insert number of people I am inviting) of seats for you. This this way there is no confusion.
We did not want children in my daughter's wedding ceremony so we hired nursery workers for the ceremony. We ended up with about 15 children under the age of 4 in there.
Worked well.
Had a nice person (read also "bouncer") at the front door of the church who let them know about the nursery and we also put into the wedding invitation "Nursery provided for ceremony".
:-)
If you don't want any children at all---make sure you do not put the child's name anywhere on the invitation. Most 'normal' people should read this and "get it".
If you're afraid that won't work---maybe put into the invitation "No nursery provided". Also another subtle hint.
Not sure how to tastefully add "leave your kids at home" to the invitation. LOL
I'm not sure you can throw people out at the door---our fear too was that people would refuse the nursery, but they didn't. Maybe it helped that we had a nursery and noted it in the invite.
Another suggestion was to tastefully let your friends know that children were not going to be allowed.
Weddings are very expensive----you are NOT wrong for not wanting small children there!
I wanna do a babysitter. I'll even pay for it to have my peace!
@lisampson: We paid two teenagers (very responsible and good kids) from our church and they did an outstanding job. Not sure how much we paid them ($25 maybe) for the ceremony only. It worked well. Quiet and nice ceremony. I think the parents liked it too. Did not have anyone refuse to use the service either.
Had another friend who did the same thing but had a couple who were rather tacky about not wanting to take their toddler to the nursery. The child ended up crying and having to leave their ceremony.
Since it's outside, could you get a tent with some tables and stuff, and so if they do need to leave, they can walk away to another wedding area?
Thanks ladies for all of the suggestions. I just talked to my wedding planner and she told me not to worry. She has staff on hand equipped to deal with this sort of thing. So hopefully potential disaster avoided. Thanks again
You could even see about having an area set aside for kids if they get out of hand, and have the staff of your venue/wedding planner let guests with kids know as they arrive that there is a special area for kids if they get bored or antsy. I was worried about the exact same thing, and so we opted for no kids outside of the wedding party. Of course, my FMIL is demanding that I make exceptions for one or two kids- making me NUTS!
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I am looking for some help in wording some info for my Wedding Website. I am trying to be nice but this can be a difficult subject.
My fiance and I are getting married this May and we would have orginally preffered not to have children at our wedding considering I am not the biggest fan of kids, we don't plan on having any, and I would probably go nuts on someone and their kid if they did anything to ruin my wedding. This can include crying during ceremony, running rampid at cermony or reception, stepping on my dress, destroying anything and doing anything at all to take the spotlight.
The problem is I do not have any choice in the matter because most of my close family has children. So not having children there is not an option. However I think what concerns me the most is parents not being in control of their children. It's not like there is going to be a sea of children at the wedding, but the potential for chaos is really looming over me. I am not spending $18,000+ on my wedding to have it ruined by unruly children.
I was trying to figure out a nice way to word something like : The bride and Groom would appreciate if the guests could be respectful of their wishes for a quiet respectful ceremony, and controlled reception. We appreciate your cooperation. Thank you
Just asking if any other brides have any ideas on how to nicely word something like this I just want to give a reminder to the parents bringing their kids to keep the kiddies in check.