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If he wasnt raised Catholic or doesnt know any of the traditions then what is the point of including any? And please do not receive communion if you are not Catholic and not in the proper state to receive. That is definately NOT Catholic tradition and a horrible sin. Sorry, dont mean to preach, but I am traditional Catholic and will be having a Mass for my wedding. I think if Catholisism is of no significance to either of you it is not neccesary to incorporate any Catholic traditions.
communion would have to be in a church...the catholic part of my wedding has turned out to be the most stressful part since our priest (my fiances teacher from his catholic school days) said that he could only officiate inside a catholic church and not all churches are open to non-parishoners...but its important to us so it will be worth it!
How about playing some of those beautiful old church songs, like Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring or Ave Maria during the ceremony? (Seriously, what's more Catholic than Ave Maria?) If you go with an instrumental version of those songs, people familiar with the Catholic Church will recognize them and be a little more at ease during a Jewish ceremony, but those who aren't in the know won't know the difference.
One other idea-- there are lots of Catholic traditions that are regionally connected. For example, in Mexican Catholic wedding ceremonies, there's a part where the couple kneels and is encircled with a giant rosary. (This part is called el lazo.) It symbolizes the couple uniting as one. Maybe you could do the same with a rope or beautiful string of beads and have some sort of prayer about the unity of the new couple. Just look for wedding traditions in regions/countries that are predominantly Catholic-- chances are the traditions are Catholic ones. You might find one you like that can be adapted to what works for you as a couple.
Ooo, this a toughie. It's hard to say what Catholic traditions can be included in a non-Catholic wedding. Most of the traditions are tied closely to the readings and the actual Mass. As far as Communion, this I can say is a big no go unless there is a Mass.
What culture/ethnicity is your FI? I only ask because some cultures have special variations included within the Mass itself. I'm Filipino and we have the veil and cord traditions which is more cultural than it is religious.
Communion isn't really an option. I don't think our rabbi would be qualified to give it, and no one but the groom's mother would be qualified to receive it.
The point, alishadhs4, is that his family is Catholic and we both believe that weddings should honor our families and the expectations of our respective communities. I was raised Jewish, but I no longer practice--a Jewish wedding is still very important to my family. No one expects a Catholic wedding from us, but we know that something that acknowledges his family's background would be very important and meaningful to his mother.
If it helps, his family is Scandinavian (mostly Danish).
@redseattle: Those are great ideas. :) I am looking for regional traditions, but am finding a lot of "planting a tree" outside our home (we live in an apartment in an urban area!)! The music would definitely work, though.
I agree that some traditional hymns would be a good way to go. Could you also consider a reading that's more traditionally included in a Catholic mass?
sorry i just had to giggle about Communion - as it is essentially the most distinguishing difference between Jewish and Catholic faiths. Yeah, definitely going to say no on the accord, especially if your guests have not received the sacrament of Holy Communion (they may not know the difference).
I would suggest a hymn or a reading. Presenting flowers to the Blessed Mother may be another option. Another idea is being sure to do prayer intentions.
This is kind of tough because unlike Judaism, Catholic is much more religious focused and very less cultural (I know people who are Jewish more on a cultural level and not a religious level but I don't think I know any Catholics who are Catholic on a cultural level - does that make sense?)
What about the lighting of the unity candle? Or is this done in the Jewish faith as well? If you did this, traditionally Ave Maria is played - very beautiful song. Just a suggestion.
I would also suggest a reading that is 'typical' at Catholic wedding ceremonies - maybe the love is patient one - that is one of my favorites. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Hmmm, maybe you could include one of the cores beliefs of Catholicism? Like in Catholicism one of the most important understandings is the sense of community and the connection humans have to one another and to God. So you could have a prayer or brief reading about the importance of a strong sense of community and how that support will strengthen your marriage.
Also, one of my favorite parts of our ceremony was the nuptial blessing. After we were married, the priest prayed over us, and it was a really special moment. :)
Or maybe you could carry a rosary, or have one entwined in your bouquet? I think it would be especially meaningful if you could borrow one from a friend or family member.
My favorite part of Catholic mass is the sign of the peace. For the non-Catholics out there, the priest gives the congregation a chance to shake hands, kiss, hug, or whatever with their neighbors, while usually saying "Peace be with you."
I especially love it at weddings because it gives the bride and groom a chance to greet their bridal party, families, etc. sitting in the front pews. I'm getting teary eyed thinking of doing that at my own wedding :)
Anyway, you could have the rabbi explain the tradition or something. It's definitely not religious and is a very nice gesture. Not sure if that already exists in Jewish weddings but it's worth a shot!
I think it's called the prayer of the faithful, when they read the names of the recently departed/ill/etc? It's a nice way to honor deceased relatives and others. My brother will be deployed during our wedding, so we will mention him in this way (my ceremony will not be Catholic). And since the response is "Lord hear our prayer," it shouldn't step on the toes of the Jewish ceremony.
Like others have said, Catholicism is far less of a cultural identity as Judaism. The mass IS Catholicism, unlike the protestant faiths. It's all about the communal aspect of the worship.
Yeah I would go with the sign of peace. People just turn to their neighbors shake hands (hug/cheek kiss if its family) and say peace be with you. It just a nice little thing and not very religious at all actually.
You guys are SO helpful! I'm going to ask FI's mom if she has a rosary she'd like to lend (something borrowed AND something Catholic! ;). FI likes the unity candle idea, and the 'prayer of the faithful' (as diorable suggested) is also part of Jewish weddings ('azkarah') so we'll just add in a second explanation to the program. :) The sign of peace seems pretty safe, too.
Thank you all!
I agree that the Sign of Peace and the Prayers of the Faithful are good additions.
However, I would like to point out that while the sign of peace may not *seem* religious, the intent behind it is very Catholic. It is usually held immediately before communion, and signifies " the peace of Christ, flowing from the holy sacrifice upon the altar and the source of our mutual peace and charity," rather than a mere joyful exchange of human greetings. "The peace exchanged is the Lord's peace coming from the sacrifice of the altar. An exchange of the sign of peace without an invitation from the altar in a way changes the symbolic value of the rite and could reduce it to signify merely human benevolence." (See http://www.ewtn.com/library/Liturgy/zlitur137.htm )
I still think it would be appropriate to offer it, as long as you keep in mind that taking it out of the context of communion does change the meaning somewhat. If there will be a Catholic priest or lay deacon in attendance (someone you want to honor), it would be appropriate to ask them to initiate it. We had a Cathollic service without a communion mass (so we also took it out of context), and included this explanatory text in our program: "The Rite of Peace follows, by which the Church asks for peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family. At the direction of the deacon, worshipers are invited to express to each other their ecclesial communion and mutual charity. You may greet your neighbors with a handshake or an embrace, and the words, "Peace be with you," to show your peace and love."
I also agree with the other posters who suggested looking into Danish cultural traditions, rather than religious ones, if it is your fiance's culture you are trying to honor. You can always ask your fiance's family if they have any traditions they would like included!
I love the idea of having a Sign of Peace and Ave Maria played at the wedding.
However, I would like to point out that a Unity Candle is NOT a Catholic tradition, does not fit into the mass, and is discouraged at traditional Catholic weddings.
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FI and I are having a rabbi officiate our wedding, but he comes from a Catholic background and would like to include something in our ceremony that reflects his family and heritage. We absolutely can't afford a co-officiant, but our rabbi is willing to be *very* flexible and will include almost anything we ask. With that said, is there anything (less religious and more cultural) that is just a must-have at Catholic weddings? He wasn't raised Catholic and he doesn't know any of the traditions, so I am turning to you, oh hive, to enlighten me. :) Help!!
UPDATED to note: we're not looking at what is most important in terms of the Catholic religion, but rather what non-religious elements are common in Catholic weddings. Ex: in Jewish weddings, we break a glass at the end of the ceremony, but it's not a religious tradition, just a cultural one borne out of custom. Thanks!