Post # 1
Can someone tell me what’s so wrong with having an A-list and B-list? I’ve seen people here who are quite offended when they receive an invitation that leads them to believe they were on the B-list. I have a friend who flat out refuses to attended weddings where she believes she received a B-list invite.
As I’m planning my wedding, I so understand the reason for two lists. I think there are some people who ‘need’ to receive an invitation whether we actually want them there or not. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather one of my friends be there, but I’m working on a limited budget and limited seating capacity and, sometimes, you just don’t have a choice but to invite great-Aunt Bertha, whether you actually think she will come or not.
This friend who refuses to go to weddings where she received B-list invitation planned her wedding on a basically unlimited budget that was completely paid for by her parents. Maybe that’s the issue? She doesn’t get that there are hard choices to be made?
Post # 3
It shouldn’t matter whether a guest is an A list or B list guest. The guest should be honored that you thought enough of them to invite them to your wedding.
Seating will be an issue at my wedding. I only want 150, more because I don’t want to spend the entire night saying hi to people than money reasons. Both sets of parents have many friends that they want at the wedding, but with big families those friends will need to be B-listed. Sorry.
Post # 4
B Lists insinuate that the person wasn’t good enough to make the list of people that you really wanted to invite. It’s seen as though you invite the B list people to fulfill the guest quota, or to get more gifts when A-list guests decline. That’s why they’re seen as rude.
For the record, I totally get the need for an A and B list, just trying to explain the other side.
Post # 5
We have to have a B list our wedding guest list was cut down MAJORLY we are not counting on getting a no. BUT we know that we will get some so B-List is a must for us! If someone doesnt want to come because they were on the B-list it just means we will be able to invite another person on the list 🙂
Post # 6
We don’t have a B list but I understand why they exist. However, despite knowing why they exist, I still don;t like when its obvious that we were on the B list, and, this may be petty, but I give less of a gift when I am, in fact, on the B list (this has only happened once.) I wasn’t offended and I understand that they likely wanted us to attend but needed to cut the list, but still, if we aren’t close enough to make first round, then we’re not close enough for me to give you our standard wedding gift.
Post # 7
Playing devil’s advocate here, because I can see what you’re saying about hurt feelings, but…
Why would a person feel “not good enough” to invite on a B-list, but not be upset about having never been invited at all?
I think that if someone didn’t get invited strictly on venue/budget concerns, and those limits suddenly disappeared, a lot of people would be honored that they were considered for the spot, though you would also have people who would be offended.
Post # 8
I guess it depends on who was invited in the first place. I would understand if you had limited space and you only invited family and I was on the B-list I wouldn’t be offended. That to me says that after family, our friendship is important. But if it was a moderate guest list and friends in the same circle as me were invited as A-list guests and I was a B-list, Heck yea I’d be offended and not go.
Post # 9
@smiles4jo: I’d like to answer this questions. However there are 150 other posts more important of my attention, so I’m going to go answer those first. Should one of those 150 threads get closed I’ll come back and answer your question.
Post # 10
@MrsConnick: Were you trying to be funny here? I get it, you’re trying to be witty by making the OP feel less important than the other posters on the bee… But I think you missed the mark – it actually comes across as rude (to me, at least).
@smiles4jo: Unfortunately, by posting in the etiquette section, you’re likely to get some bees bashing you for not doing things a certain way. I totally understand the A/B lists. If only we all had the $ to invite everyone we want. Try not to stress. 🙂
Post # 11
@MalbecMe: Um that’s my point exactly.
Post # 12
Listen, I don’t care if anyone has a B list…but that’s how I would feel if I was on a B list. Like everyone else invited before me was more important and because someone declined or some other reason, now I’m good enough to attend. If you can find a way to do that without people realizing they’re a B’er, that’s one thing. But I get not attending a wedding knowing I was a B list person at a larger wedding.
Post # 13
I think everyone understands why B list exisits but that still dosen’t make it less rude. Life’s tough and as adults we all have to make choices- if a B&G choose to have the really beaustiful but small venue then the consequence of that is a limited number of guests who can be invited. If the guests are what are inportant to a B&G then they would select a venue that held their entire guest list. If they B&G want to get married now and have a smaller budget then again it is their choice and they haven chosen a limited guest list.
Everyone knows a wedding dress can be expensive but stealing one (because you can’t afford your dream dress) is still considered by society as wrong.
Whether it is intended or not a B list can make guests feel like seat fillers, not important or second thoughts.
Post # 14
Even renowned etiquette expert Judith Martin, a.k.a “Miss Manners” says that there is nothing wrong with having a “B” list. The only etiquette breach would be to inform a guest that he or she is on it.
Post # 15
@MrsConnick: It’s all good, I get what you are trying to say. 🙂 To be honest, I’m just tired of all the negativity (in general) I’ve been reading on the Bee lately. So much stress/banter etc.
Post # 16
B-lists are an interesting thing to me. I’m not exactly planning to do one, but since I’ll be going through a lot of job transitions between now and the wedding, I’m basically keeping everyone from work off the guest list and will invite whoever’s appropriate to invite at the time. I understand people not feeling as important, but let’s be real: my coworker who lives in town and who, frankly, it’s not the end of the world if she can’t come is NOT as important as, say, my aunt, or my best friend who is helping me print the invitations! (Heh.)
Maybe this is weird, but I’d almost be flattered if someone who I wasn’t super-close with invited me as a B-list guest, even semi-last minute. To me, it would mean that they wanted to have me there, but trusted me to have no drama go on about whether I was invited or not. For me, that’s a big compliment! But I know that’s not the usual sentiment.