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Yes, oh yes yes. Here is the most recent post I wrote about it...which links to three other posts I've written! I'm easing into it going for First MyLast HisLast. Maybe one day I'll transistion to MyFirst HisLast...but I have no idea. I'm seeing how three names goes for now. good luck!
I like having his last name. The more that I say it, the more natural and easy it becomes. Though I do find it strange now that some people just call me Mrs. Husband's First and Last. That sort of annoys me because I do still have my own first name!
Thanks for posting this @bluestuff...I'm in a similar quandry (for roughly the same reasons - I'm just really attached to my lastname, having been me for over 30 years), so I'm curious to see the responses.
I'm not married. ive thought about this though. i love my last name "Winnings" but would want to honor my husband by taking his name and also it would be easier if we had kids to all have the same last name. my first name doesnt go with his last name though so thats a bummer but i wouldnt want to hyphenate. im thinking about about making my last name a second middle name and having his last name for a total of four names when im married(first middle middle last). im not sure if thats possible though? haha
Wow, quick responses! Thank you! I'm glad I'm not alone here.
@dorsay Wow, sounds like this really was a tough decision for you. I just love that you let fate decide.
I've been contemplating dropping my middle name and changing my last name to my middle, then taking his last name. I do know that my middle name is from a relative....I don't feel particularly attached to the name since I don't sign it or use it on any paperwork unless I have to. I'd go by Bluestuff His Last Name. But I'd still have My Last Name for me. And I suppose I could just sign all 3 names :)
Like others, I like the idea of children just having one name. I really don't want them to get confused.
Sigh.
took his last name. my last name was hard to pronounce and spell and I always wanted to get rid of it!
I took my hubby's last name, but kept my maiden name as one of my middle names. When I feel like it I write it or sign it as First Maiden Married, but if I'm being lazy then I just do First Married...it was shocking, strange, and I missed my name even though I didn't think I would, but now I'm pretty much used to my new last name.
@jwinnigns I have four names, do to the Social Security office first to have it done. Don't let the DMV push you around!
Now that I work more with databases, I'm finding the 4 names to pain. My mother warned em of the database downside, but I still think that's the system's fault, not mine.
Our kids will likely have three or four names, first middle mylast hislast and we don't know if they'll go by "first mylast hislast" or "first hislast". We're several years away from the reality of children...
I understand that its scary to take a new last name. I was nervous about it at first because it is such a huge part of my identity, but then I considered that I'm going from the most common name in the US to a virtually non existant last name and I got pretty excited. New last name, new life, just get excited!
I just got married in the fall. I chose to keep my last name for a few reasons....
1. I have my doctorate. I credit my parents with the reason I have gotten so far in life, and i want them to have the title DR. with their last name. i met my hubby as I was finishing up my degree.
2. My husband's ex-wife does the same job as me. (I know her), and pretty much everyone in the field knows each other in the area who does it.... SO.... I wanted to keep my reputation. She used his last name and has her own reputation.... I prefer my reputation if you catch my drift.
3. Professionally I will keep my maiden name. Socially, I will use my husbands name. I will say when you get your checks from the wedding this creates some confusion but you go to the bank and create an alternative alias.... and it's fine... doesn't matter who the guests make the checks out to.
4. When kids enter the picture this can also be hairy. For our kids sake, I plan to go by my husband's name. so when they are in school, I will be Mrs. hislast name..... however, when I go to work, I will be Dr. My last name. I did not change my name formally... nor will I... I will just use his name socially. (this year we have gotten tons of christmas cards to mr. and mrs. hislastname... it doesn't bother me....) My professionally I choose to keep my name
It's your choice... more and more people are choosing to keep your own name... it's not a big deal. go with what you feel more comfortable with.
i am not married but i plan to change my name. ever since i was a little girl, i planned to change my name...but then, it was an actual reality! i really had a hard time committing to changing my name once it began to be a real conversation - it felt like being traded from my family to his, losing my identity (all the sports clothing etc with my name on it!), feeding into male-dominated tradition...and then, it just made sense to me. We are going to become our own family, I like his last name, and it will become my new identity in time I am sure. I have also decided to use my new last name for something in the wedding - like the big reveal! I think you definitely have to be comfortable with your decision though - maybe try writing your new signature a few times or creating a new email (i definitely haven't done either or those things yet...;) ). Good luck!
Yes, it gets easier. I still have my maiden name as a second middle name, but I don't use it much. I like knowing it's there though. If it's a decision you're sure on but it's just hard getting started, take heart, it will get easier!
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.
@eriqua Such a good idea to practice signing my first name with his last name! I think that will really help.
@chelseamorning Thanks for the encouragement. I think with anything new, it will just take some time to get used to it. Besides, everytime I use his club card at the supermarket, I get a "Thank you Mrs. His Last Name. Have a great day!"....And I kinda like it :)
The more I think about it, the more I like My First Name, My Last Name, His Last Name. Now I have to decide if I need to ask my parents if they mind if I drop my current Middle.
I kept my last name during my first marriage (which lasted nearly 20 years) and kept it again this time. To my mind, starting a marriage by having you change your name (often making it impossible for old acquaintances even to find you again) while he keeps his is an incredible imbalance. (If you are honoring him by taking his last name, is he dishonoring you by not taking yours?) And if you have a professional reputation, that just adds to the reasons for not changing.
As for the children, my son was asked once in nursery school why I had a different last name from him. By the time he finished explaining all the people in his family who had different last names (me; all his aunts, uncles, and cousins; and two of his four grandparents) and all the ones who had the same last name (his father, sister, and two of his grandparents), no one ever asked him again. Honestly, children do understand that not everyone in the same family has the same last name, and it's just not that traumatic.
I have no intention of changing my name. It's who I am, and I don't believe that I should have to change my name to denote my marital status when my husband does not have to do the same. In my FI's culture, and the country where we now live, women never take their husband's family name. Children never have an identity crisis because their mother's have a different name. Actually, most of my friends come from cultures where women do not change their names (which are far more 'traditional' cultures than the culture we were raised in).
before Hubs and I even got married the Army referred to me as Mrs. HisLast. I was like "do you know something I don't?" but I am ok with it. I haven't changed my last name officially yet but I am going to. (we had a jp wedding and we are still doing our fairytale wedding)
Hi there! I just wanted to add my two cents to this discussion, as a person with a very long name (first name, two middle, and a last) and as a person whose mother kept her maiden name. I received my mother's maiden name as one of my middle names and my father's name as my last name (however, I always though that those two names were my LAST names until I actually saw my birth certificate a couple of years ago). Growing up my last name was different than my mothers (I went by a shortened name for school) and this WAS NEVER CONFUSING! I can't stress that enough. No one ever got confused or perplexed by this, and I was never traumatized by the situation. I am a perfect mixture of my parents and I wear their names with pride. So please do not give up your last name out of concern about confusion... I have never experienced any negativity concerning my name. Instead, it identified my as a proud member of both families.
Now though I don't know what to do about my name when I get married. I love my name. It's long and a pain, but its beautiful and it reflects my heritage. That said, I also would like to recognize the bond that my FI and I are creating... so do I tack on yet ANOTHER name to my already super-long name? Sigh, I have yet to decide what to do...
my initials spell out a pseudo ethnic slur :) try living with that. rhyming is kinda fun and i think it would be great! depends on your personality.
for some reason, i transitioned really well into my new last name. I don't know if it is because I happen to start a new job around the same time and so many people started off knowing me with the new last name but I rarely hesitate to say my new last name. but then again I wasn't quite fond or attached to my old last name, which I ended up keeping it and hyphening with my middle name.
I did decide to change my name and am glad that I did it. However, it is a big transition. It's been 7 months for me, and I'm just now starting to remember to say it when I introduce myself or leave a message. :) As a teacher, it's especially weird because people call you "Mrs. LastName" All the time, unlike most adults who go by their first names professionally. I'm finally getting to the point where I don't turn around and look for my MIL everytime a kid says my name. ;)
I changed my last name to his last name and never really thought about it much before the wedding. But on the day of our wedding, I FREAKED OUT when people started calling me my new name! It really bothered me. But slowly I got used to it and now I'm so glad I've gone "whole hog" in changing over to his name.
People have called me by all three names - Melissa Carver Morgan - my whole life. In high school it was always, "Hey, Melissa Morgan!" or just "Morgan" when someone saw me in the hall ... or my whole name. Carver is my dad's middle name. As far as my last name goes, I'm the last Morgan, seeing as I'm an only child, and I'm a girl.
Melissa Carver Morgan is such a part of me that when I get married, I'm just going to have two middle names and become Melissa Carver Morgan Glidden. I'll be known as Melissa Glidden, but for legal purposes, I'm keeping all my names, mostly to pay homage to my family.
So that's my plan! :)
I am worried about this too! I just feel bad about losing my tie to my family.
I might keep my maiden name socially to be Gemstone (Middle) Maiden HisLast. But legally, I will probably become Gemstone (Middle) HisLast just to simplify things.
I had no idea what I'm doing myself, most of my friends kept their last name, seems like the trend. I've decided to keep my last name and hyphen it with his last name! Done ;)
I'm not changing my name and it was a very easy decision - changing to his wasn't an option in my mind. I might have been able to get behind the idea of a shared new last name, but what was the point? My last name has nothing to do with my love for my fiance and having the same name doesn't validate our relationship.
I love the thought of having his last name!! On the invitations, I put my full name (prior to the wedding) and his full name "joyfully invite you to the wedding". I like having his last name, I've already put it on my business cars at work (because we have to order 1000 at a time & in 2 months I don't think I'll be through 1000). It goes well with my last name & honestly, it's a little easier AND I move up in the alphabet! :) I love the thought of being his wife, and the thought of having his last name. But, it's completely up to you. I know some women that still go by their maiden names or, like you said...hyphenate their names.
I can't wait to be the future Mrs. Sanders. I love his last name, and I don't really like mine, because my father and I have no contact or communication, so it is much better this way.
It means "Sander", a medieval term for "Alexander". And since Alexander "Lex" Luthor is my favorite villain from my favorite show called Smallville, it goes right in there! lol!
I'm keeping my last name. I'll be 33 when we get married and having to adjust to a new name would throw me out of whack. I also lived in Asia for a year (before moving here) where women didn't change their last names and I thought it was really cool!
I'm lucky cause people are really casual with the name changing here. For instance, his parent's chose to go with his father's mother's maiden name. They have strict name changing laws in this country and you can only change your name to something already in your family tree. Most people have very common surnames (something that ends with sson) so that's what motivated his parents to change it. In fact another one of his father's siblings took the name as well. They don't seem to have the same emotional association with taking the mans name here. My Fi laughed when I asked about him not being offended.
It really works because they don't address things like: Mr. and Mrs. Vitsippa. It's more like: First name Vitsippa and First name ThewonderfulFi.
But, I really do love his surname. When we have kiddies, maybe I'll consider adding his. No hyphen, just adding. They have longass names here too but they specify the used name early so NONE of your everyday docs will have your real, real name.
Both my husband and I kept our own names and frankly find the idea of changing a little perplexing. I personally do not like receiving cards addressed to Mrs. HisLast when I am not Mrs. HisLast. I am Ms. MyFirst MyLast ... I don't know why people don't ask. I understand why some people change, and I always ask what people would prefer to be called, make a note of it in my address book and carry on.
Btw, my mother had a different last name and I was never, never confused. No one else was either. Where did this idea come from? 'Do it for the kids'... mmhm.
I'm rambling, sorry.
You are all amazing! Thank you so much for contributing to the conversation. It's nice to know I'm not alone here.
I'm oober late... but I was intrigued by this post because I was actually talking about this with my FI the other night. I'm not planning on taking out my last name. I may hyphenate.
A couple of reasons... just like the previous posts said, it's hard to just change what's been part of my identity for so long. By hyphenating, I'm adding on to my identity, not taking it away.
More sentimentally, my parents never had sons (3 girls). I'm the oldest and feel like I should carry on the name. Funny enough, even my FI said he may not mind it if our children get their names hyphenated too. LOVE HIM!!
I'm probably old-fashioned, but i just changed last name when we got married. i can understand why some women don't, though.
I changed my last name when I got married and I have no regrets! I am still me regardless of whether I am addressed as Teri MaidenName or Teri MarriedName or Mrs. MarriedName. It was never a thought in my mind to not take my hubby's last name even though he offered to take mine if I wanted! :)
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Hi Ladies,
I'm getting married in May 2010 and am wondering if other ladies (married or otherwise) have already taken their husband's last name? How did you come to that decision? Do you miss having the last name you'd had since birth?
The reason I ask is because up until now, I thought I would be taking my future husband's last name. It's a good name that sounds right with my first name, and I've never felt like I need to hyphenate or that it's "wrong" to take his name. In fact, I think it's sweet.
Well, we're in the process of deciding what to put on one of the items for our wedding. Other couples have put Mr. and Mrs. New Last Name or John and Joan New Last Name. It didn't even occur to me to put my potential new last name. I just thought we'd be putting our first names.
I, uh, kind of freaked out a little at the thought of having my first name in print with his last name. Or Mr. and Mrs. Not Bluestuff. Not because I don't want to get married to him or because I dislike his name, but because I've been known as Bluestuff My Last Name for 30-something years.
What have other bees done? Does it get any easier to think of yourself as Mrs. His Last Name?
Thanks in advance,
Bluestuff