What's going on with my fiancé!?!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

This makes me sad, he should be excitedly planning his future with you… Not googling that stuff.  It’s safe to say he’s attracted to her and has a bit of a crush.  I can’t speak to how serious it is, but you are totally justified in being worried.

Post # 3
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Snooping aside, I am not sure what you think you have to lose at this time by telling him what you know. 

Post # 4
Member
4900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He’s putting a lot of energy into trying to figure out if this other woman wants him rather than into your relationship & wedding.

I’m sorry, but his interest lies elsewhere.  I think you need to talk to him.

Post # 5
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

It’s a bit suspicious, but it could be nothing. I mean, he may just be googling it because he wants to know whether he should be trying to keep his distance from her or something, not because he’s planning to make a move.

I think you should just mention what you saw and have a proper discussion with him about it. At the very least, you should talk about why you haven’t set a date yet and whether his feelings are still the same. Hope it all works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ericaincinci:  That seems shady, almost like he has a schoolboy crush on this girl and wants to know if she’s into him too. 

Of course you need to say something to him about it; especially since he felt the need to change all his passwords recently. Are you afraid of his reaction or trying to wait until you see more signs? In any event, you obviously don’t trust him fully so that needs to be addressed.

Post # 7
Member
8018 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

The changing password thing kind of confirms he’s up to no good. Id call out him on it asap.

Post # 8
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

First all, congrats on the engagement and your new home! 

Second, I am sorry that you have come across this. I do not judge anyone for snooping- like you said, you just had some feeling something was not right.

I would give it another week or two and see if anything changes, or gets worse. If things stay the same, You do need to confront him about what you found, and at first you will look like an ass for going through his things but explain to him why you did it. Explain to him how he acted all different and gave you the reason to think something was u. Feel him out on it, and changing all his passwords is not cool. I underand you both need your privacy on some things- but when you get married you shouldnt be hiding anything from eachother.

 

Good luck girly, I know situations like this are never easy!

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do you see the irony here? You want honesty from him about something he’s done that upsets you, yet you don’t want to be honest with him about something you’ve done (snooping) that will upset him.You need to own the fact that you snooped: it’s the only way to get real answers about what’s going on.

Post # 10
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How exactly do you know this is about a work colleague? If he just typed in the things as you wrote them he could very well be typing them about you, the postman or your bestfriend.

If it is about a work colleague he could also be trying to work out if he is imagining things or if she really is coming on to him. 

But I agree with sara_tiara:  it sounds like there is no trust.

Post # 11
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like he has a crush. Which can be harmless, as long as he doesn’t act on it — most of us would be hardpressed to say we had no attraction to anyone else while in a longterm committed relationship.

Talk to him. Not in an accusatory way, but in a truly curious and concerned kind of way. If it isn’t made into a big deal, there’s a chance he’ll fully disclose his feelings to you and you can then start to work on it and move past it.

Post # 12
Member
15 posts
Newbee

The reality of getting married might just be setting in and he may just be going through the process of trying to come to terms with the fact that he will only be with you now for the rest of his life. 

That being said, I think you have every right to be concerned and have an open and honest talk with him, but let him explain his side before you start jumping to conclusions. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

Talk to him, dont start your life together with dishonesty and deceit.

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