Post # 1
Just taking a simple poll of the masses. What would be/is more important to you?
– A personal connection with the person delivering a standard, traditional ceremony they use for every wedding without room for customization
– A highly personalized ceremony that reflects you as a couple, read by a relative stranger
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Oh wait- can I vote twice? Cause I really like cheese-missed that one.
We’re not getting married in a church (in a museum), but we’re following a religious ceremony (United Methodist) almost 100%. However we are doing the alternative vows and no religious music.
My hometown minister will be performing the ceremony- I wanted someone whose preaching style I was familiar with, because he will be doing a brief (5 min or so) homily.
Post # 4
I know a lot of my friends have 100% personalized their ceremonies and I didn’t even notice. I think whatever you do for your ceremony will only really be remembered by the bride and groom, so choose what’s important to you.
I wasn’t allowed to personalize my ceremony at all or to even choose my recipient, so I guess neither was important to me? I liked how traditional it was.
Post # 5
I had a personal connection with the officiant and that’s what made it personal to us. But, it wasn’t a cookie cutter type service – it was personalized.
I’m not sure I could construct a personal ceremony (wording) to be read by a stranger and make it feel personal (if that makes any sense).
The ceremony already had personal elements (from how it was constructed and things we choose to do) – (aside from the content of the actual service).
We had many people tell us our ceremony was very intimate because they felt like they were experiencing something intimate between our officiant and us…. but, just having someone close to us read something cookie cutter wouldn’t feel right (IMO).
Post # 6
Can we get a both option which is what we had?
Post # 7
@StormyRose: I could do that but I’m curious what is more important to you, not what you ended up with.
The reason for this poll is because we had a HUGE blow up about this over the weekend because we’re on opposite sides. My beef was that I’m atheist (he’s not religious), and the person he wanted to do the wedding was familiar but as a pastor by trade, refused to remove “God” from our ceremony or do anything personalized (ring warming, vows, etc). We went back and forth on what was more important.
Post # 8
We didn’t know the pastor who married us until we started premarital counseling. By the time the wedding arrived, we felt close with him and he delivered a very personal ceremony (while maintaining Christian tradition, etc). So even though he was a stranger to start with, he didn’t stay that way!
Post # 9
We had both. My mom married us, and we wrote our own ceremony. Best of both worlds!
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@KristenGotMarried: In your case, you need a personalized ceremony- this person shouldn’t be performing a ceremony which doesn’t reflect your beliefs.
Post # 11
oh, you asked what was more important. Well, we are not religious. It was incredibly important not to have religion in our ceremony. So, it actually draws both the officiant and the ceremony into equal levels of importance, since we refused to hire a religious officiant, and wanted our own ceremony. It was $50 to have my mom do it (special CA license), so that was the best choice, vs a $300+ judge.
Post # 12
To me it’s more important to have a connection to the person performing the ceremony.
But, I can see it being more difficult to find someone you’re close to who can/will perform the ceremony than it is to customize a ceremony. Anybody can do that, and most people do–which is great. Unless you’re banned from doing that, like requirements for a Catholic church or something.
But in all honesty, is anyone going to remember every cutesy word you said 10 years from now? Probably not. Doubtful you even will. But it’s pretty hard to forget if a close friend performed the ceremony.
Post # 13
We wrote our own ceremony and had it performed by a hired officiant. It was very important to personalize our ceremony because we merged elements from my culture and his.
Post # 14
@KristenGotMarried: In a situation like yours, definitely having a personalized ceremony would trump being married by someone familiar. Unless that person was very near and dear to you, I wouldn’t compromise on something like my wedding ceremony. Then again, if you were that close, I would imagine the officiant would be more concerned with making you happy on your wedding day than throwing around a few “gods” here and there.
FWIW, we had both and it was perfect. We were married by my cousin who was ordained to marry us and we wrote our own ceremony. Best of both worlds.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
For our wedding it’s more important to have a personalized ceremony than to have someone we know officiating. We hired an officiant that we don’t know, but have been able to personalize the ceremony as much as we want. For us, the content of the ceremony itself holds more value than the person performing it. But again, that’s just what matters to us. 🙂