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oooh, sorry, that's so annoying! and rude of them! Just apologize to the bride afterwards, and just let everything else run off your back! :-)
Why are you letting this rude woman who you don't even know, pull your emotional strings?
Let it go. Talk to the bride later.
People have held surprise showers forever. They were very much the thing to do "back in the day" of the grandmother .
@julies1949: You're right, I let it get to me. Regarding my (over)reaction: point taken.
I'm not a fan of surprise showers either. I would just send her a nice gift and tell her how sorry you are that you have to miss it in the card.
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I'm a bridesmaid in a July wedding. The groom is my fiance's college buddy, so he's a groomsman. The bride asked me to be a bridesmaid mostly to keep her sides "equal," since I don't really know her that well and I don't particularly consider us to be friends.
I received an invitation to her bridal shower, hosted by the groom's grandparents. It's on one of the busiest weekends of May, and I can't make it (previous plans and transportation issues). I messaged my decline to the hosts*** and they responded with a snarky, "well I'm sorry you won't go, and I'm sure Bride and Groom will be really disappointed you won't be there to support them."
... Nobody asked me if I was available that weekend. I certainly would go if I could, and I can't. I certainly would HELP if I could, and I can't. My absence will be noted because (get this) I'm the only non-family-member bridesmaid.
So, what's the deal with surprise showers? I can't even call the bride to explain and apologize! I can't help! I can't be useful! I don't understand why a bride wouldn't want to go get a pretty outfit, maybe do her nails, maybe down a few drinks if she doesn't like her FMIL (kidding). Could someone please explain this mysterious and seemingly inconvenient method of throwing a party?!