- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
So… when my Fiance and I first got engaged he said it was really important I take his last name. So important infact that he wasn’t sure we’d marry otherwise. I obviously told him that’s ridiculous and I asked, if it is SO important than what if I said it is really important to ME for you to take MY last name. I think it gave him so perspective.
After some back and forth we decided to both hyphenate. Reason being we are both becoming parts of eachothers family and starting our own family…
It was important to me that our kids have the same last name as us and that we are sending the message of marriage being about coming together and compromise, not dividing, and not one family being more important than the other.
Anywho, he agreed. I asked if he was sure, he said yes it’s a cool idea. I asked about 5 times over the last several months. He said for sure, so I ordered us some labels for our thank you cards (vista print was having a sale as always!)
Anywho, he went to lunch with his mom last friday.. then on Saturday out of the blue he told me he doesn’t want to hyphenate. that we would keep our own names and our kids could hyphenate but that he was born a last name M and will die a last name M. It was so out of the blue it stung, and I was mad he was going back on his word… I said we should both think about it and talk at a later time, but it hasn’t been brought up since. He gave reasons like “it’s too much paperwork” and “that’s not how it is supposed to be”… to me, those aren’t fair reasons.
Flash forward to today.
I find myself waking up thinking about it and being upset. This man gave me his word, and went back on it. He said he will never be a last name P (my last name) which was offensive as it felt he was rejecting my family… I’ve tried to explain he is not losing his last name but rather joining it with mine, just like we are joining our lives and our families. I also explained there isn’t THAT much paper work and there is the option to simply assume last names rather than legally change (the only difference is that the birth certificate stays the same).
I can’t help but feel his mom said something during their lunch date last friday…
I don’t want to give up my last name, as it ends with me (I’m an only child and all my cousins have changed their names already… I’m it) and I don’t feel okay really about us each keeping our “maiden” names and then ou r kids hyphenating (I don’t want to send the message that mommy and daddy couldn’t even come together in a name, and show division, I want us to be a unit)
This may be a stupid issue, but it’s bugging me? and I’m not sure what else to suggest… Anyone else been there? any advice?