Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Here’s the disclaimer for participating in this thread: You can’t judge someone negatively for wanting to banish the rule/etiquette. This is simply a "I Wish" scenario! I understand that most all etiquette rules are in place for a reason, a good reason, and most of us don’t need explanations as to why they exist! I’m just curious as to if there will be a pattern as to what rules we find most outdated now…
My mom and I actually had this huge argument about suggesting cash gifts. That’s like the hugest taboo for american weddings right? In her culture everyone gives cash, so she was all annoyed when she saw that we were getting piles and piles of kitchenware and stuff. She was like "I’m gonna tell everyone to give you cash!" I was dying. I told her she could tell her asian friends that only. Anyway, I guess the umbrella etiquette rule here is that you shouldnt ask for gifts, (cash or otherwise) but people are gonna give you gifts, and typically off of your registry. So, in that sense, I wish cash was a totally acceptable and normal gift request in America, just as it’s acceptable to suggest (you know, on your wedding website) that guests buy gifts from your registry.
What’s the one rule you would banish?
Post # 3
"Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast," hands down and in all situations where it comes up.
I think there was a thread just like this a few weeks ago, I’ll see if I can find it and post the link for you!
Post # 4
I have a question, what do you write when you only know the mrs, but are inviting both? Do you still write Mr. and Mrs. hisfirst hislast or can you write Mrs. and Mr. herfirst herlast? I’m stumped on some of the invites to my co-workers.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Samisomsam… I ran into the same problem, so I ended up just shooting quick emails to the people in question and asking for their wives/husbands full names… especially if they are coworkers, I dont think they’ll be offended if you don’t know their spouses first names yet! Also, it’s nice because eventually you’ll have to make placecards for them, so you’ll have to figure out their name at some point anyway.
Post # 6
@samisomsam — I would ask the coworker how she would like it addressed (ask her to write it out for you). That is the safest bet.
I hated asking grandparents if they have anyone they wanted to invite (usually people we don’t even know). I’ll never understand it! –Especially after my FI paternal grandparents sent us back a list of 30 people after we had had to cut 30 of our friends to keep my parents happy with the size of our guest list!
Post # 7
@Samisomsam– You’re supposed to ask your co-worker what their spouse’s/ date’s name is. Sounds like a pain, but it’s nice to know the names of the people who are coming and it comes in handy for seating charts/ cards and writing thank-you notes.
I would definitely get rid of the Mr. and Mrs. John Smith construction. I *never* want to be referred to as Mrs. John Smith! I still have my own name, dammit!
Also, I wish we could do online invitations that sync up to your electronic calendar instead of paper. I love paper products, but it’s soooo expensive and I know people would pay more attention to and respond more quickly to electronic ones.
Post # 8
I agree with Sakoro – I wish invitations weren’t such a big deal. I cringe when I think about all the trees it takes to make pretty complicated invites with lots of inserts, tissue lining, inner and outer envelopes, etc.
Post # 9
I hate the stupid little dance you have to do around informing people about your registry. You mention the wedding website on an information insert and put the registry information on the website. I’ve been to tons of websites that are only registry information! You may as well just put the registry information in there. Frankly, some people could use an in your face "THIS IS WHERE I AM REGISTERED" so you don’t get random ugly pot holders that don’t go with anything.
Post # 10
the "out of towners have to come to the rehersal dinner" rule. ok i know it’s he proper thing to do , but I may as well just have the wedding that night then!
I don’t answer to Mrs Hislast name. I get it a lot at work. I finally just said you never called me by my last name before why now??
Post # 11
@ Amandopolis – I agree! Personally I dont think it’s tacky to put a card in the invite saying where we are registered. I always want to know that!
I wish… it wasn’t such a taboo thing for the bride to want to plan her own bachelorette party. It’s a party thrown in honor of me – the bride – I should be able to say what I want, where I want it and with whom I want to spend it… same as the wedding! Mostly I don’t want anyone else to stress over doing something they’re not comfortable or feeling like they can’t please me. Why can’t I just plan it and then tell everyone to just show up and enjoy themselves?!
Post # 12
Post # 13
I’m going completely against etiquette and putting the wife’s first name as well, with the exception of anyone from our grandparents’ generation. I know women who are that age tend to be accustomed to being called by their husband’s first name and can get offended if they aren’t called that.
I’m not really sure what etiquette rule I’d like to abolish since I’ve thrown most of them out the window. I did do the whole song and dance routine when it comes to the registry information, which feels a little ridiculous, but I’m okay with it staying in place. If I didn’t like an etiquette rule and it wouldn’t negatively impact my guests by not following it, I didn’t follow it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2010 - Amy's Manor
Although I love getting mail (the good kind, not bills or spam), I would really like to do electronic invitations. I know there’s something special about printed invites for a wedding but I just see it as extra cost and a forest full of trees.
I’d also be more than happy to drop the whole favor thing. I understand the point of it but it’s so hard to come up with something that people will want/use/enjoy because if you don’t, most likely it will end up in the trash and you just spent $200+/- for nothing. I’d rather pool that money and do something at the reception that everyone could enjoy (cotton candy machine, photo booth, etc.). Hmm..maybe that’s what I will do?
Post # 15
I second the no woman first name thing that drives me batty. I’m dealing with a tough situation that although my fiance’s parents are only a few years older than my own parents they are of the Mrs Smith generation while my mom is soo not. She kept her maiden name professionally and wants her name on the invite. I’m hoping to doesn’t ruffle feathers but FMIL sent all of her wedding list without the woman’s first name. And we call some of their friends Mr and Mrs. whatever, which I feel ridiculous doing at my age.
Another thing I’d love to do away with is being fair to everyone and doing things equally because I think it often ends up hurting people. For example, our rehearsal dinner will include our aunts and uncles but bc FI has 24 cousins they aren’t invited, many of those cousins are my parents age. They’ll survive. But I can’t invite my three cousins who are all in high school and will be left alone in a hotel room in a metropolitan city. I don’t see how that’s fair or being polite. But I can’t seem to win that one.
Post # 16
I totally agree with the planning of the bridal shower/bachelorette party. I just want to plan it myself!! I have been to 4 bridal showers among friends within the past few months and it is all the same thing… same food… same games. I don’t want that! I don’t want store bought deli meat and a fondue fountain, damnit! And I don’t want you to save all the bows from my presents and make me a damn bouquet for the rehearsal UGH!