Post # 1
So I’ve always been an independent sort of girl who wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet and I’ve been successful at doing that and have had some neat accomplishments both athletically and career wise. But the blog on the front page got me thinking – yeah our wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life, does that make me a bad feminist?
Now, I would never want to give up trying to do well in my career or athletically, and I think our relationship would fall apart if I relied soley on him for fulfillment, but I don’t get the same kind of happiness and satisfaction from work or sports.
Post # 3
There is a delicate balance to life…unfortunately, I have yet to achieve it! You aren’t a “bad feminist,” you can be your own person and be part of a couple. If you stop growing and rely on him, it could hurt your relationship. Your passions are what made you sexy to your hubby in the first place, so don’t lose them!
Post # 4
I gain tons of fulfillment and happiness from my career and my hobbies. But, honestly, I get even more happiness and meaning from my fiancé. I agree with you that we can’t use one another for all fulfillment- but balance is always important and no one thing in life could give me all the meaning and happiness I need.
Post # 5
I am a hopeless romantic, so to me, love is the greatest adventure life has to offer. However, that doesn’t mean it is the ONLY adventure!! I am kind of a dare devil and my poor FI hates it (i.e. I am going sky diving soon and it is driving him crazy), I love my art, and athleticism as well, and my career and dreams… and he loves me for that!
And I am sure that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life!! I am sure it will be his also! And any feminist who says: “your wedding day shouldn’t be the happiest day of your life” is just a nut! Love is the best, but it is not the only thing that makes life wonderful.
Post # 6
@sweetpea1031: Yeah that’s definately true. We both agree wedding = awesome day. And even though we’re both in fairly high stress careers we prioritize our relationship. And we are far from couch potatoes, we’ve definately increased adventures since meeting each other. And I completley agree it’s important to keep my own little world going, it’s just making $$ doesn’t = fullfilling to me (though we’re working on making it more fullfilling).
Post # 7
I think the key phrase is “one of” (as opposed to “the”).
Though I’m not entirely sure how this phrase serves as an accurate barometer of a woman’s feminism or lack thereof.
Post # 8
Relationship, by far. But I also don’t think our wedding day was the happiest days of our life, either. I mean, definitely top three, but we plan to have other days where we’re even happier.
I truly live by this common question: “Who will be there for you on your death bed: your work/clients/career, or your significant other and family?”
Relationships and family will always, always, always come first, and I don’t feel less like a feminist or even an independent woman for believing that.
Post # 9
I think that’s such a hard question to answer. For me, today, the answer is relationship. But I think that’s because I have the option to go for whatever career I please. If I didn’t have that right, I might answer differently.
But in the present, though having a career is very important to me, I appreciate the balance between career and relationships. I would not sacrifice my relationship for a career, however I’m lucky enough to have a fiance who would never ask me to sacrifice my profession.
Post # 10
Honestly the meaningfulness/fulfillment and validation I get from love (my fiance) and from work (my career/school accomplishments) can’t be measured against each other because they are different types of validation and fulfillment, and I need both types.
I’m a better partner because I have outside interests. If I relied solely on FH for my fulfillment and validation, I personally wouldn’t be a very good partner, or be very happy with myself.
Likewise, I’m more driven in my career because I know I always have a sounding board who always has my back, and who pushes me to excel. When the going gets tough, I know he’s there – which has made it easier to take career risks I might not have taken (but have paid off longterm).
I would choose family over career if it came to it, but I also wouldn’t be with someone who made me choose, and I can’t really say one is more meaningful to me, because both are necessary things in my life.
Hopefully this makes sense!
Post # 11
it used to be career for me all the way. i picked grad school, studying, internship, everything over my then bf. we talked about our future and i’d tell him straight out, i’m going to be spending more time trying to build my career than with you. but when i met my husband, that all changed.
Post # 12
Coming from a hopeless romantic, I say depends. I have a great career and I’m lucky to have had it to help me during my darkest days. I was engaged once and when that came crashing down (former fiance died in a car accident), I turned to my career and it helped put my life back on track. Exceling in work gave me a fiancial boost that ultimately allowed me to buy my first home. I also developed relationships with my peers at that time whom remainded my bestest friends. Once love knocked on my door again and I came upon my current fiance, I’ve since shift some of my efforts to creating a fulfilled relationship with him and focus on our future together. It’s really a juggling act of keeping everything in balance now (work, personal, and everything else in between). I don’t want to be a feminist, I want to be a modern day woman that can do everything and do it with well. I’m happy being an Engineer from 8-5, and I’m so looking forward to being a wife the rest of the time!
Post # 13
Being a romantic doesn’t make you a bad feminist! Just like being a feminist doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t be romantic! I’ve struggled for years with my feelings on the matter — not because I don’t know how I feel, but because my feelings “shouldn’t” be expressed by girls with master’s degrees. I find the relationships I build (with my fiance, with my friends, with my family) to be far more important than my career. I don’t think this makes me a bad feminist. Feminism is supposed to support the idea that women can choose whatever life they want, right?
My mom — a now-retired teacher who LOVED her work — has always said that on her deathbed, she won’t be thinking about her career and how wonderful or successful it was. She’ll be thinking about her family and the relationships she’s built. Coming from a woman who always put an emphasis on education and independence, this idea kind of shook me. Until I realized I felt the same way.
Post # 14
Being a feminist means not having to apologize for what makes you feel fulfilled and happy. So your wedding day was the happiest day of your life? Congratulations, I am sure it was awesome. Don’t let anyone, least of all yourself, take that away from you. Your work and your relationships can and should both bring you pleasure and fulfillment in their own ways. The most intense happy experience may have come from your wedding day, but I am sure that other non-relationship experiences have had profound effects as well. It’s about finding the balance that’s right for you and brooking no naysayers.
Post # 15
relationships and career are two separate areas of life, one isnt more important than the other they are both important in different ways
Post # 16
My relationship with DH is the most important thing in my life. I truly feel like as long as it is strong and healthy, nothing else really matters. But balance is important too because my work (and friendships, and hobbies, etc) is part of who I am and without it I wouldn’t be very happy and therefore wouldn’t be a very good wife, and we wouldn’t end up with a very good marriage. I get annoyed when celebrity couples break up and blame their careers/time spent apart. All that means is that they put their marriage lower on the priority list than other things, and of course that is going to put a lot of strain on you. If DH or I had to move for work the other would go regardless of location, because nothing is more important than being together right now.