Weddingbee boards

I'm planning my own wedding, and my father-in-law-to-be and his long-time partner want me to plan their commitment ceremony as well! I'm new to this, and know nothing about  gay commitment ceremonies...any help? Is there any difference at all between this and a traditional ceremony between a man and a woman? (For instance, how do you word that on an invitation? Do they need someone to officiant the ceremony? etc.)

All legal and moral issues aside please!

Thanks!

They are pretty much the same, I would just see what the legalities are in the state you live in. Is it just a ceremony, or will they be submitting civil union papers. For the ceremony, if they are not really religious. I wouldn't go the route of traditional vows. I know of a beautiful reading, for gay-queer marriage rights that would be beautiful for their ceremony. If you would like the reading, just PM and I will shoot it over to you. Tell them congrats from me! I am sure it will be a beautiful ceremony!

There is exactly as much difference as the couple getting married/committed wants there to be, if that makes sense.  Some people like a traditional event, others create a whole new set of traditions.  Maybe you could ask them if they have any dreams/visions for the day, what their priorities are, what other ceremonies they've seen or heard about that they liked.  If they don't have any ideas, find some books or websites with pictures for them to look at to get an idea of their style.  I've found with weddings that you never know what assumptions people have in their heads, no matter how well you know them, and having someplace to start might make it all easier.  I wish I had some specific recommendations, sorry! 

As for invitation wording, treat it like an older person's marriage, where you don't put the parents on the invite.  Generally go for more contemporary language, and ask them if they want 'commitment ceremony' or 'married' or 'partnership' or 'joining lives'.  That part of the wording in particular evokes strong feelings in people. Like, one of my friends needs to use the word marriage whenever possible, while another avoids it like the plague. 

Officiant - yes! usually.  Even if you're not religious, it helps to have someone up there who can remember what to do next.  And lots of religious officiants will do same-sex ceremonies, you just have to find them, and sometimes they have certain things they can't/won't say. 

Often men skip the walk-down-the-aisle stuff, and anything else that's very bridal, obviously. 

One other thing, is that for a lot of older gay couples it's more about their friends than their families, which is often not the case for younger people.  Not always true, of course, just putting it out there. Good luck!  I think it's a wonderful thing for you to do, as long as planning two at once doesn't make you too crazy!

I'm so spacey sometimes! I should have specified - it's just a commitment ceremony, no paperwork.

Thats just what I needed to know girls! Wasn't even sure if gay guys "walk down the aisle!" (Thanks hopewell!)

They've been together for like 10 years, so this is quite a long anticipated event!

Oh - one more question if anyone knows - I've seen the sand pouring thing and the unity candles, but is there any other cool unique way of physically showing your friends and family in a wedding ceremony that your "blending families"? (It doesn't have to be specific to a gay ceremony, any general ceremony idea would help!)