Post # 1
SO heres the deal….Im already having 1 AMAZING shower here where I live with my family friends and a large section of FIs family…..and am very excited for it…..now however I am getting alot of pressure to accept the offer for a second shower with a different section of family that cant make it to the other shower a month later….I didnt ask for either of these showers and really didnt want one…but my MOH talked me into one….now im getting alot of pressure to ok the second one later on….there would only be 3 mutual guests at each shower….and one is in a completely different state *where I am from….and so its not like there would be alot of repeat invitations….just family….and 3 of them….
My biggest thing is….I want to make people happy….I dont want to upset anyone or step on anyones toes….but I am anxious about going through one let alone two….and Im nervous people are going to think Im being gift grabby by allowing two to be thrown for me…plus one would be on a week day with a small amount of people….I just have soo much going on right now with the wedding that fighting this and being guilt-tripped into it at every freaking turn are really starting to overwhelm me…and give me anxiety ive turned it down twice but they just keep insisting and guilt tripping me to the point that I feel guilty and am considering doing it….Everyone else ive known has had one large bridal shower not 1 large and one small…..
Does this make me look gift grabby?? is it tacky?? How many showers did you have??
Post # 2
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
I usually don’t have opinions on if something is “gift grabby” or not and it always depends on the person but I do think two showers is a bit much and here’s why:
People who want to give you a gift will give you a gift. I had 1 shower and people who couldn’t come still mailed me a shower gift – it was really nice of them. Hosting two showers in different states kind of screams “I’m coming to you so you can give me gifts!” Now I know that’s not always the case but I know women who live and are from different states and they had 2 bridal showers, now they’re having babies and having 2 baby showers. I guess – in the end, people are going to give you a gift if they want to or not but I do think it’s a bit much.
That being said I can’t imagine people getting upset about it. I tried to fight off even having 1 so I know what you mean.
Post # 3
I think it’s fine- as long as the same people are not invited to both.
It would only be tacky if you were throwing them for yourself.
Post # 4
Not tacky at all if the guests are 2 different groups of people! just make sure the same people arent invited to both! (I think you’re good with the 3 family members going to both)
Post # 5
Not tacky. I’m have 2 showers. My family and FI family are 4 hours a part. Neither side was too keen on travelling to the others side for a shower but everyone wanted to attend a shower. Solution, 2 showers. 1 in my home town and 1 in FI home town.
My advice, let them throw it for you, have a good time with your friends and family and enjoy yourself, you’ll never have this opportunity again. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
winterwoodlandbride15: That’s a good point. I’m assuming if anyone was pissed off about that the most they would do is roll their eyes and not come.
People know what kind of person you are and if you’re generous and kind nobody would care if you had 10 showers. It’s only the people that have a history of being greedy that get the real side-eyes from people for having multiple showers.
The girl I know is incredibly self-centered and always does her shower shit in multiples. I can’t wait for her to have a second baby so she can find a way to have half a dozen “sprinkle” showers.
Post # 7
Soonerbee07: I had 2 showers for essentially the same reason. I’m originally from Cleveland and that is where 100% of my family is from. It’s also where 90% of my bridesmaids are from since I went to school up there as well. I had a Cleveland shower, but I now live in Columbus where I have good girlfriends and a large chunk of DH’s family is from here or Dayton. I had a Columbus shower to accomodate them. My aunts threw my Cleveland shower, and my MIL threw my Columbus shower. The only guests that were invited to both were my MIL, and my bridesmaids, although I told them that they didn’t need to come to both, and they definitely did not need to get me a gift for both. I had 4/6 attend both, and the ones who came to the 2nd one did not get me another gift, which was great, because I didn’t want to add to the budget of being a bridesmaid. I just like spending time with them!
With both showers, I knew anyone who traveled from either Cleveland or Columbus would have a 2 hour drive, and if anyone wanted to hang out/go out afterwards, they would probably have to stay the night. Since people were already bringing gifts, I didn’t want to ask them to also pay for a hotel room, or sleep on an air mattress just to be there. It just made more sense to keep it convenient for both groups involved.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I’m also having two to accomodate some of FI’s family.
Post # 9
I think that’s fine. Especially if you let the three people who are invited to both showers know that you certainly don’t expect them to attend both if it’s inconvenient. (I wouldn’t mention them not bringing a present to both because I think it’s just best not to mention gifts at all; I would hope they’d either buy two smaller gifts or just one, but I wouldn’t say anything about it.)
Post # 10
Nope, I just had two over the last two weekends. First one was thrown by my bridesmaids; my mom and 1 out-of-state BM flew in for it, my friends were invited, etc. The very next Saturday, my future in-laws threw me another one when they had some out-of-town relatives visiting. Since I knew there would be a family one the next weekend, I didn’t invite those people to the first one except for my FMIL, because I didn’t want to exclude her.
Post # 11
my husband’s whole family is in Virginia and I was in NJ. I had one shower. I wasn’t traveling to another state so I could have another one. It just seems excessive to me. Someone else can do what they want.
Post # 12
I am very confused why some people think having more than one shower is seen as gift grabby. How would any of the people not invited to the other showers even know about the other showers. I had 5 different showers. I would have never wanted to put it on a host to have to throw a shower for 200 people. So we broke the guests up into groups. My family, his family, church, friends, both of our friends (couples shower). It just worked out the best that way. It was in no way gift grabby. 5 different people came to me about wanting to throw a shower so I let them. I also never expected anyone to bring a gift to the wedding, but most did. People want to give gifts. Maybe it is different in different societies. But where I live having only one or two showers is unheard of, and no one would judge the bride (the one not throwing the shower) about being gift grabby. Its not like a bride asks for the showers.
So I say split the people and have two showers. 🙂
Post # 13
My MIL, church, and bridesmaids each through me a shower. Each one was very separate and special. My MIL did a mother-daughter weekend getaway, so it wasn’t just about me. My church did the most ttraditional shower and they ladies wanted to do it! (My Dad and I are elders in the church, and we are friends with them) Then my bridesmaids and MOH did a shower/party that lasted all day. I have very happy memories from each.
Post # 14
I have lots of friends who have out of state families, and most of them had multiple showers – usually one in the local area and another in their family’s home state. I never batted an eye at them. For one, the bride and groom aren’t usually the ones who decide how many showers they get, so I don’t consider it a reflection of their gift grabbiness. Second, for families which are not nearby, multiple showers make sense. Everyone wants to celebrate the couple, and plenty of families want to involve as many guests as possible. I think the only situation where two showers looks gift grabby is if all of the same people are invited to both. If only 3 people are in this situation and aren’t being pressured to attend, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 15
Sometimes people see bridal shoers a this whole gift getting thing…….and miss the whole gift giving part. I think i said something on anotehr board earleir but i don’t remember at this point haha….My family WANTS to give gives and they WANT to celebrate wether the bride wants to or not. In my family bridal shower gifts are taken seriously by my family. It is seen as a sign of love and DUTY to give and help the new couple and bride in anyway they can. For my family most people marry fairly young, in their 20’s so they know most couples are pretty broke and genuinely need some housewares to have a proper home (old school attitude) none the less…..the showers are sometimes for the families too, as are weddings. People are happy, they want to celebrate and they want to give. If I were to turn down anyones gift or party I think it would be frowned upon more by my family than the 1 person that might think having two showers is wrong. I highly doubt the same people will go to both showers anyways…..Your families love you, they want to celerbrate and they want to show their love and support and give you a party or two!