Post # 1
…to say to your guests that you DON’T want a gift or money??
We’re getting married in Australia, about 1 1/2 hours outside Sydney. Around 1/2 the guests are coming from Sydney and will need to stay at least one night at a hotel or B&B, and the other half will be coming from Canada. The way I see it, everyone who is coming to celebrate our wedding with us is out of pocket AT LEAST $250, and some people will be paying upwards of $5000 to come. In my mind, none of these people should think of paying for gifts for us that we don’t need!
My worries have started because my fiance and i are heading to Canada this week, and my parents are throwing an engagement party for us, where they explicitely said on the (electronic – gasp!!) invite that no gifts should be brought…and my mom just said that 7 people have called in the past day to ask where we are registered and what could they bring as a gift since we are travelling and can’t carry much!!!
What is your advice on invitation wording for a firm way to say NO GIFTS ALLOWED!!?
Post # 3
You could put it on your wedding website but even so, people will still try to buy you something I’m sure. I had a friend get married and it was going to be destination for everyone and I think she used a really informal wedding invitation (more of an announcement type) and it just said that they were both really settled and to please bring no gifts. It went on to say how they would really just appreciate your company. I thought it was really sweet.
Post # 4
The only way you can do this I *think* is to not register and pass it through word of mouth. Like tell your parents, and then they can tell your sibilings and aunts and uncles etc.
Post # 5
People like to give gifts. I find it is useful to provide people with a list of your favorite charities and then ask them to contribute to one. That way, people are giving something to cause important to you.
Post # 6
@nmsoonerbride: ooooh, i really like that idea! Thanks! I’m going to find a way to put that in our invitation wording. Still, i hope that would make people feel obliged to donate?
Post # 7
@ScarletBegonia:I don’t think I’d put in the in WEDDING invitation, since I’m kind of old school and don’t like registry info or gift requests on the wedding invite….but you could provide the charity list to your family to provide to people who ask.
Post # 8
people will still give you gifts, and if you don’t register you might end up with a few random things or a couple of toasters. i would just say “your presence is your present” and put a little note on the website about how you and fi don’t need anything for your house, and you know people have to spend a lot of money to travel to your wedding. it’s not foolproof, but it’s pretty good.
Post # 9
Are all the people going to the party going to your wedding? It may be their way of letting you know while they can’t be there they are thinking of you.
Even with the word put out there,…. there will always be someone slipping you a little something.
Post # 10
If someone wants to give a gift, they are going to regardless of if you want them too or not. I would just politely include something about it either on your invitation or wedding website and leave it at that. You’ve done your part in letting it be known that gifts are not necessary but I don’t think pressing the issue will help anyone.
ETA: After re-reading my post, I have no idea why I said to put it on the invitation since I am normally against including anything like that on the invite. So yea, mention it on the website and forget I said anything about the invite! =)
Post # 11
Where is Lisa when we need her? Gifts should not be mentioned on the invitation. I would address your wishes on the website, or register for a charity for people who insist on giving something.
Post # 12
No one that i’m inviting will be offended by hearing about the gifts (or lack thereof 😉 on the invitation – and if they are it doesn’t really concern me, truth be told. If they are offended enough to NOT give me a gift, then i suppose my job is done!
Re: the party, yes all of them will be invited to the wedding (its where we are handing out the extremely early save the dates, with mini-bottles of the champagne that our venue is famous for, to try and entice more people to make the 18hr trip), and of course not all of them will be able to come…but i don’t want them to think that in this case either, they need to give us a gift in lieu of attending…the party is just a party! My mom has been telling them as firmly as possible no gifts, and has already heard that a large contingent of my friends have put in together to get us a gift card for a large Australian department store online. Sigh – i suppose theres no dissuading people, is there??
I’m really not trying to look a gifthorse in the mouth here – my fiance and i certainly aren’t well off but we get on well enough and don’t see the need for all this unnecessary spending. It sits very badly with me.