Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2016 - Chateau
DW wedding bee here… FI and I are having a small DW in the Caribbean with a guest list of about 60 people. I am completely aware of the fact that probably more than half wont come (especially from FIs side) and we are both OK with that. The problem comes when we announced to his side, some of his family members were completely against coming and told us right off that there was no way they were coming (which I can understand, travelling isnt for everyone).
Our wedding is in a little over 2 years so I decided to buy some Save the Dates super in advance and to make them magnets (so people are less likely to lose them haha). Now FI and I are both students and determined to finance this ourselves (even though our parents definitely want to help here and there) so I only ordered 40 magnets (one for each household), however do I still send Save The Dates to the members who are dead set against coming? Is here really a point? Should I do it just to stay in everyones good graces? I was thinking of saving them for people who we might get to know better over the course of the 2 years (try and spend as little money as possible?)
Thanks bees 🙂
Post # 2
I would send them to everyone, just so no one gets the idea they’re being excluded. And then if they ask why they got one when they said they weren’t going, just say something like “I just wanted you to know you’re welcome to join us should you change your mind” or something similar.
Post # 3
I would send them to everyone. They said no immediately but they might change their minds 2 years from now. Don’t count anyone out until they RSVP to the wedding as a “no”
Post # 4
islandchloe: I would send one to each couple that you intended to invite regardless of their response so far. They may not have had time to adjust to the idea of a DW, they may change their minds, they may be hurt if they get any indication that they now will not be invited.
Post # 5
I’d send one to each couple, because people may change their minds as things get closer. You want to give them the opportunity to come and not feel excluded, or to make up their mind not to come closer to the date.
Post # 6
Yep, send them out to everyone still. Some people will tell you up front they won’t come, but they have time to change their mind or at least know that your plans are solidified and booked.
We are also having a destination wedding but in Cuba and a few people said they probably wouldn’t be able to go a year and a half in advance, but now are getting ready to book their deposits.
Post # 7
I’d send them to everyone. But I wouldn’t send them out more than a year in advance. A lot can happen between now and then.
Post # 8
Having reached the RSVP portion of our wedding, do not count anyone in or out of coming until you actually start getting RSVPs in. There are people who say no up front, and then decide to come. There are people who you think would say no, and then they surprise you with a yes. And there are other people who you always expected to make it that can’t.
Post # 9
Since you’re asking this as a etiquette question, the real answer may be reconsider a DW if it sends the message to loved ones that you value an exotic location over the attendance of people you consider close.
As for the STD issue, you will find no reference to this in any of the traditional etiquette resources since mass mailed, pre-printed STDs that take the place of what an invitation is supposed to do are not favored in the first place. Sharing this info personally by way of letter, email or phone call is considered a more appropriate way to give your nearest and dearest any heads up that is needed. The rest of your guest list may change this far out.
Post # 10
Do NOT send them more then a year in advance. That is obnoxious and unneccessary. And yes, send them to everyone,
Post # 11
I would send them to everyone a year in advance.
Post # 12
I get why you’re asking…my initial thought was why send them a magnet if they already said no? But as I read the comments and realized 2 years is a heckuva long time out, I agree with PPs–send one per each invitation you plan on sending, regardless of what they’ve said so far. Also, definitely wait until a year out. That’s still PLENTY of time. Anyone that’s needs to know further out may ask through the grapevine when the wedding is.