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If I could say anything to my FMIL without giving a damn about how she feels or how my FI would feel I'd say... You're overly controlling, and it's not going to work on me. I'm not kissing your ass.. ever, and I'm so glad you live miles and miles away, because if you were close.. it'd be dangerous for you and me. And guess what.. if it's not done YOUR way, that doesn't mean it isn't right. Also.. I LOVE that I'm wearing fuschia heels with my dress, you can get over it. Fine, you agreed to pay for some of our honeymoon, my parents are paying for our whole Wedding, so no I will NOT be kissing your ass. But how bout this.. you kiss mine! AAAHHHH that felt so good!
Your turn! lol
I would say, "Thank you so much for accepting me into your family so quickly!"
So far we've gotten along great, and I hope that continues. I totally teared up the night I met her and her husband; she took me aside in the parking lot as we left the restuarant and said how glad she was that her son had found me and how excited she was that I was going to become part of their family!
I hope for great relationships between all mother- and daughter-in-laws.
I actually love my FMIL...but..I guess I would say....
1) because you are very religious stop telling us "god will lead you in the right direction"..my fiance has been at a job he hates for 4 years and he hasn't led him yet.
2) please don't send me articles about how once a women hits 30, she only has 12% of her eggs left to reproduce (i'm 32)
this are really just small things my fiance and I joke about..they really don't upset me, but I definitely bust on her and we had a good laugh about the article..she really does it out of love so i dont' mind.
don't get me wrong, she's a nice lady, I would just rather have my own space back :-)
lol...like I said..she's nice, just get out of my house!@#!@#
she's much nicer when not living with me!! shhh!! (I need to make sure FI and FMIL never see I posted this)
Dear FMIL,
Thank you so much for accepting me into your family. You've treated me like one of your children right from the start.
Thanks for enduring 3 flights and almost 20 hours of breathing crappy cabin air. Pick you up at the airport at 9:30 :)
And oh, please don't wear ivory to my wedding. You know that my dress is ivory. I said you can wear champagne or ecru, not ivory or as you call it, "very, very light beige".
Love,
MsQTHoney
well i'd like to say that i really dont care IF U EVER speak to me again. i kn it would mean alot to ur son if we got along but i will not bend over backwards for u.and u can stop talking about me...i have been a wonderful influence on ur son if i do say so myself
Dear MIL,
I love you more and more everyday. I aspire to the kind of mom you are one day. You've raised an amazing son and I'm so glad to be a part of your family.
Love,
Me
ok.. no offense, but you guys are making me kind of nauseous with all this FMIL Love! lol I used to be like that, but she's totally showing her true colors now.lol
@bird, thank you. I started feeling like I was the only once who doesn't have the perfect relationship with their FMIL!
i'd like to tell her to mind her own business... stop being a snob... i don't care about her "rich friends" and how you think i should invite them to the wedding because they'll give me a lot of money... stop whining... do it yourself... hmmm this list could go on
Dear FMIL,
Thank you for loving and supporting FI and I all this time even when you had to bend over backwards. You are truly fantastic!
Love,
HB
@bloodgo1 I keep getting that too!! "invite so and so's boss, they'll give you a big envelope". SO??? I don't want them there either way!!
@marlew - i know!! i just hate that she always throws out there to people that she has "rich friends" - i think it is rude and most of all it is like WHO CARES?? i don't want to invite a ton of people i don't know because she thinks they're made of money
for me its easy - "stop being so sensitive about everything! if i dont like something or think you stepped out of line, don't worry I WILL LET YOU KNOW!!!" oh and "keep your husband away from me!!" :)
I can't limit this to one thing!
Dear FMIL,
You have never been anything but sweet and welcoming to me and I am amazed that you raised such an amazing son.*
However, I really wish you would stop acting like such a hypochondriac. It stresses your son out and he does not need more stress. I don't think you realize how this has negatively affected his psyche ever since he was a child. You haven't had that heart attack yet, you are going to be just fine.
Realize that I am not trying to steal your son from you. He's a big boy now and all big boys must leave the nest some day. You know I love him dearly and will treat him well, so stop worrying about that. If we had it our way, we would live in the city and you could see him any time you like, anyway. Also please recognize that just because your son likes my chocolate chip cookies better than yours does not mean that he doesn't like your cooking or, again, that I am trying to "steal" him from you. Remember, you're gaining a child, not losing one, and you should appreciate that I am going to keep your son well-fed.
Also, please respect our decision not to have a church wedding. Your son has had countless in-depth conversations with you about why he is no longer Catholic and though you understand you refuse to accept it. That upsets us both. Trust that we will have a beautiful, meaningful wedding despite its absence of any mention of any god.
And lastly, if you didn't like the shirt I bought your son for Christmas, you didn't have to act like you really did only to say that you didn't like it on the phone with him loudly enough so that I could hear. Also, your taste sucks because the shirt looks great on him.
Sincerely,
Your Future Daughter-In-Law
* subtle barb intended.
Hi FMIL - - - I love that we have a great relationship and I can’t wait to share your last name! Before getting too comfortable I want to bring some things to your attention - - The second you begin talking I automatically tune out - - once you are finished I tune back in. I think your stories are amazing; I only need to hear them once. I don't have a bad memory and I clean my ears so I have great hearing. I really wish you would ask me about my life and things that interest me. I recognize you enjoy talking about you you you, every now and then it would be special if I could talk about me me me. One last thing…When you are at our house please do not take over every recipe I make for dinner. When we are at your home you can be in charge of all meals. When you and FFIL are at our home I will be in charge of the meals.
Can’t wait to see you soon and talk about ME 
@mimosa: No one is perfect, but I think the reason those of us who are writing kind things to our MILs is because we are choosing to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Do I 100% love her all the time? No. But, at the end of the day she's really a good person and even if she makes me crazy at times, I'm sure I make her crazy, too. LOL
Yep, I agree, Lillindy! It's easy to get negative, but it doesn't help me in the end, so I'd rather stay positive. :D
I thought this post was to say what we'd like to say to our FMILs, no holds barred. I tell her all the time how lovely I think she is, because overall, I do. But then there are those things that drive me crazy that I would never say to her, so that's what I posted... :P
lol I'm not saying anything wrong with being positive, but the post was about saying something to your FMIL that you couldn't say to her directly.. doesn't matter though, it's all good!
@veganglam - - I did the exact same thing...I am very lucky b/c in the long run I truly like and love my FIL's...They are genuine nice loving people who's son is amazing and I can't be more excited to be marrying him......In saying that I posted what I can never and will never say to any of my family, lol
@ jacki-o..ur cracking me up. my fmil and i dont speak period which is funny because she lives DOWNSTAIRES,luckily she nevr come upstaires especiall if am home.
I have no beef with my FMIL. She's a pretty nice lady. One time she even came to pick me up when my alternator belt broke on the highway and my boy was out of town.
Dear MIL,
Your son is not an atheist. Please stop telling him he is going to hell. Please stop quoting poorly paraphrasing the bible on Facebook. Please stop telling your son that you are praying for him. He is the only one of your children in a happy, monogomous relationship, the only one of your children attending college, and the only one of your children to be financially stable. He doesn't need your prayers.
Stop being afraid of everything. The escalator is not going to "drop" you. The elevator is not going to brake. The car is not going to brake down. The plane will not crash. Not everything that happens outside of church is dangerous or tragic. STOP WORRYING.
Stop referring to yourself as Mrs. [FIL Last Name]. You cheated on FIL, you had him raise another man's child. And you're crazy. You deserved to be divorced, and he deserves to sever you from his life FOREVER. No he never thinks of you. No he's never coming back. It's been 15 years woman, GIVE IT UP. Your actions had a consequence, and that is being alone for the rest of your life. Stop blaming [FIL] for all your troubles. Cowgirl up!!
~Your DIL
PS-No, we are NOT flying you out for the birth of the baby. STOP ASKING. We paid for you to come to the wedding because we're nice people. But we are not rich and we cannot indulge your every visitation whim!!
Deaf FMIL,
I love you, I truly do. I love that you've considered me the daughter you never had from almost the moment we met. I love that you think I'm amazing for your wonderful son and that you frequently take my sides in fights with him.
However, we are LEAVING. Seriously, get used to it. Stop freaking out every time I/we/he mentions leaving to go to graduate school, having children in another city, or, the one that seems to send you into hysterics, moving to Europe for an indefinite period of time sometime in our future. I realize that you were a lucky mother to have your kids love you enough to live with you well into their 20's (and for it not to be just about fiances), but your son, My FI, is a grown man. He's about to embark on the creation of his own family, thus making your family bigger. He ought to be old enough to leave the psychological and zipcode nests. i promise I'll never turn you away from visiting us and that we'll try to see you once a year. I know this freaks you out because right now you call multiple times a week, see us at least once a week, and we only live 15-25 minutes away. But please, you're upsetting your wonderful son every time you freak out. You've instilled in him a deep fear of leaving this city. Its time to let go. Please.
Really, other then that, thanks for being such a great role model for both your son and myself. You taught him strong minded, intelligent, modern women are something to admire rather then dislike/fear/avoid and you've taught me that my dream of one day owning a house and remodeling it all on my own is a complete possibility. And also, thank you for showing me what a good mother is. Mine certainly was never a good mother, but I always knew there must be one out there in the world.
-rabbit
P.S. I couldn't actually ever say this to my FMIL. Not just about the moving, but also about how much I admire her and how much I truly love her for being such a great person.
Dear Future MIL,
Thank you so much for raising such an incredible man - and for welcoming me with open arms. You made me feel like family from day 1, and I will never be able to tell you how much that means to me. I absolutely adore you, and appreciate so much how you respect our relationship and togetherness.
But . . . even though I know how proud you are of your wonderful son and how much you love my ring (and are so happy that I have it), please don't make me show it off. It really speaks for itself, and I don't want anyone to think that FI and I are too *city* or *sophisticated* for them.
But I adore you for being so supportive and happy for us!!!! You are truly such a beautiful person, and I feel so blessed to be a part of you family, and for you to be a part of mine.
Dear MIL,
I love you, and I'm so glad that you seem to be getting better. I can't imagine this family without you.
PLEASE stop trying to do the stuff that your doctor said you shouldn't. Especially folding the baby's laundry. Number one, your doctor said you shouldn't. Number two, I find folding her laundry relaxing and one of the awesome benefits of being a mom.
Also... BIL can pay his credit card bill/do his taxes/do his own laundry/remember to take his crap when he leaves for the week without you holding his hand. He could do a lot, but he is kind of being a wimp and you're enabling him. I understand all that jazz about him always having been a sensitive child and being shaken up by your illness, but the man is 20 years old. Help him by making him help himself.
Love,
Your third daughter.
@ fancypants.. nu uh! no way! lol that takes the cake
LMAO at the other posts, love it!
I think I can say "Thank you for accepting me into the family" without giving a damn what she thinks (She'll probably like it!)
What I can't do is ask "Why are you so passive aggressive with a hint of mean?" "What do you expect from your children?" "What do you expect of me?" "Did you really want to have children?" "Do you want me to have children?" "Will you love our little mixed baby?"
I don't think these questions will blow over too well.
Oh yeah, and "I like ostentatious things!"
@ CaMo, aww I'm in an interracial relationship too(fi is white, I'm black) and I honestly wonder the same thing.. will u love ur little mixed grandbaby, even if they come out maybe more dark that you expected. I don't think she's racist by any means, at all.. but I can't help but to wonder.. who knows what will pop out at that time! lol
I really love my FMIL, but I'd love to tell her to back off a little. She's very...not controlling...but, vocal about her feelings. She still treats FI like a kid a lot of the time, and it's really frustrating!
@ mimosa, lol She so indifferent to her own children at times. I don't want to confuse her general indifference to not being super grandma cause the baby is darker.
Scary territory. That's why the question is only posed here.
Love this post btw.
FMIL! Please stop calling your son when you only need/want something....He caught on like 3 yrs ago! Why do you think he doesnt answer your calls!
MIL,
I'm happy to have you as my MIL. You're not perfect, but neither am I. Every time I hear of the horror-stories so many women experience with their MILs, I am more glad to have the one I do!
Love,
You Daughter In Law
(and I know it's not what this post is for, but I HAVE to include it, 'cause I've been dying to say it but can't!!!)
FIL,
I am so grateful that you have welcomed me into the family with open arms and that you treat me like your second daughter. I don't think I could ask for a better FIL. I have just ONE request: PLEASE stop jumping in front of people who are trying to take photos, regargless of whether or not you know them. I know you think it's funny; it's not. It's just plain rude. If someone did that to me, especially if I didn't know them, I would be livid.
Love,
Your Daughter In Law
P.S. I could probably have done without you teaching your son that interrupting people while they talk/talking over people so they can't get a word in edgewise is okay, too!
Dear FMIL,
Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I am so grateful that I have found the perfect man to spend the rest of my life with.
I am sorry that you will not accept me in to your family. I think that you, your husband, and your daughter are making a big mistake by not participating in our wedding. Even if you don't feel like I'm the right person for your son, I wish that you would realize how much he needs you right now. You have always told him that you would be there for him no matter what, and you are really letting him down for not being there to support him now. And, I wish you would realize that I have nothing but good intentions in marrying your son. I am not in it for the money (because trust me, with his hobby of riding motorcycles, there's no money in sight,) and I really think that we are going to have a successful marriage and life together.
I know that you think I have tainted blood, but I want to assure you that family problems do not run in your blood. It is really unfortunate that you think that's the case. And, your family has just as many problems as mine, so I guess your son is doomed either way. I'm sorry that you are judging me by the actions and lifestyle choices of my family members. I really regret that you have told us that you want nothing to have to do with your future grandchildren. I know how much you love kids and I know how much ours will want to know their grandparents. I promise that they won't be born as gremlins or anything -- you'll be safe.
Some of the things you've done and said recently are truly hurtful. But, I'm looking past it all, realizing that you are just having a hard time with dealing with your son growing up. I am ready to forgive you and move on.
Down the road, I hope that we can have a better relationship, for the sake of our family, yours, and your future grandchildren. Please just let me know when you're ready to accept me and put this all behind us.
Dear FMIL,
Thank you for accepting me into your family so quickly. I really appreciate it, however I don't need you to follow me around while I cook dinner. I do appreciate your help, but when you watch me so closely (surely thinking "I wouldn't do it that way") it weirds me out. So if you could stop that, that would be cool. Also knocking on a door as you open it doesn't really count as knocking on the door...just an FYI...I know that it's been just the two of you for a while so I understand how important FI is to you, but he's a big boy now, so....um, MINE!
well, ok, all for now..Toodles!
love ya,
the new woman in his life..oops..I mean, your loving future daughter-in-law
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