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What's the deal with surprise showers?

posted 1 year ago in Parties
  •  
    1.
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    BostonBaby    January 2012   MA

    I'm a bridesmaid in a July wedding. The groom is my fiance's college buddy, so he's a groomsman. The bride asked me to be a bridesmaid mostly to keep her sides "equal," since I don't really know her that well and I don't particularly consider us to be friends.

    I received an invitation to her bridal shower, hosted by the groom's grandparents. It's on one of the busiest weekends of May, and I can't make it (previous plans and transportation issues). I messaged my decline to the hosts*** and they responded with a snarky, "well I'm sorry you won't go, and I'm sure Bride and Groom will be really disappointed you won't be there to support them."

    ... Nobody asked me if I was available that weekend. I certainly would go if I could, and I can't. I certainly would HELP if I could, and I can't. My absence will be noted because (get this) I'm the only non-family-member bridesmaid.

    So, what's the deal with surprise showers? I can't even call the bride to explain and apologize! I can't help! I can't be useful! I don't understand why a bride wouldn't want to go get a pretty outfit, maybe do her nails, maybe down a few drinks if she doesn't like her FMIL (kidding). Could someone please explain this mysterious and seemingly inconvenient method of throwing a party?!

     
    2.
    Member
    3,329 posts
    Sugar bee
    joy2011    October 22, 2011   NE Ohio

    oooh, sorry, that's so annoying! and rude of them! Just apologize to the bride afterwards, and just let everything else run off your back! :-)

     
    3.
    Member
    12,472 posts
    Sugar
    Beekeeper
    julies1949      

    Why are you letting this rude woman who you don't even know, pull your emotional strings?

    Let it go. Talk to the bride later.

    People have held surprise showers forever. They were very much the thing to do "back in the day" of the grandmother .

     
    4.
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    BostonBaby    January 2012   MA

    @julies1949: You're right, I let it get to me. Regarding my (over)reaction: point taken.

     
    5.
    Member
    6,643 posts
    Bee Keeper
    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    I'm not a fan of surprise showers either. I would just send her a nice gift and tell her how sorry you are that you have to miss it in the card.

     

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