Whats the difference between a gift registry and requesting money?

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Requesting money: “Give me money.”

Making a registry: “We’ve made this list and put it somewhere that you could seek it out so that if you wanted to give us a gift you could get us something you’d know we will use and appreciate because we’ve picked out stuff we want/need for our household.”

Post # 4
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Kandiss16:  “AND if you were going to give money ANYWAY dont get annoyed/offened/upset.. just comes off silly..”

I know right?!  I LOL when I read that. lol.  Especially in all caps. lol  

But I do agree with you.  Having a registry, that essentially tells your guests what to gift you =  not being rude, BUT kindly requesting the money, instead, for better purposes = “begging” “being rude” “standing at the door of your wedding with your hand out” LOL.  I laugh at it all.  They can choose to gift the money, just like they can choose to gift you with something you told them to buy you off the registry.

Just another way people want to stick their nose up at others.  I have a co-worker who told me about the honeyfund/money idea recently. Never heard of it before that.  I then asked her if people were put off by it.  She said no & everyone loved it. They got money from everyone and everyone was happy about it.  I say, do what works for you.

 

Post # 5
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A gift registry gives people ideas and guidance as to what to gift. Most people intend to give a gift anyway and a registry tells them what you like and need.

Asking for money is simply that. If people wanted to give money (in lieu of a boxed gift), they would. I don’t think there’s a need to ask for this specifically. On the other hand, they may not know you already have a toaster but would really love a blender (for example).

In addition, people can buy items off the registry on sale or with coupons and you wouldn’t necessarily know the exact price paid (unless you returned it with a gift receipt). Some people who are strapped for cash like to give something inexpensive but big (sizewise) off the registry as they feel like it’s more impactful than straight cash or check.

Post # 6
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kandiss16:  Asking for money is tacky. A gift registry is a suggestion.

Post # 7
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

You don’t need to ask for money.  If someone wants to give you money, they will.  Whether or not you have a registry.  It seems pretty tacky to me to request money.  Everyone knows that money is acceptable.

Some people prefer to give physical gifts and this way they can get you something you want and need (as opposed to you ending up with 5 toasters).  Some people like to use sales, coupons, or credit cards or other things to buy off the registry too.

So that’s the difference.

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would either have a registry or don’t, but don’t ask for money. We didn’t have a registry becuase we didn’t want any physical items (we already had two of everything), but instead of putting on there “the couple isn’t registered” we just didn’t put anything. There isn’t a polite way to say we want money anyway.

Post # 9
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@almostmrsj:  +1

A gift is not *required* for attendance at a wedding. People who explicity ask for cash/gifts are essentially saying…bring me something when you come.

Post # 11
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

a lot of people like to give a tangible item that people can look at and say ‘so and so gave us that as a wedding gift’.  I also tend to watch for sales on the items on registries.  I recently gave a friend a place setting from her registry as a shower gift that I would not typically be able to afford but I bought it during a one day sale where everything was 50% off. 

I do typically give cash as wedding gifts but for showers I like giving an actual gift.  If I’m unable to attend a wedding for a close friend I would also prefer to send an actual gift instead of a cheque.

Post # 12
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kandiss16:  Yes.  I agree with you.  I don’t get how registries are OK and money isn’t. 

I really don’t get registries at all.  What’s the point of a gift that I didn’t pick out but have to go through the effort of buying, wrapping, ect.  And I love how they take the price off ang get a gift recipet.   The person registered for it!  They know how much it is.

I get that it is practical but it has really taken any thought or fun out of gift giving.

Just recently I went to babies r us printed the registry handed it to an employee and told him to find a random item I pointed to which I really didn’t think at all about just looked at the price.

All the while I was thinking why didn’t I just give her 50 bucks and be done with it.  Both gifts monitary adn registry requitre no thought or consideration so why do people bother guests to run to the store, kill trees with printing the registries and then even more to wrap the gifts they already know they are getting becasue they even get notifications when someone buys somehting off the registry!

Post # 13
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Haha.  I’ve posted about this A LOT.  I’m sure people are annoyed with me.  But there is a difference between registering for gifts and requesting cash for several reasons:

1.  A regsitry acts as a guideline/wish list.  It lets guests know what is missing from a couple’s household and what their style is.  It helps prevent a couple from getting 7 blenders, 5 toasters, and a cermanic rooster when clearly the couple prefers ducks.  It also helps ensure that the china, dishes, napkins, towels, bedding, etc. all match.  A guest can see that the couple is in need of new pans and can opt to get a set or ones of better quality.  A request for cash, on the other hand, pretty much dictates the gift.  There are no options and it isn’t much of a guideline or wish list.

2.  It is taboo to talk about money.  Some people aren’t comfortable giving cash and letting the couple know how much he/she spent.  Sure, you know the retail price of the items you registered for, but that doesn’t mean you know how much I spent.  I could use coupons, shope sales, use gift cards, buy it from another store for cheaper, etc.  Plus, it’s also considered polite to register for a bunch of things at varying price points.  That way there is something to fit every budget.  If you ask for cash, a guest is pretty much stuck and it could easily lead to an awkward situation.

3.  Asking for cash makes one look greedy.  There has been and will probably always be a stigma of greed associated with money.  When one asks for cash, it sends the message that he or she has everything they need but they still want something so please fork over your hard earned money for his/her spending pleasure.  It’s one thing to freely give cash for this puprose, it’s another to demand it.  This is also why the usual advice given to those that prefer cash is to spread via word of mouth that you are saving up for something specific.  That way the guest knows you have a specifc goal for the money and it’s not a case of the gimmy-gimmies.

4.  As I mentioned in #1, asking for cash dictates the gift given.  You cannot register for different types of cash.  Well, I suppose you technically could if you registered for different currencies, like $100 US, $50 euros, $1000 pasos, etc., but you get my point.  It makes guests feel like that must give you cash and that any other gift isn’t really appreciated.  It’s not polite to dictate what type of gift you want.  No one wants to be told what to give (unless, of course, they specifically ask).

5.  Miss Manners equates asking for cash to begging saying that if you have everything you need, why must you harass your friends and family for money.  To some extent, I agree.  I mean, if you do have everything you need, then I’ll give you cash because I want to give you something, but don’t be greedy and ask for it.

 

Hope that clears up why some people think asking for cash is rude.  I get that in some cultures it’s ok, but at least in the States, it’s typically not.  Also, people know cash is appreciated, guests aren’t stupid. If there is no registry or a small one, they’ll figure out that cash is the best gift.  Unless specifically asked, there’s no need to tell a guest.  I’ve never understood why brides and grooms can’t grasp this concept

Post # 14
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@RunsWithBears:  Well said!

@Kandiss16:  I also feel like when someone ASKS for cash, especially inside an invitation, it is like asking you to pay your own way to their wedding.  You are no longer an invited guest, but in a sense being asked to pay an admission fee.  It’s quite crass.  

Post # 15
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agreed–I like when couples ask for money.  I don’t have to go to a store, hunt for anything, figure out how to wrap it or carry it anywhere.  I can just run to an atm instead and pick out a cute card.  Boom goes the dynamite.

But since we had a DW, we just said no gifts–everyone paid a ton just getting there already…..so I don’t know how it would go over if I asked everyone for cash.

Post # 16
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As much as it may sound bad saying “we’d prefer cash over gifts”, a lot of people want to buy and bring physical gift, so if thre’s really nothing physical you can think of to register for, I could see asking for cash and not gifts because you can potentially get stuck with people buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t like and it’s harder than you think to track down where things are from and return them, or you can pile them up in a closet to regift later. So I could see saying something and nipping it in the bud asking for cash.

I don’t see why so many people on the bee are all about images and doing what is deemed socially proper. It makes it feel like you are hosting a community event and you need to represent a business well or something, rather than celebrating your marriage with the people most important to you in your life.

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