Post # 1
Newly engaged and friends are giving us a hard time. This is the background. Two separate set of couples/friends have every similar tastes in things, music, movies, hobbies, and interests with their husbands/wives. My fiance and I on the other hand have lots of different interests and hobbies from each other. While there are things we like to do with each other, there are also things that we like to do that the other person doesn’t necessarily like to or even can participate in. The main thing about us is that we get along and like each other for each other’s personalities and who each other is as a separate person. Some of our married friends think this is a bad thing that we have different hobbies and interests from each other and they think this may cause future problems. So I’m just wondering what you all think about this one… When it really comes down to it, what is more important for compatibility in a relationship and marriage- what you like or what you’re like? Please share your thoughts!!!
also, I’m wondering if anyone knows this… is that a quote from both the movie/book High Fidelity (pro what you like argument) and the movie/book Fight Club (anti what you like argument) or just from High Fidelity– I can’t remember
I’m wondering especially because when I tried to look up the quote from the movies about this I found lots of different opinions that people would put up in posts. I even read that Roger Ebert once said that he would never date anyone who did not love his favorite movie– people change but your love of art never changes.
Post # 3
I don’t think I understand the question.
Post # 6
Are you asking is it more important to share interests and things you like and enjoy or is your personality more important as in what you are like as a person? Need some clarification 🙂
Post # 6
Hmmm, I don’t think I get it either.
Post # 7
I think june is right. I think she’s asking if similar interests are better or similar personalities.
Post # 8
Not sure what you are asking… but I think compatible personalities (not necessarily the “same” personalities though) are very important. Shared interests are nice, but I don’t think they are essential… as long as there are a few things you like to do together.
Post # 9
Sorry everyone for my typo!!!! My mistake!!!
Post # 10
My FI and I share similar family backgrounds, values, etc but we also have interests and hobbies that we do separately. I think it adds more texture to our relationship. We certainly have more stories to tell each other b/c we aren’t doing every single thing together or spending every waking moment together. We respect and value each other’s differences so it doesn’t cause issues for us. I think maintaining your individuality is a good thing.
Post # 11
I remember this from High Fidelity … “I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like… Books, records, films — these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life.”
I think having some things in common is very helpful at the beginning of a relationship but I find it’s less and less important. One of the things that brought us together was bonding over a favorite band. Six years later, I realize that my FI and I definitely like SOME of the same movies, music and books but sometimes our tastes are so different, it amazes me that we get along at all. I think what really keeps us together is our love, appreciation and total acceptance of one another…even if it means listening to noise rock once in awhile.
Post # 12
I voted what you’re like & I understood the question. I think you can edit your poll if its confusing others, but you have to do it soon, I think you have about an hour to edit things.
I think that having seperate hobbies is very important. As long as you can take interest in some of his hobbies & he with yours, that’s all you need. Doing every single thing together isn’t as healthy as it sounds. Maybe the two of you can find a new hobby you both enjoy if you don’t like each other’s hobbies. Its only not a good sign if you hate each other’s hobbies & don’t let each other do their own thing. Sounds like you two aren’t like that :).
My husband & I have most things in common, but there are things that he likes that I don’t. Like sports, ohh they drive me crazy, but he loves basketball! Sometimes I’ll do one of my own hobbies while he’s watching basketball… or sometimes I’ll make myself watch it with him. I don’t enjoy basketball itself, but I love being around him & spending time together. Also, photography. He loves photography as much as I do, but sometimes I like doing that hobby alone. At times we’ll go out together, other times it will be just me. When you’re with someone who loves something you’re not really intersted in, than you can start to enjoy it too. Hobbies change, core ones usually stay the same, but smaller ones can change & new ones can develop.
Personality is key & the most important, even if you don’t like all the same things. Or, you can have someone like every single thing you do but he doesn’t make you laugh at all, or he’s a jerk to you. Usually, for independant people (myself included), its very important to have your own seperate hobbies & not do everything together. Some people just don’t understand that.
Post # 13
i understand the question
i think it comes down to what you’re like, but on a more values-based perspective rather than hobbies. You can have different hobbies and like different things, as long as what you’re like from a value base is respect of someone elses’ hobbies and interests.
to try and say it a different way, two people with differnet hobbies/interests may work well, or may not work well at all, but i dont think the hobbies is the reason they work or dont work, i think its deeper than that, and more about their independence, how they view relationships etc
Post # 14
My FH and I have very different backgrounds. And as a result we have a lot of different things we enjoy doing. So when one of us wants to do one of those things then either the other will go along or the other will do something that isn’t a shared interest. We have lots of common interests and do lots of things together that way but also get some valued alone time to do stuff we enjoy singly.
Post # 15
I think some of the examples given, especially books and movies and music, reveal more about your personalities than your interests do. Someone who likes my favorite media is likely to gel with my personality. However, interests and hobbies are things to do that might not say a lot about your personality. Someone who loves camping could be liberal or conservative, outgoing or shy etc. So I would say Roger Ebert, who said he could never marry someone who didn’t like his favorite movie, agrees with most of us bees who say personalities are more important than interests.