(Closed) whats the best way to be a good friend in this situation, need help please

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

Are you friends with her husband? could you talk to him about this? or has he mentioned it too you?

Post # 4
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I would make the suggestion that she ask her doctor about her feelings to see if they are normal for a new mom.  Then I would steer the rest of the conversation to being about her instead of the baby.  Adjusting to being a mom can be difficult, especially if she is not getting the support she wants or needs from her spouse.  Would you feel comfortable inviting them over for dinner and making the suggestion to the dad that he be a bit more involved because the new mom feels overwhelmed?

Post # 5
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee

She needs to speak to someone ASAP. While post partum depression is very common and normal, it needs to be treated. I feel so bad for her- I’m sure she never expected to feel this way. Please encourage her to get help. And if she doesn’t then you need to reach out to her family. 

Post # 6
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this 🙁  I think the best thing you can do is be there for your friend.  Have they considered couples counseling?  Though I’m not a mother, I know a baby is bound to change many things in any relationship.  

I think all you can do personally is try to be a good friend (which it sounds like you are).  I wouldn’t avoid talking about her baby, but I might not bring it up unless she does.  Just talk like usual.  Allow her to vent about her husband a little if she needs to (no relationship is perfect all the time).  Unfortunately, when it’s her life and not yours, you can only do so much.  It sounds like she needs to have a life outside of her baby, and you can help provide her with those types of interactions and experiences.

Post # 8
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

She should definitely see a dr. about post partum depression. Maybe you could offer to go with her if she doesn’t want to go with her husband? Other than being a good listener there’s not a whole lot you can do. Try to talk about other things going on in her life when you’re with her. Urge her to see a dr. And if facebook is bugging her, tell her to deactivate her account for awhile. Seems like she feels shes lost her identity to the baby…you sound like a really good friend & she needs you right now, so keep doing what you’re doing and make yourself available to her. Sounds like a really tough situation to be in : (

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@auroraborealis:  I think you can just be supportive and encourage her to seek counseling before making any rash decisions that she may regret later.

On a side note, “Her husband was really excited to have a son but now that the baby is here she said he freaks out when he has to babysit when she goes to work. ” Someone needs to tell her husband that it isn’t called “babysitting” when it is his own kid, it’s called parenting.

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@auroraborealis:  Sounds like a couple that didn’t realize what being a parent actually means. Many couples think it’s going to be this very glamorous experience and the truth is it’s very much not. It’s very unfortunate how many people never fully think out their decision to have children, and many of those parents out there would probably go back and do it differently if they could. 

Post # 12
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you’re doing the right thing by giving her an outlet about topics other than the baby – it sounds like she might feel as though her own identity as been lost, since everyone just wants to know about the baby.

I don’t know what your schedule is like, but when her husband gets back from his trip, could you maybe babysit once in awhile so they can have a date night? It might help them if they can go out as adults and communicate without the baby distracting them.

I’m not a parent, so I’m not sure this is an option, but are there parenting classes they can take as a family?  It might help the husband get more involved…

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m not a parent, so I’m only speaking through second-hand knowledge, but I think your friend might need to see a therapist, not necessarily a doctor. Maybe she doesn’t have PPD, but she definitely isn’t happy and I think a therapist could help her. Offer to set up an appointment and watch the baby while she goes – or even go to hold her hand for support.

It is really sweet you care so much – she’s very lucky to have a friend by her side.

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