Post # 1
Hey bees! I need your help on a party I’m planning for my BFF. We are not having a traditional wedding shower for her, but her mother wanted to have a party to have the chance to celebrate with church and community friends that will not be in attendance at the wedding, as the wedding is small and the guest list is limited. We’re throwing a dessert reception at the family’s church. Here is the wording I have right now for the invitation:
Please join us for a dessert reception
to celebrate the upcoming marriage of
Saturday, March 29, 2014
RSVP by March 22 to
##-####) or *Mother of the Bride* (#
The bride’s mom is very concerned on this not looking “tacky,” and she’s wondering if we need to include something to explain why people are being invited to this, but not to the wedding (something like “Although the wedding will be very small, we wanted the bride and groom to have the opportunity to celebrate with all of you”). I don’t think this is necessary, but I wanted to get the opinion of the ladies on the bee who might have more insight into matters of etiquette.
And before I get responses talking about how it’s gift-grabby or poor etiquette to throw a shower and invite anyone who is not invited to the wedding, please know we are specifically planning this to NOT be a shower. Gifts are not expected, and all we’re asking people to bring is a card with cute bits of advice for the bride and groom and their favorite recipe to build the bride’s collection. We’re going to have dessert, punch, and some games. This is not a gift thing.
Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
My parents did this as a sort of “comming out” party initiating my SIL to the family.
“The XXXX family is proud to introduce YYYY, wife of JJJJ XXXX we request your presance at PLACE to welcome her. Your presance is all that’s requested”
Post # 4
@SadieBee: Hmm…I’m not sure you can call it a reception if the wedding hasn’t happened yet, and it’s very bad etiquette to invite people to a shower or engagement party if they’re not invited to the wedding. I think a lot of people would be expecting an invite to the wedding after attending the party because a recpetion before the wedding doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Would you consider having this party after the wedding so you can call it a reception and nobody expects an invite to the ceremony?
Post # 5
I think there needs to be something like “in lieu of gifts, please fill out this card with advice for the newlyweds!” and attach a cute notecard or something. Also the wording needs to not have the word “shower” or “reception” if you don’t want gifts/you don’t want it to be weird since they’re not invited to the wedding. Maybe “celebration”?
Post # 6
@Ruby-Redshoes: No, after is really a no go, as that’s when the bride’s job really ramps up – she basically doesn’t have a free weekend all summer.
If “reception” isn’t the right word for it, what would you suggest? And, my big question, does the invitation need an explanation like I posted? We’re honestly not concerned about etiquette-Nazis being offended – this is in a small town, and it’s people who want the chance to celebrate with the girl they’ve known for a long time. And if they’re offended, they don’t have to come. But the bride’s mom has already kind of scouted out some opinions from people in her church, and they don’t see the big deal – they think it would be fun.
Post # 7
@BluebonnetBride: OK, I like “celebration” instead of reception, thanks!
Along with the actual invitation, I was planning to include the little notecard and recipe card with a note that says “In addition to your presence, please bring your best wishes to share with the couple and one of your favorite recipes.” I could change that to “in lieu of gifts” so it’s totally clear, gifts are not expected.
Post # 8
@BluebonnetBride: I like the idea of asking them for something, but I wouldn’t put “in lieu of gifts”.
You could ask for each lady to bring a recipe card.
@SadieBee: your invite is uber formal. I’d bring it down a few notches.
Please help Mrs. SO and So celebrate the upcoming nuptials of her daughter Bride to Groom.
Punch and Desserts
Saturday, March at 2 (or better yet after service)
RSVP to Mrs. SO and So
Please bring your favorite recipe(s) for the bride to be.
Post # 9
@SadieBee: In lieu of gifts always implies gifts are expected. Skip that altogether. Just tell them what they need to do/ ring to fully participate. If I see “in lieu of gifts” the first thing I am going to do is buy a gift because I do not want to be the guest that actually listened and came empty-handed.
Post # 10
It’s a church shower. I had a couple for my first wedding and have been to tons. People bring gifts (fairly inexpensive) and say congratulations but they do NOT automatically expect to get invites to the wedding. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 11
@CurlyCue: Thanks for the input on “in lieu of gifts” – I get what you’re saying there. So you think just the note asking them to bring a recipe (and I’ll include a recipe card for them to fill out) would be enough?
@Luayne: OK, I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s familiar with the church shower – I’ve been to several of these, so I thought it was pretty normal, but then you get the absolute etiquette advice that there shouldn’t be any wedding related events where people are invited who aren’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 12
I guess I’m opposite because if it’s a bridal/wedding anything I assume everyone will bring a gift unless I’m explicitly told not to. Go with whatever you think your guests would infer.