What's so hard about compiling a guest list?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@maireailsa:  It might be better for you to let FI deal with his mother, your FMIL. It’s way too easy to get into a situation where you alone are the target of her complaints.

Does FI not know the names of the people from his side who should be invited?

It may be irrelevant now that you have given her a deadline, but I would have suggested that he draft the list, then, if necessary,  get the addresses from his mother. That list might have spurred her on to add any names that he missed.

Post # 4
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

maireailsa:  My problem was opposite. We had OUR list and I was asking for very specific address information and FMIL was trying to add a ton of people to the list like grandmother’s friends, some of whom we have never met, because grand mother will “need people to talk to” I explained that there will be 7 other family members at her table and another 15 elsewhere in the building, I am quite sure she will have plenty of people to talk to lol. I also had to explain that we were not inviting people we don’t know, people under the age of 14, people we haven’t spoken to in years, etc, etc, etc…. Guest list making and address getting sucks. That said I think you did the right thing giving her a timeline…now you just have to stick to it! 

Post # 5
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I can sorta sympathize. While my wedding is over a year away (13.5 months), I asked about four weeks ago for a guest list for the groom side. It was more to one, start the list, and two, get an Idea of what size of wedding we were going to have. That way I can start narrowing down venues and such.

Well, my list is complete, (save a few addresses here and there), and I sat my FI down and made him cough up his portion of the list (after him and his mother couldnt give me one after three weeks.) Well, when I think I am done, he mentions there are others they need to invite, family friends and such, like you said. BUT he doesnt know who they are, only that he has known them since he was a kid. *face palm*. I reminded him we were on a budget… and that if he didnt know who they were without his mother’s help, they didnt need to be invited. So in regards to his family friends list… If i dont have it by the time the save the dates need to go out… they arent getting invited. Period. If he wants to invite them, then he can play wedding coordinator. 

Then he says he wants to invite everyone from his work… again reminded him of the budget. Hes like, its only 25 or so… So i told him 25 people with +1’s… thats 50… not to mention what if they have kids. I told him no, and reminded him that there were people I would love to invite, coworkers, and some friends. BUt wasnt doing so due to the budget. 

Post # 6
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I have a feeling my FI and I will run into this situation in the future. Luckily we don’t have to send out the invitations for about a year, but we’re sending out the STDs much sooner, and I’ll just have to accept that not everyone will get one. FI and his parents are having tons of issues and it’s making it impossible to discuss anything wedding-related because their relationship is more important right now. I know that typically you go through the moms to get names and addresses, but we’ve decided that we will probably just contact a responsible person on each side of the family and ask if they could help with sending over addresses and full names—but we’re making the executive decisions about who’s invited beforehand. Something to consider if you need addresses—ask his grandma or an aunt—and see if they could help you out without adding too much drama to who is and isn’t invited.

Post # 7
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

maireailsa:  I am having the same problem with dad. I just talked to him earlier today about this. He doesn’t live in the same city I do so it is trickier. We agreed to have a videochat call on saturday night to tackle and finish the list. We’ll both sit down and don’t get up until we finish this.

Can your FI do this with his mother? It has to be done!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors