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Hi Bees!
I'm just getting started on the planning and right now am just starting to set up appointments to see venues. From there, we'll pick a date based on availability. A lot of people have told me the most stressful thing is finding a place for ceremony and reception. That seems too good to be true to me - I would imagine the stress comes from all the stuff like picking food, DJ, photographer etc. What do you think? What has caused most of your stress? Give a future bride some tips for trying to stay calm! :)
xoxo
back when i was engaged it was budget and logistics, you invited x so you have to invite y, food costs HOW much?! and it was also the "feel" i wanted, did i want an elegant soiree or a casual bbq or did i want a mix of both.
i'm going to say parents. They seem to be the main cause of everybody's distress
Congratulations on your engagement!
As for me, I don't think that things have been too stressful - so I think I'm VERY lucky. The one thing that has given me and my fiance "angst" is the budget, since we're paying for the wedding ourselves.
I think what has kept us sane, though, is enjoying every moment of the planning process and recognizing that at the end of the day, it's just a party where we get to marry the person of our dreams! (keep in mind we're not religious, so for us it's just a party.. for others it may mean something different).
i'ld say trying to take everyones opinions/thoughts & wishes into consideration
@tessa - We are really lucky because our parents are covering the wedding. However, we've yet to sit down and discuss the straight up number. It won't be anything extravagant because nobody is loaded!!
@crebre - I've been feeling that a little bit. How do I want the vibe to be, per say..
@Ejs4y8- Luckily our parents have just been excited.. but we live 8 hours away so that helps! hehe! your answer made me giggle.
@Tatrifon - thank you!! You have a good point about remembering why you're getting married! We're not religious either so we share your opinion of the big big fun party!!
um, for me, it was DEF. parents, and I was extremely surprised by this. It was the source of ALL our wedding stress, and made the few bumps we had in the road that much more traumatic, because I just kept waiting for it to blow up in my face like the drama with my parents. Honestly, just be prepared for things that you never even knew would bother people bothering them...it is completely true - weddings make people CRAZY! Things are completely fine with my parents, we're getting married 2 weeks from today, and it's all good, but MAN did we struggle getting here...so just a heads up on that one! Good luck with all your planning...
@sweetheartdealer:this caused me more angst than anything else, i was freaking out because just as soon as i saw one i'd see something i liked better. have you chosen a date yet? i would definitely say don't choose a theme so early, sit back and relax and see what excites you more in terms of feel do you get butterflies when you see casual outdoors weddings (no matter if it's fall, summer, spring, beach, etc) or do you get the flutters when you see everyone in black tie and candles? i would see which pictures you are drawn too and draw upon that atmosphere versus a theme (please remind me of this when i am engaged and going crazy).
budget and planning everything for a DW and not being able to have that control to see the actually place you are getting married. It takes a lot of faith and trust!
well, mine lived 4 hours away and everythign was cool until the day before the wedding. they were late to my rehearsal, late to my rehearsal dinner, and made ME late (b/c of course i was traveling with them) 30 min late to the wedding site.
They also made DH and I pay for our own lunch, even though we were paying for everybody at the wedding. They just did it very rudely by handing us the check which is VERY unlike my parents. I think they were "punishing" me for being on edge and not kissing butt and being all friendly
But yes, them being late4 was my hugest stressor. And now i get to relive it for all my friends wedding, who say "my parents will not do to me what yours did! they WILL be on time!" so at least they've learned =]
The budget is definitely hard but I thought the whole invitation process was stressful. Oh my gosh! First making the guest list was hard deciding who to invite, who to cut. Next getting addresses--how hard is it to answer a text message or email? Then I made all the invitations which took forever. I ended up needing way more postage than I expected. And then... the RSVP's! I just think of how much time and money I spent on making the invites and the postage, when really, out of 61 invites, I got back 26 of the cards. The rest of the "RSVP's" were random text messages, verbal answers, and emails that I practically had to beat out of my guests. As it is, two weeks til my wedding, I still have 19 more guests that have yet to respond. And when I F-I-N-A-L-L-Y reach someone, they're so nonchalant about it, like "oh yeah I lost the invitation but I'm coming" two weeks after the RSVP deadline date. Gee, thanks!
Nothing else has compared to the frustration and stress I got from the whole invite process. Not even close.
I think the most stressful part for me has been having divorced and remarried parents who can't stand each other.
Second is definitely budget, but we've been dealing with that nicely!
Congratulations on getting engaged!!! Being engaged is SO fun and planning has been my favorite thing in the world!
The biggest dress so far has been finding a dress! It seems to be so easy for some and for others (me) it was difficult. I bought one dress and ended up being able to get a full refund and found my perfect gown. It all worked out in the end, but make sure that you are really sure before you buy it :)
Budget has also been stressful because we are paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves. I wouldn't worry about the details like photographer, food, dj, etc. That stuff all falls into place if you do your research and stuff like that!
Let us know how your planning goes as you start making big decisions!!!
budget is a big stress, my parents are paying for our wedding too but you still have to deal with trying to figure out the budget and i'm one of those people who doesn't want to spend a million dollars on one day so i'm going under what my parents are giving us (they're letting us keep the rest). The guest list is another one, i'm very happy that it's finished with, i never realized how hard it would be! we were putting together our two families and all of our family's friends and we had to get it down to a pretty small number (110 people), not easy when my family equals out to be that number.
Biggest stress was definitely dealing with other people: trying to make sure all the relevant people could attend and being sad when some couldn't come; that people would like the food we chose; that we did what we wanted without offending anyone; the guestlist was a huge bear -- choosing who to invite, who would bring a date, people who didn't send back a reply.
Most everything else was fun and the result was well worth it. Happy planning!
Everything!
Mainly budget, finding a venue, and dealing with some of the issues that popped up with friends/family. Some people just have to cause drama. Overlooking that stuff is the best thing to do, but it still hurts.
What stresses one bride out, may not stress out another... overall I've had a fairly stress-free planning with a few minor bumbs (that apparently unavoidable univited guest add-on!). For me, my biggest stress is all the family drama... whether surrounding the wedding, or pre-existing that I have to consider (I have a few very dramamtic family members!), plus divorced parents and a dad who is not in great health. Ugh - why aren't we eloping again?! *lol*
The most stressful and I assume it will continue until the big day and maybe after ... is the GUEST LIST. People you DO NOT want to invite who your parents think should be invited. It's very stressful and emotional and upsetting.
The other thing would be ... chairs! I had the hardest time picking out chairs.
I think for me it was just making decisions, in general. Picking the venue was actually the easiest part but I'm now in the process of trying to pick a band and a caterer and a tent rental company and trying to make sure I get the best value for the cheapest price possible is hard, especially when so many vendors are so flaky! Dealing with parents has also been somewhat stressful as has the budget...Overall wedding planning has been fun but it's the little things I enjoy doing, not deciding the major players...I keep reminding myself to just relax and have fun with it and not let it become this major force dragging me down! But I'm not going to lie, I can't wait to have all the big stuff done and get to to the good projects, like programs and favors and placecards (oh my!)...
For me...it's definitely finding a compromise between doing what you want and pleasing other people. It's easy to say...do what you want, it's your wedding...but where there are a lot of other people involved (some of whom are contributing financially)...it's important to me to try to keep everyone happy without compromising my wedding dreams. Budget is a very, very close second. Good luck, and enjoy! Wedding planning is a lot of work, but a lot of fun too!! :)
budget, budget and budget! why is everything that is absolutely 100% perfect always 15% more than you want to spend?!?!?!?
Guest list! We really have no idea how many members of our family and friends can attend, so we've sort of stalled on planning until we figure out how many people are coming. I can't guess cake size, number of tables, transportation, anything! It's one of the main reasons we decided to do the save the dates and it's been quite helpful!
And I put in another vote for parents, because whenever we get a "no" back my mom wants to add someone else instead of letting the wedding get smaller!
I've been lucky to not be too stressed out yet (but I have a ways to go before the wedding) but the most stressful parts so far have been the budget and the guest list. FI and I are paying for half of the wedding (my parents are paying the other half) and it was hard thinking about the total cost at the beginning. The guest list is also hard since there are many people that my parents want to invite, but we want to keep the guest list down.
Definitely compromising between what I want and what my parents want.
For me, the biggest stress is keeping it all balanced. There's work, wedding, an actual social life...and many more things that you have to juggle as a bride. You have to wear so many hats!
And it's REALLY, REALLY hard to focus on anything that isn't wedding related! Which makes work difficult! LOL.
I was very lucky to have had everything fall into place. I am a very laid back person to begin with but I am not a good decision maker. When things came up I just made the decision, left it alone and moved on to the next item. Venue - we called around and weren't real excited about anything. Saw a place that was recommended by a friend and loved it. Signed it right there. done.
We paid for the wedding ourselves and had an idea of what we wanted to spend on each area of the wedding. We didn't let ourselves get stressed out if we went over what thought or didn't spend as much as we planned. We came close and were happy and stress free with that.
The one thing that really stressed me was finding earrings. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted and could not find them anywhere. I searched every store in our state every weekend. I didn't get too crazy about it and when the right pair presented itself I bought them.
I guess my one piece of advice would be to just take things as they come. No matter what obstacle presents itself there is a solution for it. Don't stress about it. You'll look back and laugh and know that you truly enjoyed that time in your life. :)
What city to have it in. Our parents live 6 hours away from eachother... we currently live in the same city as his parents and will (hopefully!) be moving to where my parents live! I have a HUGE support system at home that has seen me grow up, but all of our mutual friends are here!
i micromanage way too much. i'm too obsessive about each tiny detail, and i stress stress stress over everything.
Parents!!!
For us it has been dealing with my divorced parents and remarried parents with who pays for what, where do they sit, what showers do they get invited to... etc.
His parents have been okay, but stressed us out on the Rehearsal venue because we had gone and researched 15 places and narrowed it down to 3. Gave them our 3 choices and then they went and looked at all these other places without us and of course didn't go look at the 3 we recommended. So they drove back down there with us another weekend and went to our 3 choices and said they liked those the best and which do we want. We are 5 hours from the wedding location so it was a lot of driving for us.
GUEST LIST! I guess this is a product of both budget and space constraints within the venue, but I've been over and over my guest list and the biggest stress for me is figuring out who to cut. I HATE the fact that I have to sacrifice good friends for "family" who I haven't seen/had any sort of relationship with for years. Also I hate that I have a certain rather large group of friends and I really can't, as much as I want to, pick and choose who to invite. They sort of come as a package deal, and some I'm closer with than others. ARGH!
budget --nyc aint cheap
family drama--my aunt isnt quite on the best terms with mum and another aunt
Haha for me everything has been a mix of fun and stress. I know it's all going to work but I still agonize over the smallest decision, even though I'm fine with whatever happens if someone else comes along and makes the decision for me. Nothing really anymore than anything else, I think pretty much every decision has been agonizing and then a decision and then whew ok, that wasn't nearly as big a deal as I made it out to be. Ohhh, time! That's the biggest stresser for me! Not enough time for work and wedding planning and visiting family and celebrating.
We're paying for our wedding so I don't need to worry about our parents but some people around us likes to create drama.
@ejs4y8 is on to something with the parents. Neither set of parents really loves all our ideas and style. We keep getting told "oh that's ok but this is better." or that we have to have XYZ, etc. I think keeping everyone's expectations in line and not bending to what everyone else wants you to do is the biggest stress factor for me. Everyone's a critic! Sheesh! 
My big distress was everything that I could only do/plan within a week of the wedding. And none of my planning paid off anyway since my DH's family is incapable of being autonomous and they called us to ask about EVERYTHING. Seriously, they called about directions to their hotels (like I'm a human mapquest??), they called about directions to the rehearsal, the location, what to wear, where's the wedding, what time, etc. It drove me insane!! I mailed a very nice, very detailed (and very hand-made!!) invitation with all of the information! GRR!!
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